this is my life, it's not what it was before.
wow! it's been a rough month or so. it's kind of hard to describe everything that's been going on in one journal entry but i suppose i'll do the best i can. just warning you...i might do a little venting, there's been too many emotions that have been felt.
here i go again i promised myself i wouldn't think of you today. too many promises. too many fallouts. too many words said. too many times they've been broken. broken heart again today...this time i broke my own. standards aren't met. expectations aren't fulfilled. who is this? it can't be me. of course it is but i don't understand. those around me don't understand. those who are begging and want to know so badly just don't understand. not one soul, not one person, not one individual whom i know understand the way i want them to. maybe i just want too much or maybe i just don't know what i want. today something amazing happened. something walked right into my life or shall i say i walked right into theirs, either way the path was given and it happened for a reason. for the first time (in an extremely long time) i trusted in something in which my heart allowed me to. something my heart agreed with. something my heart gave me the approval of. that alone has made me smile like never before. miracles do happen, because it happened to me today. i'm not going to give the whole story no matter who you are whether you're close to me or not, so please don't even bother asking, please don't feel offended either. i'm not giving the story because by instinct i'm trusting in this one thing, this one thing that can turn my life around & give me what i'm in search of (something i don't even know yet) and once that trust is gone and this one thing is revealed it might as well be thrown away and given to another. i need something and deep down inside, i honestly think this is it. if you knew, you'd probably laugh & think i was joking. but hey, call me crazy, call me naive, call me gullable...i could be all of that and i might be all of that but not this time. this time i'm something more. my tears have been shedded and there's probably more to come but i've come to far to break. i may have turned fragile, more so than i ever imagined myself being, but paper thin & all, i will make it through. i'll make it through this bend. my time has not yet come but it will. you know why? because i do believe & i will believe. and yes i do have faith & i will have faith.
with all that said, something really hit home today. i drank a *rockstar* energy drink today and it really made me pay more attention in class and it put me in a good mood. i felt so good about myself today. but that's not the point, the point is that i was in english (paying attention!) and of course the class was getting lectured, as usual, by ms. velasquez and she made a comment that really applied to me and i definitely think it's something that i have done. had it been advice that i followed through with then maybe i wouldn't be in the situation i'm in now. that comment is:
"Don't put yourself in a place where you're so frustrated that you want to give up!"
indeed. unfortunitely that has happened.
well if you have gotten this far...thank you for reading my entry. thank you for caring to even read it. as you know i am now back to LJ (my computer crashed so i was computerless for what felt like EVER). sooo please make me feel welcome and leave me some love.
ps - yes...that is right. i LUZ SANDRA DUARTE, west leyden's biggest lesbian, am officially the 2004 West Leyden Homecoming Queen. *thnx thnx thnx* I just had to share that with you all. soooooooooo if you get the chance pick up a copy of the chicago tribune by the end of the weekend, i will be in it. :-) (i'll let you all know the date for sure bc i know you're just DIEING to pick up a copy! hehehe). sorry for bragging but i just had to let whoever doesn't know the inside scoop of muaaah.
since you have gotten this far here's some love from visual love!
