Assumptions (A Night’s Reprieve)
Title: Assumptions (A Night’s Reprieve)
Rating: Nc-17
Summary: But-like many instances tonight-Changmin realizes that maybe he’d been too mindful of himself to notice that those others, most especially the four who counted, wouldn’t have minded at all.
Pairing: Yunho/Changmin
A/N: My version of army!verse :O
“Lightweight.” Yoochun snickers into his palm, eyes bright with a combination of a little too much alcohol and too much Junsu.
“’M not!” Junsu slurs, viciously taking another swig at his bottle to prove the other man wrong. Yoochun just muffles another laugh at his denial.
Yunho watches their easy bickering with a ghost of a smile on his face, remembering days long past. The pull of muscles at the corners of his mouth is foreign these days, no room in the midst of drills and discipline for smiles and games. He brings his own bottle to rest against his lips, slowly tipping the liquid into his mouth as he wallows in the momentary reprieve from their current rigid lifestyle.
“If you can down another bottle without passing out, then I’ll pay for everything,” Yoochun declares, looking absolutely sure that he’d come out the victor.
“You’re on!” Junsu answers gamely, swaying in his seat.
“Careful Yoochun-ah, you might lose that one,” Jaejoong says, sliding into the empty chair next to Yunho. He’s drunk too, Yunho can tell, the chair scraping along the rough floor of the pub so that Jaejoong sits too close, their shoulders rubbing and thighs bumping under the table. Jaejoong’s always been muscled, but he’s rock hard now, courtesy of the last six weeks of boot camp. “You know how cheap Junsu is. He’ll do anything just so he wouldn’t have to pay for a round.”
Under the table Jaejoong wraps an ankle around the leg of Yunho’s chair, trapping Yunho’s calf in a physical affection that Yunho can barely remember anymore. Yunho leans in, returning the gesture for a fraction of a second and nuzzling the side of Jaejoong’s neck. Jaejoong smells like smoke.
“I thought they told you to lay off the cigarettes,” Yunho murmurs as he pulls away, eyes quickly scanning the area to make sure no one had seen.
Jaejoong turns to him with a heated look in his eyes that says he acknowledges the brief kiss Yunho had left at his throat. “You know I’ve never been one for following orders.” The hand nearest Yunho disappears under the table. “Boot camp’s been good to you, leader-sshi,” Jaejoong says under his breath as he squeezes up along Yunho’s thigh.
“You aren’t so bad yourself,” Yunho returns, flexing beneath Jaejoong’s exploring fingers just a little. Jaejoong’s just about to get to the good part when they’re interrupted by drunken giggling.
“Yoochun-ah, where did Jaejoong hyung’s hand go?”
Yoochun leers first at them, then at Junsu. “Jun-chan, you don’t know?” One of Yoochun’s hands also disappears.
“Y-yah! Where are you touching?!”
The look of absolute horror on Junsu’s drunken face is too comical. Jaejoong bursts out laughing, his hands leaving the lure of Yunho’s hard thighs to cup his mouth. Yunho isn’t too sad, his own wide grin threatening to split his cheeks. It’s been a while since they’ve been like this, carefree and silly, but before he can let himself sink into the familiarity, he realizes something - or someone - is missing.
“Where’s Changmin?” Yunho says in the middle of their collective laughter, smile dimming at the realization that their one man short of whole.
“He didn’t want to come!” Yoochun supplies with a small hiccup at the end. “Said he’d rather not spend our only night off getting drunk.”
Junsu titters beside him. “And you call me cheap -hic - he just doesn’t to pay either!”
“Go already,” Jaejoong says so that only Yunho can hear. Ever the observant one, only he’s noticed the shift in Yunho’s mood, the sudden disturbance that Changmin’s absence has caused. “You know where his bunk is, right?”
Yunho nods. Of course he does. He knows where all of them bunk. It’s become a constant need to know where they are after the past couple of years they’ve spent apart. Most people thought that going into the army meant separating from the ones you loved, but for Yunho it meant coming back together. In the aftermath of the lawsuit, the five of them had gone their own ways, JYJ off gallivanting the world while he and Changmin had lived and breathed in the same house without actually living there.
They’d all been too busy in their own schedules, caught up in their own lives for a few years before finally enlisting in the army had become a must. Yunho doesn’t want to think of it as coincidence that all five of them had enlisted to go in at the same time; fate, much like the forming of Dong Bang Shin Ki so many years ago, seemed more like an apt description.
Still, whatever the circumstances, Yunho doesn’t question it. For once in what seemed like a long while, the five of them shared the same space and breathed the same air without having to worry about which CEO they were pissing off or which contract they were going against. They saw each other every day again, even if most of the time it was only fleeting glances or hurried smiles as they caught sight of each other during drills, but just the thought of their physical proximity was enough to fill in the empty spaces that had carved themselves into Yunho’s heart. Now, with all of them so near, it seemed wrong to leave one out. It felt wrong to have one of them missing when finally - finally - they could be together again.
“Not in public,” Yunho whispers as he gets up, throwing a pointed look in Yoochun and Junsu’s direction. Yoochun had a look on his face that Yunho knew all too well, a look that he’d had directed at him a thousand times before so Yunho knows just how lethal it is. It’s a look of heated intent and silent, lustful promises in a way that only Yoochun’s eyes could portray.
Jaejoong winks at him. “Leave it to me.”
--
“You sure you’re not coming?” Sung Joo says from the bunk next to him, hurriedly pulling on his shoes. Changmin suppresses a grin at the way he fumbles with them, as if his feet have become unaccustomed to wearing anything other than the usual heavy leather of their army-issued black combat boots. Changmin could relate somewhat.
“Nah,” he says, pulling a cotton t-shirt over his head to sleep in. “I ache. They had me do a couple of extra drills earlier.”
Sung Joo chuckles. “You’re fault for being a smart ass.”
Changmin shrugs, mentally debating over pajamas or boxers. Running a few extra laps for giving his opinion hadn’t been too bad, even if his aching muscles protested the idea. “Have fun getting drunk.” He calls out as Sung Joo heads for the door. “Turn the lights out, will you?”
Sung Joo complies and the room is plunged into to darkness as Changmin’s eyes take a moment to adjust to the dark. He decides on boxers, pulling on the loose undergarment efficiently even with the lack of sufficient lighting. Moon light casts a bright square across the three empty beds to his right, leaving only his own obscure and dark against the wall. The room is by no means large, just enough to accommodate four beds and four grown men. Changmin doesn’t mind the small space, having spent considerable time in the past sharing just as much and sometimes even less than he did now.
It’s much lonelier this time though, but Changmin doesn’t dwell on it or compare differences. It makes him ache in different ways, mostly a twinge in his chest has he remembers-a twinge he can’t do anything about. Changmin sighs, running fingers through his damp hair, the strands short and close to his head. It’s a little longer than it was a few weeks ago, when he’d been required to shave it off. There was no room in the army for vanity and he’d have to get it cut again soon.
Changmin settles into bed, hands beneath his head as he stares up at the ceiling, mind far away. He’s mindful of the quiet of the room, of the outside, of the lack of noise anywhere. It reminds him that while everyone else is enjoying their first night off, he’d let his loner mentality take over and keep him in like he was wont to do. He knows he should have at least gone out, shown his face so as not to seem too anti-social and breed dislike, but close quarters meant more social interaction than Changmin could handle on a daily basis and he’s glad for the few hours tonight that he could be left alone.
The only downside is that he’s left alone with his thoughts.
His wandering mind inevitably goes to four other men, four others that have never been too far out of his thoughts at any given moment. Thoughts of them are there constantly, unconsciously hovering at the periphery of his mind, called into attention when he spots them across the mess hall, jumping through tires, climbing up rope ladders, or running across the fields. He wonders what they’re doing now, knows instinctively that all four of them are somewhere out there, together and enjoying each other’s company in a way they haven’t been able to in a while. Once, a long time ago he’d have been there with them. Once, they’d come looking for him if he wasn’t, like he was now. Once.
He really is tired though and Changmin doesn’t know how long he lays there, dozing in and out of consciousness, each time falling into a different memory or dreaming up new ones. Sometime in between what could have been a sleepy recollection of Yoochun playing the piano and using his body as keys and the once-upon-a-time reality of Jaejoong lazily feeding him some new concoction, Changmin feels a draft. Vaguely it registers as the door opening and Changmin absently concludes its one of his roommates back from a few hours of debauchery and Changmin promptly slips back into a dreamy fantasy of Junsu seducing with his body to the beats of a song.
It isn’t until his mattress dips and the metal cot squeaks that Changmin realizes that maybe Yunho pressing him into the bed in their old apartment isn’t just some far off memory, but a very odd present. He frowns for a moment, eyelids heavy and mind groggy with sleep. Yunho can’t possibly be here-at least not right now. Not in this room, in the place where privacy was virtually non-existent and relationships with each other weren’t just frowned upon-they were forbidden.
Still, even in his denial, Changmin relishes the feel of familiar lips fluttering against his collarbones, the way slightly callused fingers found familiar paths up and down his skin. It’s too good to be a dream, but at the same time it couldn’t possibly be reality! Changmin forces his eyes open, struggling to focus them, instantly awake when it registers that yes, there is someone else in his bed.
“What are you-”
There are fingers pressed to his lips, the pad of a recognizable thumb brushing against the corner of his mouth. “Shh. It’s me.”
“Yunho? What are you doing here?” Changmin scrambles to sit up, a hand curled around the neck of his shirt keeping him from pulling away. “Aren’t you supposed to be out with the others?”
“I was. Can I stay for a little while, Min-ah?” Yunho asks softly, and Changmin can smell the faint hint of alcohol in his breath. Yunho’s drunk; Changmin’s heart falls a little.
“You shouldn’t be here,” Changmin says instead, pulling at Yunho’s wrist in hopes of dislodging him. “It’ll be hard to explain if you stay.”
Yunho shakes his head. “Just a little while, Changmin. Don’t you want me to stay?”
That’s a dangerous question, one that Changmin doesn’t know how to answer at the moment. If they had been anywhere else, in another time, not necessarily different people just not who they were right now, then the answer would have been yes. God, yes. Fuck, yes. Please, yes.
But not tonight. Changmin wants to say it, but can’t. Not when he knows it’ll just be a stolen moment, a pause in time, an unsatisfying fragment of ‘what had been’ coalescing into what little they had left.
He and Yunho had spent years together living under the same roof and breathing the same air even after the other three had left, but it was never quite the same. They touched and spoke but none of it ever seemed sincere. Like being close in the physical sense but the physical never truly counted. It hadn’t been entirely Yunho’s fault and Changmin wasn’t innocent either, but the things left unspoken between them, things that Changmin had once thought were unvoiced because they were already understood had become like walls instead. Walls erected between them in the most intimate moments; like the one now.
“I’m a little too old for this,” Changmin protests when Yunho answers for him, climbing into the bed. It’s cramped, and even if Changmin had been gathering courage to say no, he held Yunho to him so the older man wouldn’t fall off the edge.
“You’re the maknae, you’ll never be too old for this,” Yunho says coherently. So maybe he isn’t drunk after all. Changmin’s heart lifts a little. He’s accosted by another memory, of a night just a few days after they’d first come to Japan. Everything had been so foreign then, the language awkward, the people odd. Yunho had come to him then too, slipping quietly into his bed, saying he needed the company when in reality Changmin knew Yunho had come to comfort him instead. “Besides, who says this is for you?” Then, more quietly, “I miss you in my bed, Changmin-ah.”
Changmin says nothing as Yunho rests his head on his chest, even turning onto his side so Yunho could settle more comfortably on his arm instead. In the dim light of the moon Yunho watches him for a second, his eyes unreadable before he closes them and lays still. His breath evens out but Changmin knows he isn’t sleeping. He can just barely make out the tiny mole on Yunho’s upper lip, just as enticing as it’s ever been despite not having seen it up close in a while. Changmin gives in and licks at it.
Yunho stiffens in his arms, still and not breathing, hands suddenly tight where they grip Changmin’s hip. Changmin does it again and this time Yunho’s lip twitches and his eyes are keeping themselves squeezed tightly shut. Changmin presses a kiss to his mouth next, running his tongue lightly over the fixed seam of his lips. The second time around is more insistent, coaxing Yunho’s mouth open with the help of a hand wrapped around the back of Yunho’s neck. Yunho doesn’t move, doesn’t reciprocate, just lets Changmin do what he wants, though the fingers clutching at the back of Changmin’s shirt say he isn’t averse to the treatment.
In that instant Changmin knows what he can do. What he’d be allowed to do. The thought makes him a little heady. Yunho always said he preferred older women and somehow Changmin gotten it into his head that he’d never really had a lasting chance. He was younger, male, and it didn’t matter how many times they’d fucked before, he’d never be Yunho’s ideal. It had become a complex over the years and over time he’d just automatically turned and bitten the pillow. Yunho’s muffled whimper into his mouth makes him think that maybe he shouldn’t have been so complacent.
Testing the theory out, Changmin brings up a knee between Yunho’s thighs, pressing none too gently against the growing bulge in his pants. Yunho groans and arches into him. Changmin is ecstatic.
He shifts his weight so that Yunho lies beneath him, responding now with open-mouthed kisses as Changmin presses his own erection against the front of Yunho’s well-worn jeans. He can feel the hardness of the metal zipper along his cock, a pleasure-pain as he pushes Yunho farther into the mattress. Yunho doesn’t fight him, opening his thighs to hook a calf behind Changmin’s knee, pulling him even closer. Changmin groans at the feel of Yunho rubbing against his front, eager and encouraging, and all thoughts of where they are and who could walk in on them flies out of Changmin’s mind. Not much is left except the thought of Yunho under him and the clothes that are keeping them from touching skin to skin.
He isn’t the only one thinking that line of thought. Yunho’s hands, as fast as light, move under the waistband of his boxers, digging fingers into his ass and hauling Changmin against him. “Fuck,” Changmin moans, thrusting against Yunho’s rising hips.
“Please?” He says, sucking at Changmin’s jaw, rolling his hips into the ‘v’ of Changmin’s legs. “Please, Changmin-ah? I want to feel you.”
The words have the funniest effect on him. Changmin’s never been under the impression Yunho needed him. In the group yes, but when that had dissolved, when they’d started to live separate lives… Changmin had thought he’d become irrelevant in Yunho’s life.
“Yes,” he says, and it’s as simple as that. He hadn’t had much on in the first place and he’s naked with a tug or two. Yunho’s attire is a little more complicated, the buttons down his shirt and the one on his jeans proving to be more time consuming than they’re worth. They work on the shirt together and Changmin fumbles a few times because Yunho doesn’t stop the movement of his hips, their cocks pressing together at every rise and fall of Yunho’s body. Just as Changmin starts pulling off his jeans, Yunho holds onto them, hands lost in the fabric.
“Found it,” he says breathily, grinning as he reveals a couple of foil wrapped condoms and a fun-sized tube of lube. “Yoochun,” Yunho supplies at Changmin’s questioning look. “But the lube’s Junsu’s and Jaejoong suggested I bring them.”
“Does everyone know you’re here?” Changmin asks dryly.
“Only the ones that matter,” Yunho replies, “and every single one of them wishes they were here too.”
“Just you is fine for now,” Changmin says, plucking the lube from between Yunho’s open palm. “Can I?” he asks softly, holding up the tube. He’s only done it once or twice in the past but he’d never lost himself in the act, too anxious to truly enjoy the experience.
“You don’t even need to ask,” Yunho answers, eyes bright even in the dim lighting.
Changmin can’t resist the urge to say, “I always thought I had to. You never-”
Yunho shakes his head, silencing Changmin with a kiss. “No, you just assumed. Now please, no more talking? Fuck now, talk later, okay?”
Changmin couldn’t argue with that. He sets down the lube, divesting Yunho of his jeans and feasting on the skin that’s revealed inch by inch. Changmin is delighted to discover that Yunho isn’t wearing any underwear, almost as if he’d prepared for this encounter. The logical part of his brain says that it could have been for any of the other three, but the only organ that’s functioning properly right now is Changmin’s cock and its very happy that tonight Yunho is in his bed and no one else’s.
When the jeans are off, Changmin licks a thick stripe under Yunho’s cock on his way up Yunho’s body, pausing momentarily to lave at the leaking head. Yunho cries out, “Changmin, stop! I’m going to-”
His words are cut off as Changmin sucks the head of his cock, tonguing the slit. A shudder wracks his body, and Changmin prepares himself for Yunho’s release, surprised when none comes. Yunho trembles violently beneath him, twisting the sheets in a white-knuckled grip as he holds his orgasm back. His expression is almost pained, and maybe it is, so Changmin relents. Yunho heaves an exhale when his cock slips from Changmin’s mouth, craning his neck, eyes wild.
“Please, Changmin, not like that,” he pleads. “Fuck me, please. I don’t - I don’t want. I need you inside me. Please?”
Changmin could says it was all the ‘pleases’, combined with the look of need on Yunho’s face, along with his own, but in this moment Changmin realizes that he can deny Yunho nothing. It’s always been that way. The way he’d stayed when the other three had left (because Yunho said he couldn’t leave). The way he’d enlisted secretly right after Yunho had (because Yunho had said once that it’d be great if all of them could go into the army together). Yunho, more than anyone else, was and is and always will be his reason-the deciding factor.
And as Yunho writhes in his bed, begging to be fucked in the darkness illuminated only by the moonlight, Changmin thinks that he could have done worse.
Changmin tries to be gentle, but Yunho isn’t so enthusiastic about that idea. Changmin insists on at least two fingers first. “I don’t need a lot of prep,” Yunho pants, pressing down onto Changmin’s middle and index finger. “I like a little burn.”
He earns himself a pinch to his side when he laughs, the pout of Yunho’s jutting lower lip a pleasant contrast to the circling of his hips. “Why wasn’t I made aware of this earlier?” Changmin asks breathlessly, sucking Yunho’s lower lip into his mouth as he lines up the tip of his cock.
“Because you like taking it up the ass as much as I do?”
Changmin doesn’t give a verbal answer, trusts Yunho’s words instead and slides in with one long thrust. Yunho grunts, clenching around him in surprise and for one horrible moment, Changmin thinks that maybe he’d been wrong. It’s only for a moment, one terrible second, and then Yunho’s clutching at his ass, demanding in no specific terms exactly what he wanted. Changmin is only too eager to comply.
The night is cool and the windows are opened just enough to let a breeze in, but Changmin’s skin prickles with heat. A sheen of sweat covers his skin as he grinds himself into Yunho, the slap of their skin as their hips meet audible even above their loud groans. His name pours out of Yunho’s mouth in a litany of broken syllables, all of them desperate and needy. Changmin hears himself responding in kind: Yunho’s name, ‘I’m sorrys’, and incoherent apologies. One time he even says ‘I love you’ and for the first time in a long time, it actually means something.
The orgasm gathers at his cock, but it’s the heat in his chest that propels him over the edge. There’s something to be said about sex with someone you’ve loved for a very long time but only realized it-truly realized it-in that moment when the both of you are hovering over that edge, racing for the end, that release. It’s different somehow. It’s isn’t just hovering anymore. It’s no longer just a race. It isn’t just coming.
Instead it’s like being shoved and falling willingly, headfirst because that way you’ll fall faster. The crash comes sooner, harder, and instead of pain, the pleasure at the end lasts longer. And the knowledge that every time after this one is going to be just as exhilarating only makes this time even better.
Changmin tries to pull away afterward, not wanting to pin Yunho with his weight, but the older man wraps arms and legs around him to keep him in place. The strength of his embrace is persuasive and Changmin sags into it without a fight. Even long after they’ve caught they’re breaths and Yunho’s come dried between them, Changmin has no desire to move. This languid feeling, this afterglow is something he’s always denied himself, always mindful others. But-like many instances tonight-Changmin realizes that maybe he’d been too mindful of himself to notice that those others, most especially the four who counted, wouldn’t have minded at all.
I love you seems like the most appropriate sentiment for the moment, but Changmin doesn’t say it again. He knows Yunho can feel it, that Yunho accepts it and suddenly all the years that have passed don’t matter anymore. The only thing that does is right now, enjoying the post-coital bliss in Yunho’s arms. But even as he lays there, pressing lazy kisses onto Yunho’s chest, Changmin can’t help but suppress a small smile, thinking of one more thing.
How to get the other three feeling the exact same way.
A/N2: so um, yeah. A few weeks ago, the awesome vaguelynormal and I had a sort of write off and the prompt was ‘army!verse’. She came up with a 4 part installment of EPICness and I came up with… well this. So a different take on the same side of the coin. Or something like that. Hope you enjoyed anyway :)
Comments are ♥ look forward to more from she and I in the future :D
Rating: Nc-17
Summary: But-like many instances tonight-Changmin realizes that maybe he’d been too mindful of himself to notice that those others, most especially the four who counted, wouldn’t have minded at all.
Pairing: Yunho/Changmin
A/N: My version of army!verse :O
“Lightweight.” Yoochun snickers into his palm, eyes bright with a combination of a little too much alcohol and too much Junsu.
“’M not!” Junsu slurs, viciously taking another swig at his bottle to prove the other man wrong. Yoochun just muffles another laugh at his denial.
Yunho watches their easy bickering with a ghost of a smile on his face, remembering days long past. The pull of muscles at the corners of his mouth is foreign these days, no room in the midst of drills and discipline for smiles and games. He brings his own bottle to rest against his lips, slowly tipping the liquid into his mouth as he wallows in the momentary reprieve from their current rigid lifestyle.
“If you can down another bottle without passing out, then I’ll pay for everything,” Yoochun declares, looking absolutely sure that he’d come out the victor.
“You’re on!” Junsu answers gamely, swaying in his seat.
“Careful Yoochun-ah, you might lose that one,” Jaejoong says, sliding into the empty chair next to Yunho. He’s drunk too, Yunho can tell, the chair scraping along the rough floor of the pub so that Jaejoong sits too close, their shoulders rubbing and thighs bumping under the table. Jaejoong’s always been muscled, but he’s rock hard now, courtesy of the last six weeks of boot camp. “You know how cheap Junsu is. He’ll do anything just so he wouldn’t have to pay for a round.”
Under the table Jaejoong wraps an ankle around the leg of Yunho’s chair, trapping Yunho’s calf in a physical affection that Yunho can barely remember anymore. Yunho leans in, returning the gesture for a fraction of a second and nuzzling the side of Jaejoong’s neck. Jaejoong smells like smoke.
“I thought they told you to lay off the cigarettes,” Yunho murmurs as he pulls away, eyes quickly scanning the area to make sure no one had seen.
Jaejoong turns to him with a heated look in his eyes that says he acknowledges the brief kiss Yunho had left at his throat. “You know I’ve never been one for following orders.” The hand nearest Yunho disappears under the table. “Boot camp’s been good to you, leader-sshi,” Jaejoong says under his breath as he squeezes up along Yunho’s thigh.
“You aren’t so bad yourself,” Yunho returns, flexing beneath Jaejoong’s exploring fingers just a little. Jaejoong’s just about to get to the good part when they’re interrupted by drunken giggling.
“Yoochun-ah, where did Jaejoong hyung’s hand go?”
Yoochun leers first at them, then at Junsu. “Jun-chan, you don’t know?” One of Yoochun’s hands also disappears.
“Y-yah! Where are you touching?!”
The look of absolute horror on Junsu’s drunken face is too comical. Jaejoong bursts out laughing, his hands leaving the lure of Yunho’s hard thighs to cup his mouth. Yunho isn’t too sad, his own wide grin threatening to split his cheeks. It’s been a while since they’ve been like this, carefree and silly, but before he can let himself sink into the familiarity, he realizes something - or someone - is missing.
“Where’s Changmin?” Yunho says in the middle of their collective laughter, smile dimming at the realization that their one man short of whole.
“He didn’t want to come!” Yoochun supplies with a small hiccup at the end. “Said he’d rather not spend our only night off getting drunk.”
Junsu titters beside him. “And you call me cheap -hic - he just doesn’t to pay either!”
“Go already,” Jaejoong says so that only Yunho can hear. Ever the observant one, only he’s noticed the shift in Yunho’s mood, the sudden disturbance that Changmin’s absence has caused. “You know where his bunk is, right?”
Yunho nods. Of course he does. He knows where all of them bunk. It’s become a constant need to know where they are after the past couple of years they’ve spent apart. Most people thought that going into the army meant separating from the ones you loved, but for Yunho it meant coming back together. In the aftermath of the lawsuit, the five of them had gone their own ways, JYJ off gallivanting the world while he and Changmin had lived and breathed in the same house without actually living there.
They’d all been too busy in their own schedules, caught up in their own lives for a few years before finally enlisting in the army had become a must. Yunho doesn’t want to think of it as coincidence that all five of them had enlisted to go in at the same time; fate, much like the forming of Dong Bang Shin Ki so many years ago, seemed more like an apt description.
Still, whatever the circumstances, Yunho doesn’t question it. For once in what seemed like a long while, the five of them shared the same space and breathed the same air without having to worry about which CEO they were pissing off or which contract they were going against. They saw each other every day again, even if most of the time it was only fleeting glances or hurried smiles as they caught sight of each other during drills, but just the thought of their physical proximity was enough to fill in the empty spaces that had carved themselves into Yunho’s heart. Now, with all of them so near, it seemed wrong to leave one out. It felt wrong to have one of them missing when finally - finally - they could be together again.
“Not in public,” Yunho whispers as he gets up, throwing a pointed look in Yoochun and Junsu’s direction. Yoochun had a look on his face that Yunho knew all too well, a look that he’d had directed at him a thousand times before so Yunho knows just how lethal it is. It’s a look of heated intent and silent, lustful promises in a way that only Yoochun’s eyes could portray.
Jaejoong winks at him. “Leave it to me.”
--
“You sure you’re not coming?” Sung Joo says from the bunk next to him, hurriedly pulling on his shoes. Changmin suppresses a grin at the way he fumbles with them, as if his feet have become unaccustomed to wearing anything other than the usual heavy leather of their army-issued black combat boots. Changmin could relate somewhat.
“Nah,” he says, pulling a cotton t-shirt over his head to sleep in. “I ache. They had me do a couple of extra drills earlier.”
Sung Joo chuckles. “You’re fault for being a smart ass.”
Changmin shrugs, mentally debating over pajamas or boxers. Running a few extra laps for giving his opinion hadn’t been too bad, even if his aching muscles protested the idea. “Have fun getting drunk.” He calls out as Sung Joo heads for the door. “Turn the lights out, will you?”
Sung Joo complies and the room is plunged into to darkness as Changmin’s eyes take a moment to adjust to the dark. He decides on boxers, pulling on the loose undergarment efficiently even with the lack of sufficient lighting. Moon light casts a bright square across the three empty beds to his right, leaving only his own obscure and dark against the wall. The room is by no means large, just enough to accommodate four beds and four grown men. Changmin doesn’t mind the small space, having spent considerable time in the past sharing just as much and sometimes even less than he did now.
It’s much lonelier this time though, but Changmin doesn’t dwell on it or compare differences. It makes him ache in different ways, mostly a twinge in his chest has he remembers-a twinge he can’t do anything about. Changmin sighs, running fingers through his damp hair, the strands short and close to his head. It’s a little longer than it was a few weeks ago, when he’d been required to shave it off. There was no room in the army for vanity and he’d have to get it cut again soon.
Changmin settles into bed, hands beneath his head as he stares up at the ceiling, mind far away. He’s mindful of the quiet of the room, of the outside, of the lack of noise anywhere. It reminds him that while everyone else is enjoying their first night off, he’d let his loner mentality take over and keep him in like he was wont to do. He knows he should have at least gone out, shown his face so as not to seem too anti-social and breed dislike, but close quarters meant more social interaction than Changmin could handle on a daily basis and he’s glad for the few hours tonight that he could be left alone.
The only downside is that he’s left alone with his thoughts.
His wandering mind inevitably goes to four other men, four others that have never been too far out of his thoughts at any given moment. Thoughts of them are there constantly, unconsciously hovering at the periphery of his mind, called into attention when he spots them across the mess hall, jumping through tires, climbing up rope ladders, or running across the fields. He wonders what they’re doing now, knows instinctively that all four of them are somewhere out there, together and enjoying each other’s company in a way they haven’t been able to in a while. Once, a long time ago he’d have been there with them. Once, they’d come looking for him if he wasn’t, like he was now. Once.
He really is tired though and Changmin doesn’t know how long he lays there, dozing in and out of consciousness, each time falling into a different memory or dreaming up new ones. Sometime in between what could have been a sleepy recollection of Yoochun playing the piano and using his body as keys and the once-upon-a-time reality of Jaejoong lazily feeding him some new concoction, Changmin feels a draft. Vaguely it registers as the door opening and Changmin absently concludes its one of his roommates back from a few hours of debauchery and Changmin promptly slips back into a dreamy fantasy of Junsu seducing with his body to the beats of a song.
It isn’t until his mattress dips and the metal cot squeaks that Changmin realizes that maybe Yunho pressing him into the bed in their old apartment isn’t just some far off memory, but a very odd present. He frowns for a moment, eyelids heavy and mind groggy with sleep. Yunho can’t possibly be here-at least not right now. Not in this room, in the place where privacy was virtually non-existent and relationships with each other weren’t just frowned upon-they were forbidden.
Still, even in his denial, Changmin relishes the feel of familiar lips fluttering against his collarbones, the way slightly callused fingers found familiar paths up and down his skin. It’s too good to be a dream, but at the same time it couldn’t possibly be reality! Changmin forces his eyes open, struggling to focus them, instantly awake when it registers that yes, there is someone else in his bed.
“What are you-”
There are fingers pressed to his lips, the pad of a recognizable thumb brushing against the corner of his mouth. “Shh. It’s me.”
“Yunho? What are you doing here?” Changmin scrambles to sit up, a hand curled around the neck of his shirt keeping him from pulling away. “Aren’t you supposed to be out with the others?”
“I was. Can I stay for a little while, Min-ah?” Yunho asks softly, and Changmin can smell the faint hint of alcohol in his breath. Yunho’s drunk; Changmin’s heart falls a little.
“You shouldn’t be here,” Changmin says instead, pulling at Yunho’s wrist in hopes of dislodging him. “It’ll be hard to explain if you stay.”
Yunho shakes his head. “Just a little while, Changmin. Don’t you want me to stay?”
That’s a dangerous question, one that Changmin doesn’t know how to answer at the moment. If they had been anywhere else, in another time, not necessarily different people just not who they were right now, then the answer would have been yes. God, yes. Fuck, yes. Please, yes.
But not tonight. Changmin wants to say it, but can’t. Not when he knows it’ll just be a stolen moment, a pause in time, an unsatisfying fragment of ‘what had been’ coalescing into what little they had left.
He and Yunho had spent years together living under the same roof and breathing the same air even after the other three had left, but it was never quite the same. They touched and spoke but none of it ever seemed sincere. Like being close in the physical sense but the physical never truly counted. It hadn’t been entirely Yunho’s fault and Changmin wasn’t innocent either, but the things left unspoken between them, things that Changmin had once thought were unvoiced because they were already understood had become like walls instead. Walls erected between them in the most intimate moments; like the one now.
“I’m a little too old for this,” Changmin protests when Yunho answers for him, climbing into the bed. It’s cramped, and even if Changmin had been gathering courage to say no, he held Yunho to him so the older man wouldn’t fall off the edge.
“You’re the maknae, you’ll never be too old for this,” Yunho says coherently. So maybe he isn’t drunk after all. Changmin’s heart lifts a little. He’s accosted by another memory, of a night just a few days after they’d first come to Japan. Everything had been so foreign then, the language awkward, the people odd. Yunho had come to him then too, slipping quietly into his bed, saying he needed the company when in reality Changmin knew Yunho had come to comfort him instead. “Besides, who says this is for you?” Then, more quietly, “I miss you in my bed, Changmin-ah.”
Changmin says nothing as Yunho rests his head on his chest, even turning onto his side so Yunho could settle more comfortably on his arm instead. In the dim light of the moon Yunho watches him for a second, his eyes unreadable before he closes them and lays still. His breath evens out but Changmin knows he isn’t sleeping. He can just barely make out the tiny mole on Yunho’s upper lip, just as enticing as it’s ever been despite not having seen it up close in a while. Changmin gives in and licks at it.
Yunho stiffens in his arms, still and not breathing, hands suddenly tight where they grip Changmin’s hip. Changmin does it again and this time Yunho’s lip twitches and his eyes are keeping themselves squeezed tightly shut. Changmin presses a kiss to his mouth next, running his tongue lightly over the fixed seam of his lips. The second time around is more insistent, coaxing Yunho’s mouth open with the help of a hand wrapped around the back of Yunho’s neck. Yunho doesn’t move, doesn’t reciprocate, just lets Changmin do what he wants, though the fingers clutching at the back of Changmin’s shirt say he isn’t averse to the treatment.
In that instant Changmin knows what he can do. What he’d be allowed to do. The thought makes him a little heady. Yunho always said he preferred older women and somehow Changmin gotten it into his head that he’d never really had a lasting chance. He was younger, male, and it didn’t matter how many times they’d fucked before, he’d never be Yunho’s ideal. It had become a complex over the years and over time he’d just automatically turned and bitten the pillow. Yunho’s muffled whimper into his mouth makes him think that maybe he shouldn’t have been so complacent.
Testing the theory out, Changmin brings up a knee between Yunho’s thighs, pressing none too gently against the growing bulge in his pants. Yunho groans and arches into him. Changmin is ecstatic.
He shifts his weight so that Yunho lies beneath him, responding now with open-mouthed kisses as Changmin presses his own erection against the front of Yunho’s well-worn jeans. He can feel the hardness of the metal zipper along his cock, a pleasure-pain as he pushes Yunho farther into the mattress. Yunho doesn’t fight him, opening his thighs to hook a calf behind Changmin’s knee, pulling him even closer. Changmin groans at the feel of Yunho rubbing against his front, eager and encouraging, and all thoughts of where they are and who could walk in on them flies out of Changmin’s mind. Not much is left except the thought of Yunho under him and the clothes that are keeping them from touching skin to skin.
He isn’t the only one thinking that line of thought. Yunho’s hands, as fast as light, move under the waistband of his boxers, digging fingers into his ass and hauling Changmin against him. “Fuck,” Changmin moans, thrusting against Yunho’s rising hips.
“Please?” He says, sucking at Changmin’s jaw, rolling his hips into the ‘v’ of Changmin’s legs. “Please, Changmin-ah? I want to feel you.”
The words have the funniest effect on him. Changmin’s never been under the impression Yunho needed him. In the group yes, but when that had dissolved, when they’d started to live separate lives… Changmin had thought he’d become irrelevant in Yunho’s life.
“Yes,” he says, and it’s as simple as that. He hadn’t had much on in the first place and he’s naked with a tug or two. Yunho’s attire is a little more complicated, the buttons down his shirt and the one on his jeans proving to be more time consuming than they’re worth. They work on the shirt together and Changmin fumbles a few times because Yunho doesn’t stop the movement of his hips, their cocks pressing together at every rise and fall of Yunho’s body. Just as Changmin starts pulling off his jeans, Yunho holds onto them, hands lost in the fabric.
“Found it,” he says breathily, grinning as he reveals a couple of foil wrapped condoms and a fun-sized tube of lube. “Yoochun,” Yunho supplies at Changmin’s questioning look. “But the lube’s Junsu’s and Jaejoong suggested I bring them.”
“Does everyone know you’re here?” Changmin asks dryly.
“Only the ones that matter,” Yunho replies, “and every single one of them wishes they were here too.”
“Just you is fine for now,” Changmin says, plucking the lube from between Yunho’s open palm. “Can I?” he asks softly, holding up the tube. He’s only done it once or twice in the past but he’d never lost himself in the act, too anxious to truly enjoy the experience.
“You don’t even need to ask,” Yunho answers, eyes bright even in the dim lighting.
Changmin can’t resist the urge to say, “I always thought I had to. You never-”
Yunho shakes his head, silencing Changmin with a kiss. “No, you just assumed. Now please, no more talking? Fuck now, talk later, okay?”
Changmin couldn’t argue with that. He sets down the lube, divesting Yunho of his jeans and feasting on the skin that’s revealed inch by inch. Changmin is delighted to discover that Yunho isn’t wearing any underwear, almost as if he’d prepared for this encounter. The logical part of his brain says that it could have been for any of the other three, but the only organ that’s functioning properly right now is Changmin’s cock and its very happy that tonight Yunho is in his bed and no one else’s.
When the jeans are off, Changmin licks a thick stripe under Yunho’s cock on his way up Yunho’s body, pausing momentarily to lave at the leaking head. Yunho cries out, “Changmin, stop! I’m going to-”
His words are cut off as Changmin sucks the head of his cock, tonguing the slit. A shudder wracks his body, and Changmin prepares himself for Yunho’s release, surprised when none comes. Yunho trembles violently beneath him, twisting the sheets in a white-knuckled grip as he holds his orgasm back. His expression is almost pained, and maybe it is, so Changmin relents. Yunho heaves an exhale when his cock slips from Changmin’s mouth, craning his neck, eyes wild.
“Please, Changmin, not like that,” he pleads. “Fuck me, please. I don’t - I don’t want. I need you inside me. Please?”
Changmin could says it was all the ‘pleases’, combined with the look of need on Yunho’s face, along with his own, but in this moment Changmin realizes that he can deny Yunho nothing. It’s always been that way. The way he’d stayed when the other three had left (because Yunho said he couldn’t leave). The way he’d enlisted secretly right after Yunho had (because Yunho had said once that it’d be great if all of them could go into the army together). Yunho, more than anyone else, was and is and always will be his reason-the deciding factor.
And as Yunho writhes in his bed, begging to be fucked in the darkness illuminated only by the moonlight, Changmin thinks that he could have done worse.
Changmin tries to be gentle, but Yunho isn’t so enthusiastic about that idea. Changmin insists on at least two fingers first. “I don’t need a lot of prep,” Yunho pants, pressing down onto Changmin’s middle and index finger. “I like a little burn.”
He earns himself a pinch to his side when he laughs, the pout of Yunho’s jutting lower lip a pleasant contrast to the circling of his hips. “Why wasn’t I made aware of this earlier?” Changmin asks breathlessly, sucking Yunho’s lower lip into his mouth as he lines up the tip of his cock.
“Because you like taking it up the ass as much as I do?”
Changmin doesn’t give a verbal answer, trusts Yunho’s words instead and slides in with one long thrust. Yunho grunts, clenching around him in surprise and for one horrible moment, Changmin thinks that maybe he’d been wrong. It’s only for a moment, one terrible second, and then Yunho’s clutching at his ass, demanding in no specific terms exactly what he wanted. Changmin is only too eager to comply.
The night is cool and the windows are opened just enough to let a breeze in, but Changmin’s skin prickles with heat. A sheen of sweat covers his skin as he grinds himself into Yunho, the slap of their skin as their hips meet audible even above their loud groans. His name pours out of Yunho’s mouth in a litany of broken syllables, all of them desperate and needy. Changmin hears himself responding in kind: Yunho’s name, ‘I’m sorrys’, and incoherent apologies. One time he even says ‘I love you’ and for the first time in a long time, it actually means something.
The orgasm gathers at his cock, but it’s the heat in his chest that propels him over the edge. There’s something to be said about sex with someone you’ve loved for a very long time but only realized it-truly realized it-in that moment when the both of you are hovering over that edge, racing for the end, that release. It’s different somehow. It’s isn’t just hovering anymore. It’s no longer just a race. It isn’t just coming.
Instead it’s like being shoved and falling willingly, headfirst because that way you’ll fall faster. The crash comes sooner, harder, and instead of pain, the pleasure at the end lasts longer. And the knowledge that every time after this one is going to be just as exhilarating only makes this time even better.
Changmin tries to pull away afterward, not wanting to pin Yunho with his weight, but the older man wraps arms and legs around him to keep him in place. The strength of his embrace is persuasive and Changmin sags into it without a fight. Even long after they’ve caught they’re breaths and Yunho’s come dried between them, Changmin has no desire to move. This languid feeling, this afterglow is something he’s always denied himself, always mindful others. But-like many instances tonight-Changmin realizes that maybe he’d been too mindful of himself to notice that those others, most especially the four who counted, wouldn’t have minded at all.
I love you seems like the most appropriate sentiment for the moment, but Changmin doesn’t say it again. He knows Yunho can feel it, that Yunho accepts it and suddenly all the years that have passed don’t matter anymore. The only thing that does is right now, enjoying the post-coital bliss in Yunho’s arms. But even as he lays there, pressing lazy kisses onto Yunho’s chest, Changmin can’t help but suppress a small smile, thinking of one more thing.
How to get the other three feeling the exact same way.
A/N2: so um, yeah. A few weeks ago, the awesome vaguelynormal and I had a sort of write off and the prompt was ‘army!verse’. She came up with a 4 part installment of EPICness and I came up with… well this. So a different take on the same side of the coin. Or something like that. Hope you enjoyed anyway :)
Comments are ♥ look forward to more from she and I in the future :D