being an idiot is being repetitive and naive...i am the bigggest idiot
Ugh......life sucks...
so there is a possibility that my significant other was not being faithful. there has always been that possibility but right now its more likely. i usually call him on saturdays but this weekend i went camping and could not call him. so i called him tuesday but he did not show. i call public phones because he does not have his own phone. so i called thursday, i really wanted to tell him that i wasnt going to be able to call him saturday just to make sure he did not get upset. but once again he did not show. so i wrote him an e-mail, although i doubted he would read it any time soon, which he has not. well sunday came and i called again, he did not show again. so at first i felt bad because maybe he though i just stood him up on saturday or something. so the rest of sunday i felt bad about it. then monday came, i was almost sure he would be there, he was not. so now im pissed. i began to think, it was about this time last year...three weeks before i was supposed to go see him, that i found out that he had other girlfriends during my absence. i was mad then, but i didnt exactly behave either so we made ammends and decided to forgive and forget. but, prior to being told he was not faithful last year, he had kept on asking me if i would ever forgive a deception/cheating, he said he just wanted to know what type of person i was in that perspective. i brushed it aside and paid no mind to it really, i should have. well this time around its almost the same. except now he's asking me what would i do if i was really mad at him when i got there. he keeps asking if i would still kiss him and hug him if i were really mad. once again i brushed it off and paid no mind. like i said in my subject, i am an idiot. i think iam on the narrow road to broken heartedness. im so sad, it sucks and it hurts, and i wish gabe would leave the office already so i can be sad alone and listen to my songs as louder and not feel bad about it. DAMNIT CARLOS!!!!! i waited for him faithfully and whole heartedly this time. i wanted to see him so bad, i just wanted to be with him soon. but no, all this has to happen. i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it. life blows
so there is a possibility that my significant other was not being faithful. there has always been that possibility but right now its more likely. i usually call him on saturdays but this weekend i went camping and could not call him. so i called him tuesday but he did not show. i call public phones because he does not have his own phone. so i called thursday, i really wanted to tell him that i wasnt going to be able to call him saturday just to make sure he did not get upset. but once again he did not show. so i wrote him an e-mail, although i doubted he would read it any time soon, which he has not. well sunday came and i called again, he did not show again. so at first i felt bad because maybe he though i just stood him up on saturday or something. so the rest of sunday i felt bad about it. then monday came, i was almost sure he would be there, he was not. so now im pissed. i began to think, it was about this time last year...three weeks before i was supposed to go see him, that i found out that he had other girlfriends during my absence. i was mad then, but i didnt exactly behave either so we made ammends and decided to forgive and forget. but, prior to being told he was not faithful last year, he had kept on asking me if i would ever forgive a deception/cheating, he said he just wanted to know what type of person i was in that perspective. i brushed it aside and paid no mind to it really, i should have. well this time around its almost the same. except now he's asking me what would i do if i was really mad at him when i got there. he keeps asking if i would still kiss him and hug him if i were really mad. once again i brushed it off and paid no mind. like i said in my subject, i am an idiot. i think iam on the narrow road to broken heartedness. im so sad, it sucks and it hurts, and i wish gabe would leave the office already so i can be sad alone and listen to my songs as louder and not feel bad about it. DAMNIT CARLOS!!!!! i waited for him faithfully and whole heartedly this time. i wanted to see him so bad, i just wanted to be with him soon. but no, all this has to happen. i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it. life blows