In the Clutches of This Darkness - Part V
Part V
Rodney would have preferred a day with just John, but he knows better than to protest. They have to be careful, and letting Mitchell and others tag along-no matter how annoying Rodney finds Mitchell-is a good way to make people think that he and John are just friends.
He’s surprised by how much fun he has, first with the go-karts, and then with mini-golf. He and John play video games and race cars through the hallways, but those are stolen moments. Rodney can’t remember the last time he’s spent several days in a row doing so very little work.
The break is nice, but he’s looking forward to getting back to his job, if only because it will mean that things are returning to normal.
And it turns out that Mitchell isn’t quite as annoying when he’s letting Timos beat him at go-karts.
But that night, they can’t put it off any longer. They have to talk to Timos.
Timos is still buzzing from the junk food Mitchell had bought for him when they get back to Rodney’s apartment after dropping Jeannie and Madison off at the hotel.
“That was so cool,” Timos says, almost bouncing. “Can we do it again? Please?”
“Maybe so,” John says. “If we can, we will. Can we talk to you for a minute? It’s pretty serious.”
Rodney can see all the excitement drain out of Timos in a moment. “Is it bad?”
John shakes his head. “No, it’s not bad. It’s just a little complicated. Come on, sit down.”
Timos crawls into John’s lap. “Am I in trouble?”
“No, no,” John says quickly. “But you know how I’ve been sharing the bed with Rodney?”
Timos frowns. “Yeah?”
“You can’t tell anybody about that,” John continues. “There are rules, and I might get into trouble.”
“Why?”
Rodney snorts. “Because the American military is full of homophobic assholes.”
John glares at him. “McKay-”
“It’s true,” Rodney defends. “They aren’t okay with two men loving each other.”
John flushes. “Okay, fine. But Timos, no one can know.”
“You love him?” Timos asks, looking at Rodney.
Rodney winces, uncomfortable. “Yes. I do.”
Timos nods. “Okay.”
“Aren’t you going to ask John if he loves me?” Rodney asks.
Timos frowns. “I knew that.”
John chuckles. “I might have mentioned you a time or two.”
“All right, then,” Rodney says. “But Timos, you understand, don’t you?”
Timos nods. “It’s a secret.”
“Can you keep a secret?” Rodney asks.
Some indefinable emotion crosses Timos’ face, and he looks very much like John at that moment. “Yes,” he replies with assurance. “I can keep a secret.”
“It’s important, because you need to talk to a doctor,” John says. “Remember when we talked about a doctor for the inside of your head?”
Timos nods.
“I need you to talk to the doctor,” John says. “Just be honest, at least about everything other than where I’m sleeping.”
Timos frowns. “I don’t want to talk to a doctor. I don’t need one.”
“I know you don’t, but they want to make sure you’re okay to go back to Atlantis,” John says. “It’s really important, Timos. Will you do it for me?”
Timos nods. “Okay, I guess.”
“It’s going to be fine,” John promises, although Rodney notices that he doesn’t sound too sure of that himself. “I can’t be in the room with you, but I’ll be close. If you need me, I’ll be there.” John pulls Timos into a tight hug. “Go get ready for bed, okay?”
“The doctor isn’t going to take him away from you,” Rodney says in a low voice once Timos is in the bathroom and the water is running. “I’m pretty sure the entire SGC is on your side. And you know I can make all their lives absolutely miserable until they give us what we want.”
“You can’t go around threatening generals and the IOA,” John protests, but there’s a smile tilting his lips just slightly.
“Watch me,” Rodney replies.
They don’t do anything that night, other than exchanging a few kisses. Rodney can tell that John is preoccupied and anxious over the mandatory visit with the psychologist, and it makes sense. At least John knows what to expect from a psychologist’s probing; Timos doesn’t.
John tosses and turns and finally goes out to the living room around 2 am. Rodney drops off almost immediately after John leaves, but finds that he misses waking up next to John in the morning. When he emerges from the bedroom, John is making coffee, dark circles under his eyes and deep lines around his eyes and mouth.
“Hey,” he says when he sees Rodney. “Did you sleep okay?”
Rodney shrugs. “Well enough, I guess. Did you sleep at all?”
“Maybe an hour or two,” he admits. “I’ll be okay. I think O’Neill is running interference for me with the generals and the IOA.”
“Good,” Rodney says. “It’s about time someone did.”
“It has to be done,” John replies.
Rodney shakes his head. “This needs to be the end,” Rodney insists. “They can’t keep dicking you around, John.”
“That’s how these things work,” John replies. “The debriefing is almost as bad as the torture.”
Rodney frowns. “Come on.”
“The IOA overstepped their bounds the other day,” John admits. “I told them off, and O’Neill told them where to shove it. He seemed to indicate that this is the last hurdle.”
“I’m coming with you,” Rodney insists.
John smiles. “Thanks, McKay. What about Jeannie?”
“We’re meeting her to go swimming again this afternoon,” Rodney points out, “and she understands.”
“She knows,” John observes.
“She guessed. She’ll keep our secret.” Rodney reaches for John, putting a hand on his shoulder, his thumb caressing the side of John’s neck. “I’ve got some ideas for advancing Timos’ education when we get back to Atlantis.”
John rests his forehead against Rodney’s. “You’re so sure we’re going back.”
“Of course.” Rodney feels John’s hand at his waist. “Super-genius here, remember?”
John huffs a laugh. “How could I forget?”
~~~~~
John isn’t sure who had arranged to have the interrogation room decorated with a low, child-sized table and brightly colored beanbag chairs. Or who had put out a stack of paper and a large tub of crayons out.
“We’ve got to go talk to the doctor,” John says. “You going to be okay here for a few minutes?”
Timos nods, but his expression is uncertain. “Are you going to be okay?”
John smiles and ruffles his hair. “Don’t worry about me, kiddo. I’ve got Rodney and General O’Neill watching my back.”
When he enters the observation room, he finds Rodney, O’Neill, Landry, and a woman who has to be the doctor waiting for him.
“Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard, Dr. Colleen Maly,” Landry says.
Maly is a petite, compact woman with bright red hair and a cheerful grin. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Colonel Sheppard,” she says, shaking his hand with a firm grip.
“Doctor,” John replies neutrally, wearing his most charming smile. “Thanks for coming.”
“Well, it’s not often the US Air Force offers an all-expenses paid trip,” Maly replies. “I want you to know I’ve treated many children who have been traumatized, including kids who have been tortured.”
John grimaces. “I’m not sure that makes me feel better.”
“The doc here has read your file,” O’Neill says. “At least, the parts that aren’t classified as top secret.”
John raises an eyebrow. Most of his file is classified, but he assumes that the SGC has told her enough to let her make an honest evaluation. “Timos has been through the ringer, ma’am,” he says quietly. “I appreciate your sensitivity.”
“I’m not here to hurt him, Colonel,” she assures him. “I’m just here to make sure he’s getting all the help he needs.”
“And how would you know what he needs?” Rodney asks from the corner of the room, having been curiously quiet up until that point. “You’ve never met him.”
“No, but I am an expert in child psychology and trauma,” she replies pleasantly enough. “Colonel? Maybe you can make the introductions.”
John nods, figuring that the sooner they get started, the sooner they can finish. “Sure.”
Timos glances up suspiciously as they enter. “Is this her?”
John tries to hide his smile. “This is Dr. Maly. She’s the doctor for the inside of your head.”
When John nudges him, Timos stands and holds out his hand politely. “Nice to meet you.”
“It’s very nice to meet you, too,” Maly replies.
“I don’t need a doctor,” Timos asserts.
Maly smiles. “You probably don’t, but there are some people who are worried that you do, and it’s always better to be safe than sorry.”
Timos sighs. “I guess so.”
Maly glances at John. “I think I can take it from here, Colonel Sheppard.”
John nods. “I’ll be close,” he promises. “Just answer the questions as best you can.”
John retreats to the observation room, and Maly is already seated at the table, beginning to draw a picture. “I like drawing, too,” she says. “Do you want to draw a picture?”
“I guess we can,” Timos replies begrudgingly.
“Do you know why I’m here?” Maly asks.
“You’re a doctor for the inside of my head,” Timos replies.
Maly smiles. “That’s right. How old are you, Timos?”
Timos shrugs. “I don’t know. I don’t remember.”
Landry sighs. “I knew this was a bad idea.”
“Then why didn’t you fight this a little harder?” O’Neill demands.
Landry shakes his head. “Because it seemed like a good idea at the time.”
“Then you agree with me,” O’Neill says. “We’re done after this.”
Landry shrugs. “After this, yes, we’re done. If she clears it, Timos goes back to Atlantis with Colonel Sheppard.”
John turns. “Wait. I can go back on duty after this?”
“Oh, no, Sheppard. You’re still going to be on vacation for the full month,” O’Neill insists. “You’ll thank me for it later. You need time to be with your kid.”
John glances at Rodney. “You okay with staying?”
“I told you I had leave to burn,” Rodney replies.
John smiles and turns his attention back to Maly and Timos, who is asking, “How come Daddy can’t be here?”
“Sometimes we’re more honest if we’re talking to someone we don’t know well,” Maly replies. “We don’t have to protect people we don’t know like we protect the people we love.”
Timos frowns at that. “Superheroes protect everybody.”
“Yes, they do. Is that what you want to be?”
Timos deflects by saying, “My daddy is a superhero. He protects everybody.”
“Did he protect you?” Maly counters
John stiffens and feels Rodney step up next to him at the observation window. “You don’t have to do this,” Rodney says softly. “You can go wait out in the hall, and I’ll watch.”
John shakes his head. “I can’t. I have to stay.”
Timos hasn’t responded to the question, instead focusing on the paper in front of him and the crayon in his hand.
“You know, sometimes even a superhero can’t protect everybody,” Maly says gently. “That’s not a failure. That’s just how life works out sometimes.”
Timos doesn’t reply, ignoring her in favor of searching out a new crayon.
“It’s okay to be angry with your dad, you know,” Maly says, her tone low. “It’s perfectly natural.”
Timos bursts into motion, sweeping the box of crayons off the table with his arm, scattering them across the floor. “You don’t know anything!”
Maly isn’t fazed. “What don’t I know, Timos?”
“It’s my fault!” Timos shouts.
John feels the blood drain from his face.
“What’s your fault?” Maly asks gently. “Why?”
“Michael told me,” Timos shouts. “If John didn’t have me around, he could have escaped, and then he wouldn’t have been hurt. He got hurt every single day because I was too slow!”
Landry makes a sound from behind John. “I didn’t think Michael got his hands on Timos without you around.”
“I-I didn’t remember it,” John mutters. He pinches the bridge of his nose. “There was a day,” he says slowly. “I was too sick, delirious. I didn’t remember until now. I-”
He felt sick now, wondering how many days he’d missed without knowing it.
“When you’re tortured, the days seem to blend into each other,” O’Neill says gently. “It’s okay, Sheppard.”
Timos’ face is twisted up now. “Michael said he’d made me to keep John under control! He told me that if we left, I’d die, but I thought it would be better! He’d be okay without me holding him back. John has to go back to Atlantis. He has to, and if he doesn’t, it will be my fault. It’s all my fault.”
At this point, John doesn’t give a rat’s ass what the IOA or the SGC wants. He needs to get to his son, and he bursts through the door and sweeps Timos into his arms.
“You kept me alive,” John mutters into Timos’ hair. “You were the only reason I stayed alive. It’s okay. It’s not your fault. It was never your fault, not any of it.”
Timos sobs into John’s shoulder, and John holds him tight, rocking him slowly, not caring who saw them or what they thought.
~~~~~
Maly storms into the observation room, her expression thunderous. “I get needing to keep me in the dark about certain things, but you didn’t tell me half of what I needed to know!”
O’Neill holds up his hands, as though in surrender. “You understand why I couldn’t divulge all the details.”
“It would have helped to know Timos was a clone!” Maly shoots back. “And it would have helped to know even a little more than I already did. I wouldn’t have taken the tack I had.”
“How is he?” Landry asks.
Maly rolls her eyes. “He’s traumatized, and he thinks it’s his fault. In a sense, he’s right, because if I understood that correctly, he was created with the sole purpose of controlling Colonel Sheppard.”
“That doesn’t make it his fault,” Rodney says hotly.
Maly sighs. “It’s not his fault, but I can see why he would think it is. Look, Timos probably could use long term counseling, but more than that, he needs people who love him, who can tell him over and over again that it’s not his fault.” She waves at the observation window. “It looks like he has that, and from what I’ve gathered, Timos isn’t going to be in the area long.”
“Then Colonel Sheppard is an appropriate guardian,” Landry says.
Maly snorts. “If you ask me, the colonel is the only guardian. If you remove Timos from his custody, Timos will believe that he’s right, and that he doesn’t deserve to be with Sheppard, or that he doesn’t want him. If it’s at all possible for Colonel Sheppard to retain custody, he should.” She waves at the window. “Just look at them.”
Rodney looks through the window and sees John sprawled on one of the beanbag chairs, Timos in his lap, the boy’s face buried in his shoulder. John strokes Timos’ hair and his back, his mouth moving in what Rodney can only assume are reassurances, Timos’ small fingers clutching John’s shirt.
“Let’s give them the time they need,” O’Neill says. “McKay, let me know when they’re ready to leave. I think this whole thing calls for ice cream.”
Maly sighs. “Let Colonel Sheppard know that I’m sorry to have pushed the way I did. I’ll be happy to talk to him when he’s ready-if he’s ready-and the same goes for Timos.”
Rodney enters the room quietly, and pulls over a second chair, ignoring the creaking of his knees and the popping of his spine as he lowers himself onto the child-size chair.
“Hey,” John says wearily.
Rodney nods and says, “Timos.” When the boy doesn’t look up, Rodney says again, “Timos.”
Timos lifts his tearstained face to look at Rodney. “What?”
“Have I ever lied to you?” he asks.
Timos shakes his head. “No.”
“Then believe me when I say that none of this was your fault,” Rodney says. “And that you kept John alive until we could rescue you. I owe you for that.”
Timos shakes his head, his eyes filling with tears. “But Michael said-”
“Michael was a lying bastard,” Rodney says, his voice low and fierce. “It doesn’t matter how you came to be here, we want you here.”
“Really?” Timos asks.
Rodney nods. “You’re part of our team, remember?”
Timos launches himself at Rodney, thin arms going around Rodney’s neck, and Rodney holds him back, meeting John’s eyes over the top of Timos’ head.
Rodney sees the gratitude in John’s eyes, and he wishes he could kiss John now, but they can’t, not while under the watchful eyes of the SGC.
“O’Neill said something about ice cream, when we’re ready,” Rodney says.
Timos doesn’t let go, though, and John smiles and touches Rodney’s hand, where it rests on Timos’ back, connecting all of three of them.
~~~~~
After the tumultuous morning, John’s grateful for the quiet afternoon. O’Neill somehow manages to get ice cream-really good ice cream-delivered to the commissary. Maly joins them and redeems herself by telling stories about her travels in Africa, entertaining Timos with tales of seeing various creatures.
“If your dad hasn’t taken you to the zoo yet, you should ask him to,” Maly says. “You’ll love it.”
“I think that can be arranged,” John says, before Timos starts begging. “Maybe tomorrow, with Jeannie and Madison.”
“You should enjoy your vacation,” O’Neill insists. “You’re done here, as far as I’m concerned. No more hoops, Sheppard.”
That afternoon, they join Jeannie at the hotel, and John gives more swimming lessons, teaching Madison and Timos the breaststroke, until they can both cross the length of the pool.
Jeannie and Rodney work on one of Rodney’s projects with a remarkable lack of acrimony.
And it’s good, better than John could have hoped for.
They grab dinner at the restaurant next door to the hotel, the kids and John still slightly damp, with Timos cheerful, the morning trauma forgotten.
“So, the zoo tomorrow,” Jeannie says. “And then I think Maddie and I will head home the next day. You guys seem to have things under control here.”
John smiles. “I guess we do.”
That night, after they’ve put Timos to bed and retreated to Rodney’s bedroom, John says, “Timos is probably going to have nightmares tonight.”
“Then we’ll keep this short,” Rodney replies, and strips John down with his clever hands. “But one of these days, we’re going to have to find a way to take our time.”
“Maybe when Teyla and Ronon come,” John replies. “Timos might be more comfortable with them.”
Rodney smiles. “The stories you told. I want to hear them someday,” and then he fists John’s cock.
John arches up into Rodney’s touch and fumbles Rodney’s pants open to return the favor. “How about now?”
“How about later?” Rodney counters.
They jack each other off without any other words being exchanged, and John relaxes into Rodney’s touch. They have three weeks left, three weeks to learn each other’s bodies, to enjoy a life free of Wraith, and free of emergencies.
They’ll deal with the rest of it when they get back to Atlantis, but John is grateful for what they have right now.
Rodney comes first over John’s fist, but he somehow manages to keep his own rhythm. John covers Rodney’s hand with his own, varying the pace to bring his orgasm on faster.
John fishes around for a t-shirt to clean them both off, and then they pull on boxers and clean t-shirts in case Timos comes in.
He falls asleep almost immediately, but is woken up by whimpers from the living room, and he disentangles himself from Rodney to go to Timos.
Shaking Timos awake, John isn’t surprised when Timos clings to him, unwilling to let go. “Come on,” John murmurs. “It’s okay.”
He carries Timos back to the bedroom and lays him in between him and Rodney. “You’re safe now,” John murmurs, holding Timos close. “You’re safe. We both are.”
Rodney murmurs and rolls over, throwing an arm across John’s waist, sandwiching Timos between them.
And John believes what he’s saying.
They’re safe.
Epilogue
Rodney would have preferred a day with just John, but he knows better than to protest. They have to be careful, and letting Mitchell and others tag along-no matter how annoying Rodney finds Mitchell-is a good way to make people think that he and John are just friends.
He’s surprised by how much fun he has, first with the go-karts, and then with mini-golf. He and John play video games and race cars through the hallways, but those are stolen moments. Rodney can’t remember the last time he’s spent several days in a row doing so very little work.
The break is nice, but he’s looking forward to getting back to his job, if only because it will mean that things are returning to normal.
And it turns out that Mitchell isn’t quite as annoying when he’s letting Timos beat him at go-karts.
But that night, they can’t put it off any longer. They have to talk to Timos.
Timos is still buzzing from the junk food Mitchell had bought for him when they get back to Rodney’s apartment after dropping Jeannie and Madison off at the hotel.
“That was so cool,” Timos says, almost bouncing. “Can we do it again? Please?”
“Maybe so,” John says. “If we can, we will. Can we talk to you for a minute? It’s pretty serious.”
Rodney can see all the excitement drain out of Timos in a moment. “Is it bad?”
John shakes his head. “No, it’s not bad. It’s just a little complicated. Come on, sit down.”
Timos crawls into John’s lap. “Am I in trouble?”
“No, no,” John says quickly. “But you know how I’ve been sharing the bed with Rodney?”
Timos frowns. “Yeah?”
“You can’t tell anybody about that,” John continues. “There are rules, and I might get into trouble.”
“Why?”
Rodney snorts. “Because the American military is full of homophobic assholes.”
John glares at him. “McKay-”
“It’s true,” Rodney defends. “They aren’t okay with two men loving each other.”
John flushes. “Okay, fine. But Timos, no one can know.”
“You love him?” Timos asks, looking at Rodney.
Rodney winces, uncomfortable. “Yes. I do.”
Timos nods. “Okay.”
“Aren’t you going to ask John if he loves me?” Rodney asks.
Timos frowns. “I knew that.”
John chuckles. “I might have mentioned you a time or two.”
“All right, then,” Rodney says. “But Timos, you understand, don’t you?”
Timos nods. “It’s a secret.”
“Can you keep a secret?” Rodney asks.
Some indefinable emotion crosses Timos’ face, and he looks very much like John at that moment. “Yes,” he replies with assurance. “I can keep a secret.”
“It’s important, because you need to talk to a doctor,” John says. “Remember when we talked about a doctor for the inside of your head?”
Timos nods.
“I need you to talk to the doctor,” John says. “Just be honest, at least about everything other than where I’m sleeping.”
Timos frowns. “I don’t want to talk to a doctor. I don’t need one.”
“I know you don’t, but they want to make sure you’re okay to go back to Atlantis,” John says. “It’s really important, Timos. Will you do it for me?”
Timos nods. “Okay, I guess.”
“It’s going to be fine,” John promises, although Rodney notices that he doesn’t sound too sure of that himself. “I can’t be in the room with you, but I’ll be close. If you need me, I’ll be there.” John pulls Timos into a tight hug. “Go get ready for bed, okay?”
“The doctor isn’t going to take him away from you,” Rodney says in a low voice once Timos is in the bathroom and the water is running. “I’m pretty sure the entire SGC is on your side. And you know I can make all their lives absolutely miserable until they give us what we want.”
“You can’t go around threatening generals and the IOA,” John protests, but there’s a smile tilting his lips just slightly.
“Watch me,” Rodney replies.
They don’t do anything that night, other than exchanging a few kisses. Rodney can tell that John is preoccupied and anxious over the mandatory visit with the psychologist, and it makes sense. At least John knows what to expect from a psychologist’s probing; Timos doesn’t.
John tosses and turns and finally goes out to the living room around 2 am. Rodney drops off almost immediately after John leaves, but finds that he misses waking up next to John in the morning. When he emerges from the bedroom, John is making coffee, dark circles under his eyes and deep lines around his eyes and mouth.
“Hey,” he says when he sees Rodney. “Did you sleep okay?”
Rodney shrugs. “Well enough, I guess. Did you sleep at all?”
“Maybe an hour or two,” he admits. “I’ll be okay. I think O’Neill is running interference for me with the generals and the IOA.”
“Good,” Rodney says. “It’s about time someone did.”
“It has to be done,” John replies.
Rodney shakes his head. “This needs to be the end,” Rodney insists. “They can’t keep dicking you around, John.”
“That’s how these things work,” John replies. “The debriefing is almost as bad as the torture.”
Rodney frowns. “Come on.”
“The IOA overstepped their bounds the other day,” John admits. “I told them off, and O’Neill told them where to shove it. He seemed to indicate that this is the last hurdle.”
“I’m coming with you,” Rodney insists.
John smiles. “Thanks, McKay. What about Jeannie?”
“We’re meeting her to go swimming again this afternoon,” Rodney points out, “and she understands.”
“She knows,” John observes.
“She guessed. She’ll keep our secret.” Rodney reaches for John, putting a hand on his shoulder, his thumb caressing the side of John’s neck. “I’ve got some ideas for advancing Timos’ education when we get back to Atlantis.”
John rests his forehead against Rodney’s. “You’re so sure we’re going back.”
“Of course.” Rodney feels John’s hand at his waist. “Super-genius here, remember?”
John huffs a laugh. “How could I forget?”
~~~~~
John isn’t sure who had arranged to have the interrogation room decorated with a low, child-sized table and brightly colored beanbag chairs. Or who had put out a stack of paper and a large tub of crayons out.
“We’ve got to go talk to the doctor,” John says. “You going to be okay here for a few minutes?”
Timos nods, but his expression is uncertain. “Are you going to be okay?”
John smiles and ruffles his hair. “Don’t worry about me, kiddo. I’ve got Rodney and General O’Neill watching my back.”
When he enters the observation room, he finds Rodney, O’Neill, Landry, and a woman who has to be the doctor waiting for him.
“Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard, Dr. Colleen Maly,” Landry says.
Maly is a petite, compact woman with bright red hair and a cheerful grin. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Colonel Sheppard,” she says, shaking his hand with a firm grip.
“Doctor,” John replies neutrally, wearing his most charming smile. “Thanks for coming.”
“Well, it’s not often the US Air Force offers an all-expenses paid trip,” Maly replies. “I want you to know I’ve treated many children who have been traumatized, including kids who have been tortured.”
John grimaces. “I’m not sure that makes me feel better.”
“The doc here has read your file,” O’Neill says. “At least, the parts that aren’t classified as top secret.”
John raises an eyebrow. Most of his file is classified, but he assumes that the SGC has told her enough to let her make an honest evaluation. “Timos has been through the ringer, ma’am,” he says quietly. “I appreciate your sensitivity.”
“I’m not here to hurt him, Colonel,” she assures him. “I’m just here to make sure he’s getting all the help he needs.”
“And how would you know what he needs?” Rodney asks from the corner of the room, having been curiously quiet up until that point. “You’ve never met him.”
“No, but I am an expert in child psychology and trauma,” she replies pleasantly enough. “Colonel? Maybe you can make the introductions.”
John nods, figuring that the sooner they get started, the sooner they can finish. “Sure.”
Timos glances up suspiciously as they enter. “Is this her?”
John tries to hide his smile. “This is Dr. Maly. She’s the doctor for the inside of your head.”
When John nudges him, Timos stands and holds out his hand politely. “Nice to meet you.”
“It’s very nice to meet you, too,” Maly replies.
“I don’t need a doctor,” Timos asserts.
Maly smiles. “You probably don’t, but there are some people who are worried that you do, and it’s always better to be safe than sorry.”
Timos sighs. “I guess so.”
Maly glances at John. “I think I can take it from here, Colonel Sheppard.”
John nods. “I’ll be close,” he promises. “Just answer the questions as best you can.”
John retreats to the observation room, and Maly is already seated at the table, beginning to draw a picture. “I like drawing, too,” she says. “Do you want to draw a picture?”
“I guess we can,” Timos replies begrudgingly.
“Do you know why I’m here?” Maly asks.
“You’re a doctor for the inside of my head,” Timos replies.
Maly smiles. “That’s right. How old are you, Timos?”
Timos shrugs. “I don’t know. I don’t remember.”
Landry sighs. “I knew this was a bad idea.”
“Then why didn’t you fight this a little harder?” O’Neill demands.
Landry shakes his head. “Because it seemed like a good idea at the time.”
“Then you agree with me,” O’Neill says. “We’re done after this.”
Landry shrugs. “After this, yes, we’re done. If she clears it, Timos goes back to Atlantis with Colonel Sheppard.”
John turns. “Wait. I can go back on duty after this?”
“Oh, no, Sheppard. You’re still going to be on vacation for the full month,” O’Neill insists. “You’ll thank me for it later. You need time to be with your kid.”
John glances at Rodney. “You okay with staying?”
“I told you I had leave to burn,” Rodney replies.
John smiles and turns his attention back to Maly and Timos, who is asking, “How come Daddy can’t be here?”
“Sometimes we’re more honest if we’re talking to someone we don’t know well,” Maly replies. “We don’t have to protect people we don’t know like we protect the people we love.”
Timos frowns at that. “Superheroes protect everybody.”
“Yes, they do. Is that what you want to be?”
Timos deflects by saying, “My daddy is a superhero. He protects everybody.”
“Did he protect you?” Maly counters
John stiffens and feels Rodney step up next to him at the observation window. “You don’t have to do this,” Rodney says softly. “You can go wait out in the hall, and I’ll watch.”
John shakes his head. “I can’t. I have to stay.”
Timos hasn’t responded to the question, instead focusing on the paper in front of him and the crayon in his hand.
“You know, sometimes even a superhero can’t protect everybody,” Maly says gently. “That’s not a failure. That’s just how life works out sometimes.”
Timos doesn’t reply, ignoring her in favor of searching out a new crayon.
“It’s okay to be angry with your dad, you know,” Maly says, her tone low. “It’s perfectly natural.”
Timos bursts into motion, sweeping the box of crayons off the table with his arm, scattering them across the floor. “You don’t know anything!”
Maly isn’t fazed. “What don’t I know, Timos?”
“It’s my fault!” Timos shouts.
John feels the blood drain from his face.
“What’s your fault?” Maly asks gently. “Why?”
“Michael told me,” Timos shouts. “If John didn’t have me around, he could have escaped, and then he wouldn’t have been hurt. He got hurt every single day because I was too slow!”
Landry makes a sound from behind John. “I didn’t think Michael got his hands on Timos without you around.”
“I-I didn’t remember it,” John mutters. He pinches the bridge of his nose. “There was a day,” he says slowly. “I was too sick, delirious. I didn’t remember until now. I-”
He felt sick now, wondering how many days he’d missed without knowing it.
“When you’re tortured, the days seem to blend into each other,” O’Neill says gently. “It’s okay, Sheppard.”
Timos’ face is twisted up now. “Michael said he’d made me to keep John under control! He told me that if we left, I’d die, but I thought it would be better! He’d be okay without me holding him back. John has to go back to Atlantis. He has to, and if he doesn’t, it will be my fault. It’s all my fault.”
At this point, John doesn’t give a rat’s ass what the IOA or the SGC wants. He needs to get to his son, and he bursts through the door and sweeps Timos into his arms.
“You kept me alive,” John mutters into Timos’ hair. “You were the only reason I stayed alive. It’s okay. It’s not your fault. It was never your fault, not any of it.”
Timos sobs into John’s shoulder, and John holds him tight, rocking him slowly, not caring who saw them or what they thought.
~~~~~
Maly storms into the observation room, her expression thunderous. “I get needing to keep me in the dark about certain things, but you didn’t tell me half of what I needed to know!”
O’Neill holds up his hands, as though in surrender. “You understand why I couldn’t divulge all the details.”
“It would have helped to know Timos was a clone!” Maly shoots back. “And it would have helped to know even a little more than I already did. I wouldn’t have taken the tack I had.”
“How is he?” Landry asks.
Maly rolls her eyes. “He’s traumatized, and he thinks it’s his fault. In a sense, he’s right, because if I understood that correctly, he was created with the sole purpose of controlling Colonel Sheppard.”
“That doesn’t make it his fault,” Rodney says hotly.
Maly sighs. “It’s not his fault, but I can see why he would think it is. Look, Timos probably could use long term counseling, but more than that, he needs people who love him, who can tell him over and over again that it’s not his fault.” She waves at the observation window. “It looks like he has that, and from what I’ve gathered, Timos isn’t going to be in the area long.”
“Then Colonel Sheppard is an appropriate guardian,” Landry says.
Maly snorts. “If you ask me, the colonel is the only guardian. If you remove Timos from his custody, Timos will believe that he’s right, and that he doesn’t deserve to be with Sheppard, or that he doesn’t want him. If it’s at all possible for Colonel Sheppard to retain custody, he should.” She waves at the window. “Just look at them.”
Rodney looks through the window and sees John sprawled on one of the beanbag chairs, Timos in his lap, the boy’s face buried in his shoulder. John strokes Timos’ hair and his back, his mouth moving in what Rodney can only assume are reassurances, Timos’ small fingers clutching John’s shirt.
“Let’s give them the time they need,” O’Neill says. “McKay, let me know when they’re ready to leave. I think this whole thing calls for ice cream.”
Maly sighs. “Let Colonel Sheppard know that I’m sorry to have pushed the way I did. I’ll be happy to talk to him when he’s ready-if he’s ready-and the same goes for Timos.”
Rodney enters the room quietly, and pulls over a second chair, ignoring the creaking of his knees and the popping of his spine as he lowers himself onto the child-size chair.
“Hey,” John says wearily.
Rodney nods and says, “Timos.” When the boy doesn’t look up, Rodney says again, “Timos.”
Timos lifts his tearstained face to look at Rodney. “What?”
“Have I ever lied to you?” he asks.
Timos shakes his head. “No.”
“Then believe me when I say that none of this was your fault,” Rodney says. “And that you kept John alive until we could rescue you. I owe you for that.”
Timos shakes his head, his eyes filling with tears. “But Michael said-”
“Michael was a lying bastard,” Rodney says, his voice low and fierce. “It doesn’t matter how you came to be here, we want you here.”
“Really?” Timos asks.
Rodney nods. “You’re part of our team, remember?”
Timos launches himself at Rodney, thin arms going around Rodney’s neck, and Rodney holds him back, meeting John’s eyes over the top of Timos’ head.
Rodney sees the gratitude in John’s eyes, and he wishes he could kiss John now, but they can’t, not while under the watchful eyes of the SGC.
“O’Neill said something about ice cream, when we’re ready,” Rodney says.
Timos doesn’t let go, though, and John smiles and touches Rodney’s hand, where it rests on Timos’ back, connecting all of three of them.
~~~~~
After the tumultuous morning, John’s grateful for the quiet afternoon. O’Neill somehow manages to get ice cream-really good ice cream-delivered to the commissary. Maly joins them and redeems herself by telling stories about her travels in Africa, entertaining Timos with tales of seeing various creatures.
“If your dad hasn’t taken you to the zoo yet, you should ask him to,” Maly says. “You’ll love it.”
“I think that can be arranged,” John says, before Timos starts begging. “Maybe tomorrow, with Jeannie and Madison.”
“You should enjoy your vacation,” O’Neill insists. “You’re done here, as far as I’m concerned. No more hoops, Sheppard.”
That afternoon, they join Jeannie at the hotel, and John gives more swimming lessons, teaching Madison and Timos the breaststroke, until they can both cross the length of the pool.
Jeannie and Rodney work on one of Rodney’s projects with a remarkable lack of acrimony.
And it’s good, better than John could have hoped for.
They grab dinner at the restaurant next door to the hotel, the kids and John still slightly damp, with Timos cheerful, the morning trauma forgotten.
“So, the zoo tomorrow,” Jeannie says. “And then I think Maddie and I will head home the next day. You guys seem to have things under control here.”
John smiles. “I guess we do.”
That night, after they’ve put Timos to bed and retreated to Rodney’s bedroom, John says, “Timos is probably going to have nightmares tonight.”
“Then we’ll keep this short,” Rodney replies, and strips John down with his clever hands. “But one of these days, we’re going to have to find a way to take our time.”
“Maybe when Teyla and Ronon come,” John replies. “Timos might be more comfortable with them.”
Rodney smiles. “The stories you told. I want to hear them someday,” and then he fists John’s cock.
John arches up into Rodney’s touch and fumbles Rodney’s pants open to return the favor. “How about now?”
“How about later?” Rodney counters.
They jack each other off without any other words being exchanged, and John relaxes into Rodney’s touch. They have three weeks left, three weeks to learn each other’s bodies, to enjoy a life free of Wraith, and free of emergencies.
They’ll deal with the rest of it when they get back to Atlantis, but John is grateful for what they have right now.
Rodney comes first over John’s fist, but he somehow manages to keep his own rhythm. John covers Rodney’s hand with his own, varying the pace to bring his orgasm on faster.
John fishes around for a t-shirt to clean them both off, and then they pull on boxers and clean t-shirts in case Timos comes in.
He falls asleep almost immediately, but is woken up by whimpers from the living room, and he disentangles himself from Rodney to go to Timos.
Shaking Timos awake, John isn’t surprised when Timos clings to him, unwilling to let go. “Come on,” John murmurs. “It’s okay.”
He carries Timos back to the bedroom and lays him in between him and Rodney. “You’re safe now,” John murmurs, holding Timos close. “You’re safe. We both are.”
Rodney murmurs and rolls over, throwing an arm across John’s waist, sandwiching Timos between them.
And John believes what he’s saying.
They’re safe.
Epilogue