If All Else Fails - Chapter 3
Chapter 3: Brave New World
“Oh, right, you want to know about our declaration of independence? Well, let me tell you, it sucked. Other people will lie and say what a great day it was when Atlantis became independent, but it wasn’t. It meant a hell of a lot more work, for one, and the absence of certain crucial supplies. Nobody ever talks about that. Sure, we did without a lot of things that first year, but that was because we were cut off. After we got the message from O’Neill, we knew we were done with Earth. We couldn’t even hope for help. That sucked. Don’t let anybody tell you differently.”
~Interview with Dr. Rodney McKay
Teyla folded her hands around the clay mug. She had recognized the artisan as soon as Halling had poured the tea. “This was made by Laro, was it not?”
“It was,” Halling agreed. “As always, you have an excellent eye, Teyla.” Halling glanced at John, whose fingers were wrapped tightly around his own mug, and were white with tension. “Not that it isn’t wonderful to see you both, but I sense you have a reason for coming other than to share a meal.”
Teyla waited for John to speak, but when he remained silent, Teyla began, “Things have changed on Atlantis, Halling. Earth has fallen.”
“Atlantis is now an independent colony,” John added after a pause, finally looking up to meet Halling’s eyes. “As you can imagine, that changes our position.”
Halling nodded slowly. “I see. Then you will need more supplies.”
When John didn’t reply immediately, Teyla said, “And guides. You mentioned at one point that several people had expressed an interest in such a role on Atlantis.”
“That hasn’t changed,” Halling confirmed. “I know of at least six who would volunteer immediately, and several more who might be willing to serve a term after their current obligations have been completed.”
Teyla nodded. “That was what I had hoped. Thank you, Halling.”
“Those on Atlantis have done much for our people,” Halling said, directing his comment at John. “We are happy to return the favor.”
“Thanks, Halling,” John said sincerely.
Halling raised his eyebrows. “I assume that you’ll need regular trade agreements.”
“That and allies,” John said. “We’ll need to cement our alliances with worlds we already have agreements with. I don’t think much is going to change, but we want to be sure everybody else knows that.”
Halling stared into the bottom of his mug. “May I ask-without supplies coming in from Earth, what do you have to trade?”
John glanced over at Teyla. “Mostly expertise. We’ve got botanists who can help with crop yields, scientists who can help with technology, doctors who can help with illnesses. Depends on what people need.”
Halling nodded. “May I make a suggestion?”
“Please do,” Teyla said.
“If we have more laborers during planting and harvest, and more hunters, we can take care of more of your needs. You wouldn’t have to rely on off-world allies as much, and you will have food and animal skins to trade.” Halling made the suggestion with uncharacteristic hesitancy, and Teyla knew that Halling feared that John and the Lanteans would believe such labor beneath them.
John smiled. “I think that can be arranged. It’s a great idea, Halling. I’ll be the first to volunteer.”
“A leader cannot ask others to go where he isn’t willing to go himself.” Halling nodded. “That is wise, Colonel.”
John shrugged off the praise. “There’s nothing wrong with a little manual labor.” He grinned suddenly. “Throw in a little of that ruus wine, and you’ll have Marines chomping at the bit for a chance to help you guys out.”
Halling chuckled. “I think you have yourself a bargain, Colonel.” He sobered and said, “Jinto will want to help.”
“Jinto?” John asked incredulously. “He’s just a kid.”
Teyla touched John’s arm. “Jinto is old enough to be accepted as an apprentice.”
“How old would you prefer the guides to be?” Halling asked carefully. “How old are your soldiers?”
“At least eighteen,” John said immediately. “Eighteen cycles.”
Halling breathed a sigh of relief. “A reasonable age.”
John raised his eyebrows. “You want to give Jinto a deadline.”
Halling smiled. “It’s easier to explain that the Lanteans have an unreasonable expectation that their guides are older than Jinto currently is.”
John chuckled. “You don’t have to worry about Jinto pushing you this way.”
Halling shrugged. “What can a father do?”
“Just so you know, I wouldn’t accept him as a guide unless he had your blessing,” John said. “He’s important to me, too, Halling.”
“I appreciate that,” Halling replied.
“Do you want me to talk to him?” John asked. “If you do-”
“No, but thank you.” Halling’s voice was sincere. “Jinto has become used to strange off-world customs, and this will give him something to look forward to.”
“Assuming he still wants to work for us once he’s of age,” John said wryly. “When I was his age, I changed my mind about twice a day.”
Halling chuckled. “It’s possible, but you’ve made quite the impression on him.”
“Send him to us when the time comes,” John said. “If he still has his heart set on it, we’ll make sure he has something worthwhile to do that’s relatively safe.”
Halling smiled broadly. “Thank you.”
“No, thank you,” Teyla said. “I know I speak for all Atlantis when I say that we will care for anyone who comes to Atlantis as though they were our own.”
Halling nodded. “You take care of your people, Colonel Sheppard; we know that. I think you will find that there are far more people than you might expect who are willing to join you in your fight.”
“Thank you,” John replied, inclining his head.
“That being said,” Halling continued, “all of those who have indicated a willingness to serve as guides are young, no more than thirty cycles, but older than eighteen. They do not have families who rely on them, and they are looking for adventure.”
John nodded. “They sound like my kind of people.”
~~~~~
Elizabeth hated waiting. She wished she could sit in on the meetings with John and Rodney, but those present would be more inclined to be honest if she wasn’t there. So, she would wait to find out how the rest of the expedition had handled the news.
The Athosians were on board, Elizabeth reminded herself. With a promise of help for planting and harvest, Atlantis had a steady stream of crops and meat. Not enough for the entire expedition-not comfortably, anyway-but it was a good start.
It was a great start, Elizabeth thought. It might even be enough, but she liked to hedge her bets.
Elizabeth took a sip of coffee, savoring it, and wondered if they’d be able to find anything remotely similar in the Pegasus galaxy. The last she’d heard, there had been a couple of possibilities, but the botanists hadn’t pursued them because the Daedalus had arrived, and it had no longer been necessary.
Elizabeth rubbed her eyes. Now that she had the reports from Carson, she would have to check with Rodney and Dr. Parrish about what the botany department could grow, and check with the chemists as to what they could synthesize. They would need a source of ammunition and explosives, and they would need more power, which meant more ZPMs.
And she would have to do something about the report on her desk that had been delivered the previous night. She was absurdly grateful that she’d received the file after it was a moot point.
Elizabeth heard the quiet whoosh of the door behind her, and she turned to see John entering. “Is this a bad time?” he asked.
Elizabeth shook her head. “No, please. Sit down. How did the meeting go?”
John’s calm expression revealed nothing. “About as well as could be expected. A few people asked why we weren’t gearing up to retake Earth, and I explained that there wasn’t any way we could right now.” He nodded towards the gate room. “Are we going to try to dial Earth? It might help settle things in people’s minds.”
Elizabeth had thought of that possibility. “I wasn’t sure it would be a wise move from a security standpoint.”
“They know where Atlantis is,” John replied. “The only way we’d have a hope of hiding is if we moved the city to a different planet.”
She sighed. “All right. When should we do it?”
“I’d suggest waiting another day or two,” John advised. “Let’s make sure that O’Neill has time to do whatever he needs to do. It’ll be easier that way. If we can’t actually get to Earth, nobody is going to argue about staying here.”
Elizabeth nodded, and then took a deep breath. “There’s something else.”
“There usually is,” John replied dryly.
Elizabeth almost smiled. “We need to talk about city governance.”
“I thought we were going to stick with the status quo.”
“We are,” Elizabeth confirmed. “But there are certain areas in which the status quo doesn’t serve us.” She pushed the tablet across her desk, the report on the first screen.
She studied John’s face for his reaction and watched him pale. She wondered what this conversation would have been like if Marshall Sumner had still been the military leader. John had been a relative unknown when they’d arrived in Atlantis, but she’d come to trust and respect him a great deal.
Any question she’d had as to John’s probable reaction was put to rest when he set the tablet gently down on the table. “This is…fuck. This is a career-ender.”
“It was a career-ender,” she corrected him gently. “John, I don’t care, and I’m certainly not going to send a report to Earth regarding the sexual proclivities of the people on Atlantis.”
John rubbed his eyes. “There’s probably a perfectly reasonable explanation.”
“I have no idea if the report was meant as a warning to be discreet, or if he intended to take it up with a higher authority if I didn’t send the report on,” Elizabeth replied.
John surged out of the chair and stalked over to the window overlooking the gate room. “Dammit, Elizabeth.”
“How many do you think there are?” she asked quietly.
John shook his head, not turning to look at her. “There’s a certain point where you get really good at not looking for evidence, you know? Oh, sure, there are some assholes who look for reasons, who will go off on witch-hunts, but for the most part, you get good at ignoring the evidence. For some of us, the ‘don’t ask’ part is primary.”
Elizabeth stayed quiet. She could hear the quiet passion in John’s voice, and she suspected he was speaking from experience.
“But to answer your question, Atlantis was a one-way mission for a lot of people. It’s possible there’s a higher than usual number here than there are on other bases.” John sat back down. “I happen to know that Captain Reeves has been spending a lot of time with Dr. Anson because Anson is on his team. They had a tough mission a couple of months ago. If Reeves has been providing any other support besides that of a friend, I wouldn’t ask.”
Elizabeth raised her eyebrows. “But…”
“But they haven’t been as discreet as they probably should have been,” John admitted. “Reeves is young, and Atlantis is a pressure cooker.” He sighed. “And it’s always easier to accuse someone other than your CO.”
Elizabeth took that information in, and then nodded slowly. “I see. Would there be a reason someone would have to make a report about you?”
John shook his head. “I’ve been in the service for a long time. Even if an allegation didn’t stick…” John shrugged. “I’ve already got one black mark. It wouldn’t take much.”
Elizabeth could read the tension behind John’s studied nonchalance. “So, once word spreads, and we try-and likely fail-to dial Earth, I think we should make it clear that such allegations aren’t going to bear fruit.”
John opened his mouth to reply, only to clam up when Rodney came barreling into the room. “Well, apparently my minions are marginally less moronic than I previously believed.” He stopped, and then looked from Elizabeth to John and back again. “Okay, what happened?”
Elizabeth glanced at John, who shrugged eloquently. Elizabeth responded by handing Rodney the tablet.
Rodney glanced at the report and rolled his eyes. “Oh, for… Are you kidding me? If Private whatsit has time to spend spying on his fellow soldiers, then I can find him a job.”
Elizabeth’s lips twitched. “And what would that be?”
“Oh, I’ll find something he can’t fuck up too badly,” Rodney said darkly. “Like cleaning out the sewage tanks. With a toothbrush.”
John snorted, and some of the tension left his shoulders. “I don’t think that’s going to be necessary, Rodney,” he drawled. “He sent the report to Elizabeth, not to me. It’s entirely possible that the kid just wanted to warn Reeves to be more careful without confronting him personally.”
Rodney slumped down in the other chair. “Why the hell do we even have to care about this?” he demanded a little petulantly. “We’re cut off from Earth. Archaic military rules don’t mean anything now. It’s not like we’re going to kick someone off the city just because they’re gay.”
“I happen to agree,” Elizabeth said smoothly. “Before we make any sweeping changes, however, I think it’s important that we at least try to dial Earth.”
“Day after tomorrow,” Rodney said, apparently ahead of her. “That gives O’Neill time to do what he said they were going to do. Besides, we can claim we’re hoarding energy.”
Elizabeth hid a smile. For all their differences, there were times when John and Rodney thought scarily alike.
John raised his eyebrows. “How did your meeting go, McKay?”
“Probably about the same way yours did,” Rodney replied peevishly. “Most of them are in shock, and a few wanted to know why we weren’t putting our considerable skills to work saving Earth. I, of course, pointed out that we’re going to have enough to do saving ourselves.”
Rodney’s sneer seemed rather shaky to Elizabeth, and she vaguely recalled that he had family back on Earth, although he wasn’t close to them. Everyone was used to Rodney loudly protesting about how important he was, usually right about the time he threw himself into harm’s way saving the entire city.
“Still, dialing Earth and failing will shut those people up,” Rodney continued.
Elizabeth nodded. “Okay, day after tomorrow, and then we announce whatever changes we’re going to make.” She took a deep breath. “Which brings me to my next point: we need to prioritize what we need to grow, make, or manufacture in the next months, and we need to do it now.”
John sat up slightly. “We need more energy weapons, like the Wraith, or even the Goa’uld have. We wouldn’t have to worry about ammo and explosives so much that way.”
“I agree. Rodney?”
“The chemists are already on the manufacture of C4,” Rodney replied. “It’s not that hard. And I had Carson send them the list of medications where supply is going to become a problem, mostly antibiotics.”
Elizabeth took a deep breath. “Good. That’s a good start. Let’s talk power supplies.”
~~~~~
“So, don’t tell me you had a problem with changing that stupid rule.”
Rodney had followed John back to his little-used office, and John figured it had probably been too much to hope for that Rodney wouldn’t bring up Corporal Barnes’ report. Barnes hadn’t been on Atlantis long enough for John to get a good read on why, exactly, Barnes would accuse a superior officer of having an illicit affair with a member of his team.
It could be like John had told Elizabeth-Barnes’ way of notifying Reeves he needed to be more discreet. It could be that he had something against Reeves, or that he wanted to get even for something. Maybe Barnes was just a homophobe who didn’t like the idea that a gay man was wearing the uniform.
John just didn’t know, which was one of the reasons he tended to keep his mouth shut when the issue of DADT came up.
He’d learned to recognize others like him by the way they responded to conversations about the subject. Those who had something to hide tended to go just a little tight around the eyes, or respond just a little too loudly, a little too brightly.
John, on the other hand, had stepped over a lot of lines in his time. He’d disobeyed a lot of orders, but only when lives were on the line. He didn’t expect to die from lack of getting laid any time soon.
Not that Rodney needed to know any of that.
“I don’t have a problem with it,” John finally said, standing by the small window. He wasn’t sure whether his delay in answering had driven home the point that he didn’t give a flying fuck what Rodney thought, or if it looked like he was prevaricating.
Right at this moment, John didn’t care one way or another.
“But you want to keep things the way they are,” Rodney said, with an expression of betrayal, as though John had disappointed him.
At this point, John knew what Rodney could be like when he’d sunk his teeth into an idea, and he recognized the signs. “Not really, but we’ve got enough to deal with right now. I was hoping it could wait.”
Rodney sneered. “So, Captain Reed-”
“Reeves,” John snapped.
“Fine, whatever. So, he and Anson just go on sneaking around, worrying about discovery and not doing their jobs. How is that good for morale? I thought you were smarter than that, Colonel.”
John rounded on Rodney, feeling his face heat with his anger. He usually kept a pretty tight rein on it; John knew just how dangerous he could be if he let go. “You know, if you could refrain from jumping to conclusions for five fucking minutes, that would be great, McKay.”
Rodney took a step back, his eyes widening. “Oh.”
“Yeah, oh.” John rubbed his eyes. “Forget it.”
Rodney was already shaking his head. “But why wouldn’t you want to change it?” He sounded so bewildered that John dropped into the chair behind the desk that he rarely used. In fact, John shared the office with Lorne, who was there a lot more than John was.
“Because it doesn’t matter for me,” John replied wearily. “I’m the military commander, and you don’t fuck with people under your command. I can’t fool around off-world, because that might screw up a trade agreement and then we’d all starve to death, or somebody would get killed.”
“But the women!” Rodney protested. “You’ve-you’re straight!”
“I like women, but I prefer men,” John said flatly. “My career survived disobeying orders; it wouldn’t survive the allegation that I’m gay. It wasn’t worth it. And for the record, Rodney? There have been two women in two years. That doesn’t exactly make me Casanova.”
Rodney stared at him for a moment, then asked, “So, you didn’t want to change the rules, because…?”
“Because we’re almost guaranteed to have some asshole decide that it’s his job to educate whoever comes out first,” John replied. “And I wanted to focus on not getting eaten by the Wraith, and having enough food, and all of those other things before I had to worry about any other serious upheavals. The fact that we’re cut off from Earth is going to put everyone on edge. This kind of thing has the potential for being explosive.”
Rodney nodded slowly. “Okay. That’s a fair point.”
“Good, great. Now, will you just forget this conversation ever happened and get the hell out of here?” John asked. “I’m supposed to be training with Teyla right about now, and then I need to meet with Lorne to figure out how best to deal with this mess.”
Rodney nodded, although his thoughtful expression made John nervous. “Yeah, okay. I just-I didn’t know.”
John sighed. “Rodney, it’s called ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ for a reason. It’s fine. Just forget it.”
Rodney left, and John put his head in his hands. He knew that the last few days had been hell on all of them, but he felt bone-tired and a little sick. No one-no one-knew about his sexual preferences. John had been hiding who he was since college, maybe since high school. He’d known he wanted to fly since he had been fifteen, and John had known what it would take to get there.
John tried to push that fear aside as he headed for the training session with Teyla.
She greeted him in the usual way, with her hands on his shoulders and her forehead pressed to his. “You look tired, John.”
“I haven’t been sleeping well,” John admitted. “Let’s do this.”
Teyla gave him a sharp look that immediately had him backpedaling. “Sorry,” he said. “I’m sorry. That was-it’s just been a crappy morning.”
“Then let’s get to work,” Teyla replied. “You always feel more centered after a sparring session.”
Since that was true enough, John picked up his bantos rods and prepared to get his ass kicked.
Fifteen minutes in, and John knew Teyla was going easy on him. John knew he was dropping his guard, and that if Teyla had pressed harder, she would have been able to hurt him a lot worse.
“You’re holding back.”
“I’m meeting you halfway,” Teyla corrected gently. “You’re not fully present.”
John just managed to dodge a blow. “There’s a thing. Corporal Barnes-you know him?”
“No, not really.”
John got a lucky blow in. “He filed a report with Elizabeth yesterday evening. He saw Captain Reeves coming out of Dr. Anson’s quarters late at night.”
Teyla frowned. “Don’t you often stay late with Rodney?”
“Yeah, but Barnes was accusing Reeves and Anson of being together. That kind of accusation could get someone kicked out of the military, if we weren’t cut off from Earth.”
“I see,” Teyla said carefully, striking quickly.
John felt the blow on his left flank and felt the air whoosh out of his lungs. He took a couple of quick steps backward and tried to catch his breath. “How do your people handle that sort of thing?”
He’d never asked before; John wasn’t sure he’d wanted to know until now.
Teyla shrugged fluidly. “The Athosians form family groups. We are encouraged to have children as we are able, but we have no prejudice against those who prefer someone of the same gender.”
John managed to block her next few strikes, and then she smacked him in the right thigh.
“Why do you ask, John?” Teyla asked as he shrugged off the pain.
He sighed. “I sort of told Rodney about my preferences.”
John had never told Teyla-and if he were completely honest, Teyla was one of the few women to whom he’d been seriously attracted-but he suspected that she knew anyway.
“I see.” Teyla circled him slowly. “And this upsets you? Leaves you off-balance?”
“Nobody else knows,” John replied.
“Except for Rodney, and now me.”
“Something like that.”
Teyla moved swiftly and laid John out on the mat. “We are family, John,” Teyla replied, helping him to his feet. “There is nothing you could say or do that would cause us to think less of you, or turn our backs on you.” John allowed Teyla to pull him in close, and she whispered, “But I understand the desire to hide.”
John shuddered under her knowing hands and breathed in deep, smelling Teyla’s faintly spicy scent under her sweat. “I have to talk to Lorne,” he murmured.
“Go.”
John wasn’t looking forward to the discussion with his second-in-command, but it had to be done. They had to figure out how they were supposed to tell the rest of the military personnel on Atlantis that the rules had changed.
And he had to figure out what, if anything else, to say.
~~~~~
Evan had heard the grim note in Sheppard’s voice when he called to ask for a meeting in their shared office. They were rarely there at the same time, and after the all-hands meeting that morning, Evan had been under the impression that they were going to at least attempt to keep things as normal as possible.
He didn’t bother saluting; Sheppard had made it clear during the first week that unless Evan was delivering an official report or conducting formal business, it wasn’t necessary. Actually, Sheppard didn’t seem to care about the formalities even then.
Sheppard immediately waved him into the spare seat. “We’ve got a problem, Major.”
Evan raised his eyebrows. “Sir?”
“Corporal Barnes sent Dr. Weir a report yesterday evening, informing her that he’d seen Captain Reeves coming out of Dr. Anson’s quarters very late at night-or very early in the morning, depending on your point of view.”
Evan winced. “How many times?”
“At least twice in the last month,” Sheppard replied. “Elizabeth pointed out that it was a moot point, but that we may want to make note of that after we try-and probably fail-to dial Earth.”
Evan blinked as he took in that news. He probably should have expected that to be the response, but the reality took him aback. “We’re abolishing DADT.”
“As an independent colony, I suppose we can,” Sheppard replied. “Although if circumstances change…” He shrugged. “Right now, however, I’m more concerned with minimizing fallout. What do you know about Barnes?”
Evan had to think about it. “He was one of the replacements from the last Daedalus run.” He winced reflexively, knowing how accurate those words were. “As far as I know, he’s a good kid. He’s a Marine, and he’s young, so he’s a little gung-ho, but I haven’t heard any complaints.”
Sheppard sighed. “That’s what I thought. We’ll need to handle this carefully.”
Evan hesitated before pointing out, “You know, if one of the top-ranking officers were to come out first, it might smooth the way.”
He kept his expression perfectly impassive at Sheppard’s knowing look. “Major, I’m not going to ask you to do anything I wouldn’t be willing to do myself.”
Sheppard held Evan’s gaze, his mouth twisting in a sardonic smile, and Evan felt a little of the tension bleed out. “Yes, sir.”
“Speaking of, we’re going to need to set up a rotation to help the Athosians with planting, harvest and hunting.” Sheppard switched subjects with ease. “Nobody gets out of going unless they’re on medical leave.”
Evan nodded. “You got it. What about gate teams?”
“We’ll rotate off-world missions, too.”
After a couple of hours of work, Evan and Sheppard had worked out a rotation for off-world missions and groups to send to the mainland to help the Athosians. Although Evan hadn’t known quite what to expect from Sheppard before coming to Atlantis, they worked well together. None of his other commanding officers had Sheppard’s wry sense of humor or laidback attitude, but once Evan had gotten used to him, he’d found they complemented each other well.
And if there was one thing Evan could respect, it was that Sheppard took care of his people.
“One more thing we need to settle, Major,” Sheppard said once they’d finalized the schedule and sent a copy to Dr. Weir for her approval. “Until now, the understanding was always that you’d fill my shoes if something happened to me.”
Evan straightened in his seat. “Is that no longer the case, sir?”
“Relax, Lorne,” Sheppard drawled. “You’re still my first choice, but without any reinforcements from Earth, we need a detailed chain of command.”
Evan took a deep breath. “You’re talking about worst case scenarios. If something happens to both of us, who will take over from there.”
“Exactly.” Sheppard’s intense expression was a far cry from his usual laconic self. “And time in service doesn’t mean shit. There are certain people I wouldn’t want in charge of Atlantis.”
“I think I know who you mean,” Evan agreed.
By the time Evan left Sheppard’s office, the mess had stopped serving dinner, and none of the available sandwiches looked appealing.
“Problem, Major?”
Evan glanced over at Zelenka. “My meeting went late, and it looks like I’m out of luck for dinner tonight.”
Zelenka smiled. “Ah, that’s why it helps to have connections. This way.”
Evan followed Zelenka back to the kitchen. One of the cooks, Dawson, waved at Zelenka cheerfully. “Hey, Dr. Z. Did you not get dinner?”
“Major Lorne was working late with the colonel,” Zelenka replied. “I thought you might have leftovers.”
Dawson hesitated, and then said, “Of course, Major. Let me get you a plate. Just-don’t eat it out there, okay? I’ll have everybody back here wanting me to bend the rules for them.”
“Of course, Corporal Dawson. I’ll eat it at the counter over there if that’s all right,” Lorne said, gesturing.
Evan was soon digging into a hot meal. Dawson finished her cleaning and ducked out of the kitchen, leaving Evan alone with Dr. Zelenka. The silence that fell probably should have been awkward but wasn’t. In truth, Evan was grateful for the company; he didn’t particularly want to be alone with his own thoughts tonight.
“Thanks for this,” Evan said when he realized that he hadn’t expressed his gratitude.
Zelenka shrugged, showing no sign of leaving. “It is not a problem. If you don’t mind me keeping you company, I think I would like to avoid going back to the labs.”
“Dr. McKay on the warpath?” Evan asked after he’d finished his bite of what could almost be called chicken.
Zelenka rolled his eyes. “Ano. He gets this way sometimes, usually when he’s angry with Colonel Sheppard. You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?”
Evan shook his head. “There are a few big things going on, but nothing that would affect McKay, at least that I know of.”
Zelenka shrugged philosophically. “Then who knows? But we have made ourselves scarce, so there are fewer targets for his anger. It is better if there are no targets.” He paused. “And I do not think we will have many evenings free in the future.”
Evan made a noise of agreement as he chased a bit of butter sauce around his plate with a carrot. “No, probably not.”
“We will try to dial Earth soon.”
Zelenka’s tone made it a statement of fact, not a question, and Lorne nodded. “Yeah.”
“You do not think we will be successful.”
“I know General O’Neill, at least a little,” Evan replied carefully. “If he thought there was even the slightest chance he could avoid sending that message, he would have. The fact that he’s given up tells me we probably won’t be able to dial Earth.”
“This is my thought as well.”
Evan pushed his plate away. “Do you have family on Earth?” he asked, a little abashed that he didn’t already know.
“I have a brother and a sister,” Zelenka said. “And my sister’s son, who is a menace.”
“Aren’t most kids?” Evan asked.
Zelenka huffed his agreement. “Yes. And you?”
“Parents, a sister, her husband, their two kids-plus extended family.” Evan swallowed, thinking of all of them. Mostly, he worried about what the government would tell them about what had happened to him. Would he be classified as MIA? As a POW? Or would the government tell them he’d been killed in a training accident-the typical explanation given for SGC personnel killed off-world.
“May I ask why you came to Atlantis?” Zelenka asked gently.
Evan thought about it for a moment. “Because this opportunity was too good to pass up, and because I thought I could make a difference. You?”
“Because I was promised spaceships,” Zelenka replied with a smile. “And because there was nothing truly holding me to Earth.”
Evan chuckled. “I think the spaceships got all of us.” He took a breath. “I hear you’re a champion chess player.”
“Do you wish to play?” Zelenka asked with interest. “I wasn’t aware you were interested in chess.”
“I haven’t played before, but I wouldn’t mind learning,” Evan replied. “I had a few things on order for the next Daedalus run, but since that’s not going to happen…”
“What did you have on order?” Zelenka asked with every indication of real interest.
“Oil pants, mostly,” Evan admitted. “And a few canvases. I’ve got a sketchpad here, and some charcoals and watercolors, but I like the depth of oil.”
Zelenka’s eyes widened. “You paint?”
“I don’t know how well, but my mom taught me. It was something we did together.”
“Perhaps you’ll show me some of your work some time.”
Evan was still a little surprised that he’d admitted his hobby. He wasn’t ashamed of his paintings, but it was one of those things he didn’t tell just anybody about. He’d been butt of too many jokes in the past.
“Yeah, sure,” Evan replied. He’d been on Atlantis long enough that he didn’t have to worry about it.
No, he was going to be on Atlantis for the foreseeable future. Evan probably should get used to telling people that he liked to paint on his off-hours, that he preferred men to women, and that he couldn’t stand ketchup.
He couldn’t quite decide whether there was every reason to hide, or no reason at all.
“I will enjoy having a student,” Zelenka replied. “If you have nothing else this evening, we can begin now.”
Evan nodded. “Yeah. I’d like that.”
~~~~~
Elizabeth watched as Chuck programmed the final symbol for Earth, and she let out a breath when the wormhole failed to initialize.
At least we know what we’re dealing with, she thought.
Chuck looked over his shoulder at her and shook his head, his throat working. “I’m sorry, Dr. Weir.”
“Thank you, Chuck,” she murmured and turned to look at Rodney and John, who were standing behind her. The gate room had become a little crowded over the last hour. Somehow, the entire city had heard the news that they were trying to dial Earth, and those who had gathered were probably drifting off to tell everyone else they knew that it hadn’t worked.
In a couple of hours, the entire city would know that they were, indeed, cut off.
Rodney fidgeted. “So, we go ahead on our plans?”
Elizabeth nodded. “We do. John, we’re going to start with the rotation you sent me as soon as possible.”
John had his hands tucked in his armpits, his whole body taut. “We start tomorrow morning. Do you want me to make the announcement this afternoon?”
“I’ll send out an email,” Elizabeth replied. “Is there anything else I need to say?”
“Just what we talked about.” John rocked back on his heels. “I should get going. I have a couple of things that need my attention.”
Elizabeth had no idea what John needed to do, but she wasn’t willing to ask. She sensed that the citywide repeal of DADT was hitting a nerve with him. “Go ahead,” she said. “As per the schedule, Lorne’s team is up first.”
“I’ll let him know,” he promised, and then turned on his heel to leave the command tower.
Elizabeth wasn’t entirely surprised when Rodney followed her into her office. “What can I do for you, Rodney?”
“What happens if we reestablish contact with Earth?” Rodney asked as soon as the door slid closed behind him.
She frowned. “I’m not sure I know what you mean.”
“If you get rid of DADT now, you have to know that the soldiers who come out are going to face consequences if we ever reestablish contact,” Rodney pointed out with ruthless logic.
Elizabeth sighed. “Then you probably ought to read the documents General O’Neill gave me.”
She unlocked the bottom drawer of her desk and handed Rodney the thick packet she’d been given by O’Neill the last time she’d been on Earth.
“This can’t be legal,” Rodney protested.
Elizabeth smiled. “How long do you think it will take to prove that in a court of law?”
“You can’t prove…” Rodney trailed off. “They won’t take it to court.”
“No, probably not,” Elizabeth replied. “And I doubt the IOA will try to retake Atlantis by force.”
“These papers state that if Atlantis is ever forced to declare independence from Earth, it will thereafter remain independent,” Rodney said. “How the hell did O’Neill manage this?”
“He got them to agree to it because they never believed it would happen,” Elizabeth replied. “General O’Neill made a few threats, and they decided it would be easier to pacify him than argue.”
Rodney sat down heavily. “The language is very specific.”
“If we are abandoned or forced to declare independence, we get to keep it. O’Neill’s message made our independence certain,” Elizabeth agreed. “If anyone arrives to say differently, we would be within our rights to fight back.”
“So, these decisions we make regarding DADT, and any other personnel decisions…”
“Are permanent,” Elizabeth agreed.
Rodney nodded. “Good. I’m glad to know that.”
He stalked out of her office without any further explanation, and Elizabeth decided she really didn’t want to know.
She had a hundred different things to do, a thousand decisions to make. Elizabeth was responsible for the fate of the whole city; she hadn’t been ready for that sort of accountability.
She heard a knock on the door and glanced up to see Kate Heightmeyer standing in the doorway. “Dr. Heightmeyer. Can I help you?”
“I was actually wondering if I could help you,” Kate responded. “How are you?”
Elizabeth managed a smile. “I’m fine.”
Kate raised an eyebrow and sat down in the chair across from Elizabeth’s desk. “Really?”
“Really,” Elizabeth said firmly.
Kate maintained her seat, keeping her eyes on Elizabeth.
Elizabeth sighed. “Have you ever found yourself with more responsibility than you ever thought yourself capable of shouldering? That’s my position at the moment.”
“I want you to know that I’m available,” Kate said quietly. “As far as I’m concerned, the same rules of confidentiality apply.”
Elizabeth rubbed her eyes. “Of course. I promise, I’ll come see you if necessary.”
“There’s no pressure, Dr. Weir,” Kate replied. “I just wanted you to know that the option was open.”
Elizabeth nodded, but she was grateful when Kate took the hint and left. She needed time to process, time to determine what Atlantis needed, and what her own needs were. Until her most recent trip to Earth, Elizabeth had always viewed Atlantis as a stepping-stone. Once she was done here, she would go back to Earth, get married, maybe even have a child. She had never planned on giving up her career, but she’d thought it possible to have both.
And then Simon had ended their relationship, and Elizabeth had been left with Atlantis. It wasn’t a bad bargain in the end, but she had never foreseen being in charge of it all, even after General O’Neill had filled her in on Operation Phoenix.
Earth was never supposed to need an escape hatch. Elizabeth had always relied on the knowledge that there was someone who could take over for her if she failed.
The whole city was operating without a safety net now, she thought. She was ultimately responsible for anything and everything that happened.
It was exhilarating and frightening all at once, and Elizabeth had no idea how she was supposed to feel about all of that.
“Sorry.”
She started, finally recognizing that Ronon stood in the doorway to her office. “Ronon. Hello.”
“You okay?” he asked.
Elizabeth nodded “”Yes, thank you. I’m fine. Is there something I can do for you?”
“I had some ideas about finding ZPMs,” Ronon replied. “Sheppard was busy.”
Elizabeth forced a smile. “Of course. Come in.”
He plopped himself in the chair across from Elizabeth’s desk. “You’ll be okay,” Ronon said without preamble. “You’ve got everything it takes.”
Elizabeth wasn’t sure she wanted to know what “everything it takes” meant. “Thank you,” she said instead, and meant it. “I would appreciate any information you have.”
Chapter 4
“Oh, right, you want to know about our declaration of independence? Well, let me tell you, it sucked. Other people will lie and say what a great day it was when Atlantis became independent, but it wasn’t. It meant a hell of a lot more work, for one, and the absence of certain crucial supplies. Nobody ever talks about that. Sure, we did without a lot of things that first year, but that was because we were cut off. After we got the message from O’Neill, we knew we were done with Earth. We couldn’t even hope for help. That sucked. Don’t let anybody tell you differently.”
~Interview with Dr. Rodney McKay
Teyla folded her hands around the clay mug. She had recognized the artisan as soon as Halling had poured the tea. “This was made by Laro, was it not?”
“It was,” Halling agreed. “As always, you have an excellent eye, Teyla.” Halling glanced at John, whose fingers were wrapped tightly around his own mug, and were white with tension. “Not that it isn’t wonderful to see you both, but I sense you have a reason for coming other than to share a meal.”
Teyla waited for John to speak, but when he remained silent, Teyla began, “Things have changed on Atlantis, Halling. Earth has fallen.”
“Atlantis is now an independent colony,” John added after a pause, finally looking up to meet Halling’s eyes. “As you can imagine, that changes our position.”
Halling nodded slowly. “I see. Then you will need more supplies.”
When John didn’t reply immediately, Teyla said, “And guides. You mentioned at one point that several people had expressed an interest in such a role on Atlantis.”
“That hasn’t changed,” Halling confirmed. “I know of at least six who would volunteer immediately, and several more who might be willing to serve a term after their current obligations have been completed.”
Teyla nodded. “That was what I had hoped. Thank you, Halling.”
“Those on Atlantis have done much for our people,” Halling said, directing his comment at John. “We are happy to return the favor.”
“Thanks, Halling,” John said sincerely.
Halling raised his eyebrows. “I assume that you’ll need regular trade agreements.”
“That and allies,” John said. “We’ll need to cement our alliances with worlds we already have agreements with. I don’t think much is going to change, but we want to be sure everybody else knows that.”
Halling stared into the bottom of his mug. “May I ask-without supplies coming in from Earth, what do you have to trade?”
John glanced over at Teyla. “Mostly expertise. We’ve got botanists who can help with crop yields, scientists who can help with technology, doctors who can help with illnesses. Depends on what people need.”
Halling nodded. “May I make a suggestion?”
“Please do,” Teyla said.
“If we have more laborers during planting and harvest, and more hunters, we can take care of more of your needs. You wouldn’t have to rely on off-world allies as much, and you will have food and animal skins to trade.” Halling made the suggestion with uncharacteristic hesitancy, and Teyla knew that Halling feared that John and the Lanteans would believe such labor beneath them.
John smiled. “I think that can be arranged. It’s a great idea, Halling. I’ll be the first to volunteer.”
“A leader cannot ask others to go where he isn’t willing to go himself.” Halling nodded. “That is wise, Colonel.”
John shrugged off the praise. “There’s nothing wrong with a little manual labor.” He grinned suddenly. “Throw in a little of that ruus wine, and you’ll have Marines chomping at the bit for a chance to help you guys out.”
Halling chuckled. “I think you have yourself a bargain, Colonel.” He sobered and said, “Jinto will want to help.”
“Jinto?” John asked incredulously. “He’s just a kid.”
Teyla touched John’s arm. “Jinto is old enough to be accepted as an apprentice.”
“How old would you prefer the guides to be?” Halling asked carefully. “How old are your soldiers?”
“At least eighteen,” John said immediately. “Eighteen cycles.”
Halling breathed a sigh of relief. “A reasonable age.”
John raised his eyebrows. “You want to give Jinto a deadline.”
Halling smiled. “It’s easier to explain that the Lanteans have an unreasonable expectation that their guides are older than Jinto currently is.”
John chuckled. “You don’t have to worry about Jinto pushing you this way.”
Halling shrugged. “What can a father do?”
“Just so you know, I wouldn’t accept him as a guide unless he had your blessing,” John said. “He’s important to me, too, Halling.”
“I appreciate that,” Halling replied.
“Do you want me to talk to him?” John asked. “If you do-”
“No, but thank you.” Halling’s voice was sincere. “Jinto has become used to strange off-world customs, and this will give him something to look forward to.”
“Assuming he still wants to work for us once he’s of age,” John said wryly. “When I was his age, I changed my mind about twice a day.”
Halling chuckled. “It’s possible, but you’ve made quite the impression on him.”
“Send him to us when the time comes,” John said. “If he still has his heart set on it, we’ll make sure he has something worthwhile to do that’s relatively safe.”
Halling smiled broadly. “Thank you.”
“No, thank you,” Teyla said. “I know I speak for all Atlantis when I say that we will care for anyone who comes to Atlantis as though they were our own.”
Halling nodded. “You take care of your people, Colonel Sheppard; we know that. I think you will find that there are far more people than you might expect who are willing to join you in your fight.”
“Thank you,” John replied, inclining his head.
“That being said,” Halling continued, “all of those who have indicated a willingness to serve as guides are young, no more than thirty cycles, but older than eighteen. They do not have families who rely on them, and they are looking for adventure.”
John nodded. “They sound like my kind of people.”
~~~~~
Elizabeth hated waiting. She wished she could sit in on the meetings with John and Rodney, but those present would be more inclined to be honest if she wasn’t there. So, she would wait to find out how the rest of the expedition had handled the news.
The Athosians were on board, Elizabeth reminded herself. With a promise of help for planting and harvest, Atlantis had a steady stream of crops and meat. Not enough for the entire expedition-not comfortably, anyway-but it was a good start.
It was a great start, Elizabeth thought. It might even be enough, but she liked to hedge her bets.
Elizabeth took a sip of coffee, savoring it, and wondered if they’d be able to find anything remotely similar in the Pegasus galaxy. The last she’d heard, there had been a couple of possibilities, but the botanists hadn’t pursued them because the Daedalus had arrived, and it had no longer been necessary.
Elizabeth rubbed her eyes. Now that she had the reports from Carson, she would have to check with Rodney and Dr. Parrish about what the botany department could grow, and check with the chemists as to what they could synthesize. They would need a source of ammunition and explosives, and they would need more power, which meant more ZPMs.
And she would have to do something about the report on her desk that had been delivered the previous night. She was absurdly grateful that she’d received the file after it was a moot point.
Elizabeth heard the quiet whoosh of the door behind her, and she turned to see John entering. “Is this a bad time?” he asked.
Elizabeth shook her head. “No, please. Sit down. How did the meeting go?”
John’s calm expression revealed nothing. “About as well as could be expected. A few people asked why we weren’t gearing up to retake Earth, and I explained that there wasn’t any way we could right now.” He nodded towards the gate room. “Are we going to try to dial Earth? It might help settle things in people’s minds.”
Elizabeth had thought of that possibility. “I wasn’t sure it would be a wise move from a security standpoint.”
“They know where Atlantis is,” John replied. “The only way we’d have a hope of hiding is if we moved the city to a different planet.”
She sighed. “All right. When should we do it?”
“I’d suggest waiting another day or two,” John advised. “Let’s make sure that O’Neill has time to do whatever he needs to do. It’ll be easier that way. If we can’t actually get to Earth, nobody is going to argue about staying here.”
Elizabeth nodded, and then took a deep breath. “There’s something else.”
“There usually is,” John replied dryly.
Elizabeth almost smiled. “We need to talk about city governance.”
“I thought we were going to stick with the status quo.”
“We are,” Elizabeth confirmed. “But there are certain areas in which the status quo doesn’t serve us.” She pushed the tablet across her desk, the report on the first screen.
She studied John’s face for his reaction and watched him pale. She wondered what this conversation would have been like if Marshall Sumner had still been the military leader. John had been a relative unknown when they’d arrived in Atlantis, but she’d come to trust and respect him a great deal.
Any question she’d had as to John’s probable reaction was put to rest when he set the tablet gently down on the table. “This is…fuck. This is a career-ender.”
“It was a career-ender,” she corrected him gently. “John, I don’t care, and I’m certainly not going to send a report to Earth regarding the sexual proclivities of the people on Atlantis.”
John rubbed his eyes. “There’s probably a perfectly reasonable explanation.”
“I have no idea if the report was meant as a warning to be discreet, or if he intended to take it up with a higher authority if I didn’t send the report on,” Elizabeth replied.
John surged out of the chair and stalked over to the window overlooking the gate room. “Dammit, Elizabeth.”
“How many do you think there are?” she asked quietly.
John shook his head, not turning to look at her. “There’s a certain point where you get really good at not looking for evidence, you know? Oh, sure, there are some assholes who look for reasons, who will go off on witch-hunts, but for the most part, you get good at ignoring the evidence. For some of us, the ‘don’t ask’ part is primary.”
Elizabeth stayed quiet. She could hear the quiet passion in John’s voice, and she suspected he was speaking from experience.
“But to answer your question, Atlantis was a one-way mission for a lot of people. It’s possible there’s a higher than usual number here than there are on other bases.” John sat back down. “I happen to know that Captain Reeves has been spending a lot of time with Dr. Anson because Anson is on his team. They had a tough mission a couple of months ago. If Reeves has been providing any other support besides that of a friend, I wouldn’t ask.”
Elizabeth raised her eyebrows. “But…”
“But they haven’t been as discreet as they probably should have been,” John admitted. “Reeves is young, and Atlantis is a pressure cooker.” He sighed. “And it’s always easier to accuse someone other than your CO.”
Elizabeth took that information in, and then nodded slowly. “I see. Would there be a reason someone would have to make a report about you?”
John shook his head. “I’ve been in the service for a long time. Even if an allegation didn’t stick…” John shrugged. “I’ve already got one black mark. It wouldn’t take much.”
Elizabeth could read the tension behind John’s studied nonchalance. “So, once word spreads, and we try-and likely fail-to dial Earth, I think we should make it clear that such allegations aren’t going to bear fruit.”
John opened his mouth to reply, only to clam up when Rodney came barreling into the room. “Well, apparently my minions are marginally less moronic than I previously believed.” He stopped, and then looked from Elizabeth to John and back again. “Okay, what happened?”
Elizabeth glanced at John, who shrugged eloquently. Elizabeth responded by handing Rodney the tablet.
Rodney glanced at the report and rolled his eyes. “Oh, for… Are you kidding me? If Private whatsit has time to spend spying on his fellow soldiers, then I can find him a job.”
Elizabeth’s lips twitched. “And what would that be?”
“Oh, I’ll find something he can’t fuck up too badly,” Rodney said darkly. “Like cleaning out the sewage tanks. With a toothbrush.”
John snorted, and some of the tension left his shoulders. “I don’t think that’s going to be necessary, Rodney,” he drawled. “He sent the report to Elizabeth, not to me. It’s entirely possible that the kid just wanted to warn Reeves to be more careful without confronting him personally.”
Rodney slumped down in the other chair. “Why the hell do we even have to care about this?” he demanded a little petulantly. “We’re cut off from Earth. Archaic military rules don’t mean anything now. It’s not like we’re going to kick someone off the city just because they’re gay.”
“I happen to agree,” Elizabeth said smoothly. “Before we make any sweeping changes, however, I think it’s important that we at least try to dial Earth.”
“Day after tomorrow,” Rodney said, apparently ahead of her. “That gives O’Neill time to do what he said they were going to do. Besides, we can claim we’re hoarding energy.”
Elizabeth hid a smile. For all their differences, there were times when John and Rodney thought scarily alike.
John raised his eyebrows. “How did your meeting go, McKay?”
“Probably about the same way yours did,” Rodney replied peevishly. “Most of them are in shock, and a few wanted to know why we weren’t putting our considerable skills to work saving Earth. I, of course, pointed out that we’re going to have enough to do saving ourselves.”
Rodney’s sneer seemed rather shaky to Elizabeth, and she vaguely recalled that he had family back on Earth, although he wasn’t close to them. Everyone was used to Rodney loudly protesting about how important he was, usually right about the time he threw himself into harm’s way saving the entire city.
“Still, dialing Earth and failing will shut those people up,” Rodney continued.
Elizabeth nodded. “Okay, day after tomorrow, and then we announce whatever changes we’re going to make.” She took a deep breath. “Which brings me to my next point: we need to prioritize what we need to grow, make, or manufacture in the next months, and we need to do it now.”
John sat up slightly. “We need more energy weapons, like the Wraith, or even the Goa’uld have. We wouldn’t have to worry about ammo and explosives so much that way.”
“I agree. Rodney?”
“The chemists are already on the manufacture of C4,” Rodney replied. “It’s not that hard. And I had Carson send them the list of medications where supply is going to become a problem, mostly antibiotics.”
Elizabeth took a deep breath. “Good. That’s a good start. Let’s talk power supplies.”
~~~~~
“So, don’t tell me you had a problem with changing that stupid rule.”
Rodney had followed John back to his little-used office, and John figured it had probably been too much to hope for that Rodney wouldn’t bring up Corporal Barnes’ report. Barnes hadn’t been on Atlantis long enough for John to get a good read on why, exactly, Barnes would accuse a superior officer of having an illicit affair with a member of his team.
It could be like John had told Elizabeth-Barnes’ way of notifying Reeves he needed to be more discreet. It could be that he had something against Reeves, or that he wanted to get even for something. Maybe Barnes was just a homophobe who didn’t like the idea that a gay man was wearing the uniform.
John just didn’t know, which was one of the reasons he tended to keep his mouth shut when the issue of DADT came up.
He’d learned to recognize others like him by the way they responded to conversations about the subject. Those who had something to hide tended to go just a little tight around the eyes, or respond just a little too loudly, a little too brightly.
John, on the other hand, had stepped over a lot of lines in his time. He’d disobeyed a lot of orders, but only when lives were on the line. He didn’t expect to die from lack of getting laid any time soon.
Not that Rodney needed to know any of that.
“I don’t have a problem with it,” John finally said, standing by the small window. He wasn’t sure whether his delay in answering had driven home the point that he didn’t give a flying fuck what Rodney thought, or if it looked like he was prevaricating.
Right at this moment, John didn’t care one way or another.
“But you want to keep things the way they are,” Rodney said, with an expression of betrayal, as though John had disappointed him.
At this point, John knew what Rodney could be like when he’d sunk his teeth into an idea, and he recognized the signs. “Not really, but we’ve got enough to deal with right now. I was hoping it could wait.”
Rodney sneered. “So, Captain Reed-”
“Reeves,” John snapped.
“Fine, whatever. So, he and Anson just go on sneaking around, worrying about discovery and not doing their jobs. How is that good for morale? I thought you were smarter than that, Colonel.”
John rounded on Rodney, feeling his face heat with his anger. He usually kept a pretty tight rein on it; John knew just how dangerous he could be if he let go. “You know, if you could refrain from jumping to conclusions for five fucking minutes, that would be great, McKay.”
Rodney took a step back, his eyes widening. “Oh.”
“Yeah, oh.” John rubbed his eyes. “Forget it.”
Rodney was already shaking his head. “But why wouldn’t you want to change it?” He sounded so bewildered that John dropped into the chair behind the desk that he rarely used. In fact, John shared the office with Lorne, who was there a lot more than John was.
“Because it doesn’t matter for me,” John replied wearily. “I’m the military commander, and you don’t fuck with people under your command. I can’t fool around off-world, because that might screw up a trade agreement and then we’d all starve to death, or somebody would get killed.”
“But the women!” Rodney protested. “You’ve-you’re straight!”
“I like women, but I prefer men,” John said flatly. “My career survived disobeying orders; it wouldn’t survive the allegation that I’m gay. It wasn’t worth it. And for the record, Rodney? There have been two women in two years. That doesn’t exactly make me Casanova.”
Rodney stared at him for a moment, then asked, “So, you didn’t want to change the rules, because…?”
“Because we’re almost guaranteed to have some asshole decide that it’s his job to educate whoever comes out first,” John replied. “And I wanted to focus on not getting eaten by the Wraith, and having enough food, and all of those other things before I had to worry about any other serious upheavals. The fact that we’re cut off from Earth is going to put everyone on edge. This kind of thing has the potential for being explosive.”
Rodney nodded slowly. “Okay. That’s a fair point.”
“Good, great. Now, will you just forget this conversation ever happened and get the hell out of here?” John asked. “I’m supposed to be training with Teyla right about now, and then I need to meet with Lorne to figure out how best to deal with this mess.”
Rodney nodded, although his thoughtful expression made John nervous. “Yeah, okay. I just-I didn’t know.”
John sighed. “Rodney, it’s called ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ for a reason. It’s fine. Just forget it.”
Rodney left, and John put his head in his hands. He knew that the last few days had been hell on all of them, but he felt bone-tired and a little sick. No one-no one-knew about his sexual preferences. John had been hiding who he was since college, maybe since high school. He’d known he wanted to fly since he had been fifteen, and John had known what it would take to get there.
John tried to push that fear aside as he headed for the training session with Teyla.
She greeted him in the usual way, with her hands on his shoulders and her forehead pressed to his. “You look tired, John.”
“I haven’t been sleeping well,” John admitted. “Let’s do this.”
Teyla gave him a sharp look that immediately had him backpedaling. “Sorry,” he said. “I’m sorry. That was-it’s just been a crappy morning.”
“Then let’s get to work,” Teyla replied. “You always feel more centered after a sparring session.”
Since that was true enough, John picked up his bantos rods and prepared to get his ass kicked.
Fifteen minutes in, and John knew Teyla was going easy on him. John knew he was dropping his guard, and that if Teyla had pressed harder, she would have been able to hurt him a lot worse.
“You’re holding back.”
“I’m meeting you halfway,” Teyla corrected gently. “You’re not fully present.”
John just managed to dodge a blow. “There’s a thing. Corporal Barnes-you know him?”
“No, not really.”
John got a lucky blow in. “He filed a report with Elizabeth yesterday evening. He saw Captain Reeves coming out of Dr. Anson’s quarters late at night.”
Teyla frowned. “Don’t you often stay late with Rodney?”
“Yeah, but Barnes was accusing Reeves and Anson of being together. That kind of accusation could get someone kicked out of the military, if we weren’t cut off from Earth.”
“I see,” Teyla said carefully, striking quickly.
John felt the blow on his left flank and felt the air whoosh out of his lungs. He took a couple of quick steps backward and tried to catch his breath. “How do your people handle that sort of thing?”
He’d never asked before; John wasn’t sure he’d wanted to know until now.
Teyla shrugged fluidly. “The Athosians form family groups. We are encouraged to have children as we are able, but we have no prejudice against those who prefer someone of the same gender.”
John managed to block her next few strikes, and then she smacked him in the right thigh.
“Why do you ask, John?” Teyla asked as he shrugged off the pain.
He sighed. “I sort of told Rodney about my preferences.”
John had never told Teyla-and if he were completely honest, Teyla was one of the few women to whom he’d been seriously attracted-but he suspected that she knew anyway.
“I see.” Teyla circled him slowly. “And this upsets you? Leaves you off-balance?”
“Nobody else knows,” John replied.
“Except for Rodney, and now me.”
“Something like that.”
Teyla moved swiftly and laid John out on the mat. “We are family, John,” Teyla replied, helping him to his feet. “There is nothing you could say or do that would cause us to think less of you, or turn our backs on you.” John allowed Teyla to pull him in close, and she whispered, “But I understand the desire to hide.”
John shuddered under her knowing hands and breathed in deep, smelling Teyla’s faintly spicy scent under her sweat. “I have to talk to Lorne,” he murmured.
“Go.”
John wasn’t looking forward to the discussion with his second-in-command, but it had to be done. They had to figure out how they were supposed to tell the rest of the military personnel on Atlantis that the rules had changed.
And he had to figure out what, if anything else, to say.
~~~~~
Evan had heard the grim note in Sheppard’s voice when he called to ask for a meeting in their shared office. They were rarely there at the same time, and after the all-hands meeting that morning, Evan had been under the impression that they were going to at least attempt to keep things as normal as possible.
He didn’t bother saluting; Sheppard had made it clear during the first week that unless Evan was delivering an official report or conducting formal business, it wasn’t necessary. Actually, Sheppard didn’t seem to care about the formalities even then.
Sheppard immediately waved him into the spare seat. “We’ve got a problem, Major.”
Evan raised his eyebrows. “Sir?”
“Corporal Barnes sent Dr. Weir a report yesterday evening, informing her that he’d seen Captain Reeves coming out of Dr. Anson’s quarters very late at night-or very early in the morning, depending on your point of view.”
Evan winced. “How many times?”
“At least twice in the last month,” Sheppard replied. “Elizabeth pointed out that it was a moot point, but that we may want to make note of that after we try-and probably fail-to dial Earth.”
Evan blinked as he took in that news. He probably should have expected that to be the response, but the reality took him aback. “We’re abolishing DADT.”
“As an independent colony, I suppose we can,” Sheppard replied. “Although if circumstances change…” He shrugged. “Right now, however, I’m more concerned with minimizing fallout. What do you know about Barnes?”
Evan had to think about it. “He was one of the replacements from the last Daedalus run.” He winced reflexively, knowing how accurate those words were. “As far as I know, he’s a good kid. He’s a Marine, and he’s young, so he’s a little gung-ho, but I haven’t heard any complaints.”
Sheppard sighed. “That’s what I thought. We’ll need to handle this carefully.”
Evan hesitated before pointing out, “You know, if one of the top-ranking officers were to come out first, it might smooth the way.”
He kept his expression perfectly impassive at Sheppard’s knowing look. “Major, I’m not going to ask you to do anything I wouldn’t be willing to do myself.”
Sheppard held Evan’s gaze, his mouth twisting in a sardonic smile, and Evan felt a little of the tension bleed out. “Yes, sir.”
“Speaking of, we’re going to need to set up a rotation to help the Athosians with planting, harvest and hunting.” Sheppard switched subjects with ease. “Nobody gets out of going unless they’re on medical leave.”
Evan nodded. “You got it. What about gate teams?”
“We’ll rotate off-world missions, too.”
After a couple of hours of work, Evan and Sheppard had worked out a rotation for off-world missions and groups to send to the mainland to help the Athosians. Although Evan hadn’t known quite what to expect from Sheppard before coming to Atlantis, they worked well together. None of his other commanding officers had Sheppard’s wry sense of humor or laidback attitude, but once Evan had gotten used to him, he’d found they complemented each other well.
And if there was one thing Evan could respect, it was that Sheppard took care of his people.
“One more thing we need to settle, Major,” Sheppard said once they’d finalized the schedule and sent a copy to Dr. Weir for her approval. “Until now, the understanding was always that you’d fill my shoes if something happened to me.”
Evan straightened in his seat. “Is that no longer the case, sir?”
“Relax, Lorne,” Sheppard drawled. “You’re still my first choice, but without any reinforcements from Earth, we need a detailed chain of command.”
Evan took a deep breath. “You’re talking about worst case scenarios. If something happens to both of us, who will take over from there.”
“Exactly.” Sheppard’s intense expression was a far cry from his usual laconic self. “And time in service doesn’t mean shit. There are certain people I wouldn’t want in charge of Atlantis.”
“I think I know who you mean,” Evan agreed.
By the time Evan left Sheppard’s office, the mess had stopped serving dinner, and none of the available sandwiches looked appealing.
“Problem, Major?”
Evan glanced over at Zelenka. “My meeting went late, and it looks like I’m out of luck for dinner tonight.”
Zelenka smiled. “Ah, that’s why it helps to have connections. This way.”
Evan followed Zelenka back to the kitchen. One of the cooks, Dawson, waved at Zelenka cheerfully. “Hey, Dr. Z. Did you not get dinner?”
“Major Lorne was working late with the colonel,” Zelenka replied. “I thought you might have leftovers.”
Dawson hesitated, and then said, “Of course, Major. Let me get you a plate. Just-don’t eat it out there, okay? I’ll have everybody back here wanting me to bend the rules for them.”
“Of course, Corporal Dawson. I’ll eat it at the counter over there if that’s all right,” Lorne said, gesturing.
Evan was soon digging into a hot meal. Dawson finished her cleaning and ducked out of the kitchen, leaving Evan alone with Dr. Zelenka. The silence that fell probably should have been awkward but wasn’t. In truth, Evan was grateful for the company; he didn’t particularly want to be alone with his own thoughts tonight.
“Thanks for this,” Evan said when he realized that he hadn’t expressed his gratitude.
Zelenka shrugged, showing no sign of leaving. “It is not a problem. If you don’t mind me keeping you company, I think I would like to avoid going back to the labs.”
“Dr. McKay on the warpath?” Evan asked after he’d finished his bite of what could almost be called chicken.
Zelenka rolled his eyes. “Ano. He gets this way sometimes, usually when he’s angry with Colonel Sheppard. You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?”
Evan shook his head. “There are a few big things going on, but nothing that would affect McKay, at least that I know of.”
Zelenka shrugged philosophically. “Then who knows? But we have made ourselves scarce, so there are fewer targets for his anger. It is better if there are no targets.” He paused. “And I do not think we will have many evenings free in the future.”
Evan made a noise of agreement as he chased a bit of butter sauce around his plate with a carrot. “No, probably not.”
“We will try to dial Earth soon.”
Zelenka’s tone made it a statement of fact, not a question, and Lorne nodded. “Yeah.”
“You do not think we will be successful.”
“I know General O’Neill, at least a little,” Evan replied carefully. “If he thought there was even the slightest chance he could avoid sending that message, he would have. The fact that he’s given up tells me we probably won’t be able to dial Earth.”
“This is my thought as well.”
Evan pushed his plate away. “Do you have family on Earth?” he asked, a little abashed that he didn’t already know.
“I have a brother and a sister,” Zelenka said. “And my sister’s son, who is a menace.”
“Aren’t most kids?” Evan asked.
Zelenka huffed his agreement. “Yes. And you?”
“Parents, a sister, her husband, their two kids-plus extended family.” Evan swallowed, thinking of all of them. Mostly, he worried about what the government would tell them about what had happened to him. Would he be classified as MIA? As a POW? Or would the government tell them he’d been killed in a training accident-the typical explanation given for SGC personnel killed off-world.
“May I ask why you came to Atlantis?” Zelenka asked gently.
Evan thought about it for a moment. “Because this opportunity was too good to pass up, and because I thought I could make a difference. You?”
“Because I was promised spaceships,” Zelenka replied with a smile. “And because there was nothing truly holding me to Earth.”
Evan chuckled. “I think the spaceships got all of us.” He took a breath. “I hear you’re a champion chess player.”
“Do you wish to play?” Zelenka asked with interest. “I wasn’t aware you were interested in chess.”
“I haven’t played before, but I wouldn’t mind learning,” Evan replied. “I had a few things on order for the next Daedalus run, but since that’s not going to happen…”
“What did you have on order?” Zelenka asked with every indication of real interest.
“Oil pants, mostly,” Evan admitted. “And a few canvases. I’ve got a sketchpad here, and some charcoals and watercolors, but I like the depth of oil.”
Zelenka’s eyes widened. “You paint?”
“I don’t know how well, but my mom taught me. It was something we did together.”
“Perhaps you’ll show me some of your work some time.”
Evan was still a little surprised that he’d admitted his hobby. He wasn’t ashamed of his paintings, but it was one of those things he didn’t tell just anybody about. He’d been butt of too many jokes in the past.
“Yeah, sure,” Evan replied. He’d been on Atlantis long enough that he didn’t have to worry about it.
No, he was going to be on Atlantis for the foreseeable future. Evan probably should get used to telling people that he liked to paint on his off-hours, that he preferred men to women, and that he couldn’t stand ketchup.
He couldn’t quite decide whether there was every reason to hide, or no reason at all.
“I will enjoy having a student,” Zelenka replied. “If you have nothing else this evening, we can begin now.”
Evan nodded. “Yeah. I’d like that.”
~~~~~
Elizabeth watched as Chuck programmed the final symbol for Earth, and she let out a breath when the wormhole failed to initialize.
At least we know what we’re dealing with, she thought.
Chuck looked over his shoulder at her and shook his head, his throat working. “I’m sorry, Dr. Weir.”
“Thank you, Chuck,” she murmured and turned to look at Rodney and John, who were standing behind her. The gate room had become a little crowded over the last hour. Somehow, the entire city had heard the news that they were trying to dial Earth, and those who had gathered were probably drifting off to tell everyone else they knew that it hadn’t worked.
In a couple of hours, the entire city would know that they were, indeed, cut off.
Rodney fidgeted. “So, we go ahead on our plans?”
Elizabeth nodded. “We do. John, we’re going to start with the rotation you sent me as soon as possible.”
John had his hands tucked in his armpits, his whole body taut. “We start tomorrow morning. Do you want me to make the announcement this afternoon?”
“I’ll send out an email,” Elizabeth replied. “Is there anything else I need to say?”
“Just what we talked about.” John rocked back on his heels. “I should get going. I have a couple of things that need my attention.”
Elizabeth had no idea what John needed to do, but she wasn’t willing to ask. She sensed that the citywide repeal of DADT was hitting a nerve with him. “Go ahead,” she said. “As per the schedule, Lorne’s team is up first.”
“I’ll let him know,” he promised, and then turned on his heel to leave the command tower.
Elizabeth wasn’t entirely surprised when Rodney followed her into her office. “What can I do for you, Rodney?”
“What happens if we reestablish contact with Earth?” Rodney asked as soon as the door slid closed behind him.
She frowned. “I’m not sure I know what you mean.”
“If you get rid of DADT now, you have to know that the soldiers who come out are going to face consequences if we ever reestablish contact,” Rodney pointed out with ruthless logic.
Elizabeth sighed. “Then you probably ought to read the documents General O’Neill gave me.”
She unlocked the bottom drawer of her desk and handed Rodney the thick packet she’d been given by O’Neill the last time she’d been on Earth.
“This can’t be legal,” Rodney protested.
Elizabeth smiled. “How long do you think it will take to prove that in a court of law?”
“You can’t prove…” Rodney trailed off. “They won’t take it to court.”
“No, probably not,” Elizabeth replied. “And I doubt the IOA will try to retake Atlantis by force.”
“These papers state that if Atlantis is ever forced to declare independence from Earth, it will thereafter remain independent,” Rodney said. “How the hell did O’Neill manage this?”
“He got them to agree to it because they never believed it would happen,” Elizabeth replied. “General O’Neill made a few threats, and they decided it would be easier to pacify him than argue.”
Rodney sat down heavily. “The language is very specific.”
“If we are abandoned or forced to declare independence, we get to keep it. O’Neill’s message made our independence certain,” Elizabeth agreed. “If anyone arrives to say differently, we would be within our rights to fight back.”
“So, these decisions we make regarding DADT, and any other personnel decisions…”
“Are permanent,” Elizabeth agreed.
Rodney nodded. “Good. I’m glad to know that.”
He stalked out of her office without any further explanation, and Elizabeth decided she really didn’t want to know.
She had a hundred different things to do, a thousand decisions to make. Elizabeth was responsible for the fate of the whole city; she hadn’t been ready for that sort of accountability.
She heard a knock on the door and glanced up to see Kate Heightmeyer standing in the doorway. “Dr. Heightmeyer. Can I help you?”
“I was actually wondering if I could help you,” Kate responded. “How are you?”
Elizabeth managed a smile. “I’m fine.”
Kate raised an eyebrow and sat down in the chair across from Elizabeth’s desk. “Really?”
“Really,” Elizabeth said firmly.
Kate maintained her seat, keeping her eyes on Elizabeth.
Elizabeth sighed. “Have you ever found yourself with more responsibility than you ever thought yourself capable of shouldering? That’s my position at the moment.”
“I want you to know that I’m available,” Kate said quietly. “As far as I’m concerned, the same rules of confidentiality apply.”
Elizabeth rubbed her eyes. “Of course. I promise, I’ll come see you if necessary.”
“There’s no pressure, Dr. Weir,” Kate replied. “I just wanted you to know that the option was open.”
Elizabeth nodded, but she was grateful when Kate took the hint and left. She needed time to process, time to determine what Atlantis needed, and what her own needs were. Until her most recent trip to Earth, Elizabeth had always viewed Atlantis as a stepping-stone. Once she was done here, she would go back to Earth, get married, maybe even have a child. She had never planned on giving up her career, but she’d thought it possible to have both.
And then Simon had ended their relationship, and Elizabeth had been left with Atlantis. It wasn’t a bad bargain in the end, but she had never foreseen being in charge of it all, even after General O’Neill had filled her in on Operation Phoenix.
Earth was never supposed to need an escape hatch. Elizabeth had always relied on the knowledge that there was someone who could take over for her if she failed.
The whole city was operating without a safety net now, she thought. She was ultimately responsible for anything and everything that happened.
It was exhilarating and frightening all at once, and Elizabeth had no idea how she was supposed to feel about all of that.
“Sorry.”
She started, finally recognizing that Ronon stood in the doorway to her office. “Ronon. Hello.”
“You okay?” he asked.
Elizabeth nodded “”Yes, thank you. I’m fine. Is there something I can do for you?”
“I had some ideas about finding ZPMs,” Ronon replied. “Sheppard was busy.”
Elizabeth forced a smile. “Of course. Come in.”
He plopped himself in the chair across from Elizabeth’s desk. “You’ll be okay,” Ronon said without preamble. “You’ve got everything it takes.”
Elizabeth wasn’t sure she wanted to know what “everything it takes” meant. “Thank you,” she said instead, and meant it. “I would appreciate any information you have.”
Chapter 4