Better to Have Loved

[enigmatic_blue]

Better to Have Loved
Author: enigmaticblue
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don’t own these characters; too bad, so sad.
Pairings/Characters: Deputy Andy/SARAH
Spoilers: 4.11, “Liftoff”
Word Count: ~300
Summary: Andy doesn’t know if he regrets the emotional attachment subroutine.
A/N: Written for eureka_tag.


Andy watches the guests leave. He doesn’t know what he’s feeling, but he knows he doesn’t like it.

“I’m sorry, Andy,” Sheriff Carter says.

Andy shakes his head. “It’s not your fault, Sheriff Carter.”

“Maybe not, but I don’t like seeing my-friends hurt.”

Andy hears the slight hesitation before Sheriff Carter says “friends,” and his logic subroutine suggests that this is because the sheriff isn’t entirely certain he can put that label on their relationship. The sheriff might be having a difficult time separating their roles as employer-employee and as friends.

“I don’t know how I feel,” Andy admits.

Sheriff Carter pats Andy on the shoulder, and Andy feels somewhat comforted by the gesture. “That’s okay. Sometimes you don’t.”

Andy doesn’t know if he regrets the emotional attachment subroutine at this moment. He had believed that the ability to connect with someone else would make him more human, and would allow him to understand the people of Eureka better.

But right now, he just hurts.

“I think I need…space,” Andy states after a moment. “I need to get away for a while.”

“Sure,” Sheriff Carter immediately agrees, and after a moment adds. “You know what they say, Andy.”

“What’s what?” Andy asks automatically.

Sheriff Carter glances over at him. “That it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

Andy considers that for a moment, and then asks, “Is that true?”

The sheriff hesitates and shrugs. “I think so, but you’ll have to decide that for yourself.” He pats Andy on the shoulder again. “Take all the time you need.”

Andy doesn’t know how much time he’ll need, but he does need a quiet place, away from everything and everyone, where he can sort through this complicated mess of emotions in his head.

And he knows just the spot.