Highlander: The Source
I was saving this one for a shitty day and lo, the day has come.
I wish I could tell you it's so bad it does a 180° turn and comes up on the other side as good, but in all honesty I can't, and it doesn't. It does all sorts of twists and turns, rolls around itself and comes up exactly as bad as it is* - which is very, very bad.
Not even the presence of Methos and Joe Dawson could save it, because PW was obviously bored (and maybe embarrassed), Methos was criminally underused, and the frakking bastards killed Joe! Just like that, with no point or dignity. I gave up trying to MSTing the movie after that.
It was kind of pointless after all - with a character who introduces himself as "part-time cultural stereotype", the movie MSTinged itself.
The villain - The Guardian - looked like a reject from the old Doctor Who series and moved like Speedy Gonzales on speed. No, seriously, he had the power of speed, which Duncan got too as they got really close to the Source, and made both move like videogame characters on fast-forward.
I barely have the strength to mention the alignment of the planets (ALL planets, EVERYWHERE), the cannibals on motorbikes and the permanent winter that seems to engulf the vague imprecise location of Somewhere in Eastern Europe.
Peter Wingfield in leather[1] couldn't save this movie, and not even Reggie the Cultural Stereotype making an obvious pass[2] at Methos could. (Obviously, Reggie dies.)
Duncan telling Joe that he's a Watcher and shouldn't interfere is a good one, as if the years of interference and friendship had only happened in Joe's head, when Joe declares Duncan his best friend with his dying breath.
Oh, and what made Duncan all pissy and alone? His Wife of the Movie left him because she loved him too much, but couldn't bear the thought of not being able to have his babies.
Guess what the Source gives them, after Anna literally spins towards Saturn (which looms perilously close, along with ALL THE OTHER ALIGNED PLANETS WTF?! Sorry.) and Duncan throws his arms in the air and starts FLYING towards her? Yes, a baby.
[1] Screencaps may follow. Definitely not a promise, next to this movie Endgame is a masterpiece[3].
[2] Not through slash goggles. He tells him leather's a good look on him and makes a kissy noise. I'm not making this up, but sadly the amount of improvement this does to the movie is this: diddly-squat.
[3] OK, not really. Endgame is not a masterpiece next to anything, and not nearly as funny as The Source[4].
[4] If you ignore the KILLING of Joe. Which I CAN'T. The bastards killed Joe!
*I know, a Highlander sequel movie bad? next I'm going to tell you the Earth isn't a flat saucer.
I wish I could tell you it's so bad it does a 180° turn and comes up on the other side as good, but in all honesty I can't, and it doesn't. It does all sorts of twists and turns, rolls around itself and comes up exactly as bad as it is* - which is very, very bad.
Not even the presence of Methos and Joe Dawson could save it, because PW was obviously bored (and maybe embarrassed), Methos was criminally underused, and the frakking bastards killed Joe! Just like that, with no point or dignity. I gave up trying to MSTing the movie after that.
It was kind of pointless after all - with a character who introduces himself as "part-time cultural stereotype", the movie MSTinged itself.
The villain - The Guardian - looked like a reject from the old Doctor Who series and moved like Speedy Gonzales on speed. No, seriously, he had the power of speed, which Duncan got too as they got really close to the Source, and made both move like videogame characters on fast-forward.
I barely have the strength to mention the alignment of the planets (ALL planets, EVERYWHERE), the cannibals on motorbikes and the permanent winter that seems to engulf the vague imprecise location of Somewhere in Eastern Europe.
Peter Wingfield in leather[1] couldn't save this movie, and not even Reggie the Cultural Stereotype making an obvious pass[2] at Methos could. (Obviously, Reggie dies.)
Duncan telling Joe that he's a Watcher and shouldn't interfere is a good one, as if the years of interference and friendship had only happened in Joe's head, when Joe declares Duncan his best friend with his dying breath.
Oh, and what made Duncan all pissy and alone? His Wife of the Movie left him because she loved him too much, but couldn't bear the thought of not being able to have his babies.
Guess what the Source gives them, after Anna literally spins towards Saturn (which looms perilously close, along with ALL THE OTHER ALIGNED PLANETS WTF?! Sorry.) and Duncan throws his arms in the air and starts FLYING towards her? Yes, a baby.
[1] Screencaps may follow. Definitely not a promise, next to this movie Endgame is a masterpiece[3].
[2] Not through slash goggles. He tells him leather's a good look on him and makes a kissy noise. I'm not making this up, but sadly the amount of improvement this does to the movie is this: diddly-squat.
[3] OK, not really. Endgame is not a masterpiece next to anything, and not nearly as funny as The Source[4].
[4] If you ignore the KILLING of Joe. Which I CAN'T. The bastards killed Joe!
*I know, a Highlander sequel movie bad? next I'm going to tell you the Earth isn't a flat saucer.