so much for my abc's, say hello to instability
"I'll only be gone for a few days!"
Dru sat in my car in his final minutes before he had to be at work. I hid my face under my hair and fumbled with the steering wheel.
"You're leaving Thursday and coming back next Thursday, that's a week..."
"Oh...yeah, I guess you're right. I'm sorry! Don't be sad! We're going to hang out everyday until then! Don't miss me before I'm even gone..."
We've been dating for about two months now. The day we became "Facebook Official", his friend Laura died in a car accident. He went up to Cornell for her memorial service about a week later. He got drunk like every night and made out with some guy - how am I supposed to be just okay with him going back so soon, and this time for a whole week?
I really like Dru a lot. He's a flirty guy that could pick up any girl he wanted. I'm too insecure to ask for Splenda in my latte, because I don't want the barista to get annoyed with me. In every other way, though, we're a perfect match. He's a sweet, loving and gentle person - would do just about anything for anybody if they really needed it. But he also has the alter-ego of a jerk, which just makes me more enamored. He's a good listener, but he also can talk for a really long time about video games and doesn't get pissed if I just say "mmmhmmm" and kiss him. He's super smart, but not above anybody. He's got the most cuddleable body and he's sexy and his arms are just the nicest. He's also in a pretty fucking talented band and has impeccable taste in music. He's great.
I'm so worried I'm going to fuck this up somehow.
It's times when I get really needy and annoying-girlfriendy that make me think about how I'm just reflecting my own history into paranoia, you know? I've cheated on boyfriends before. I've gotten drunk and almost cheated on boyfriends before. Why can't I just relax for five fucking minutes and let whatever happens happen? Who cares if Molly licked ants off of Dru's tongue? He's dating me for a reason, right?
Dru hugged and kissed me and started to get out of the car to go to work. I reached into the backseat while he was getting his backpack because of an impulse to pull him back in. Instead, I just waved and offered him a cool hat to wear to work. I'm a big dumb awkward idiot sometimes.
Now I'm home, and the whole time I'm writing this entry I'm talking to Brendan on AIM. There's a tab next to his that I periodically open and stare at for about five minutes at a time. I type out "hey", then slam the backspace key and write "hi" instead. Erase that. Type "hey, Alan...". Erase. What would I even want him to say?
"Hey, Pam! This is weird...I want to be friends again though!"
"Oh me too! Sorry about ruining your life and being a monster for awhile there. Come over!
One of these days I'll get the nerve, and that day is going to probably suck a lot for the both of us. I feel sick.
Dru sat in my car in his final minutes before he had to be at work. I hid my face under my hair and fumbled with the steering wheel.
"You're leaving Thursday and coming back next Thursday, that's a week..."
"Oh...yeah, I guess you're right. I'm sorry! Don't be sad! We're going to hang out everyday until then! Don't miss me before I'm even gone..."
We've been dating for about two months now. The day we became "Facebook Official", his friend Laura died in a car accident. He went up to Cornell for her memorial service about a week later. He got drunk like every night and made out with some guy - how am I supposed to be just okay with him going back so soon, and this time for a whole week?
I really like Dru a lot. He's a flirty guy that could pick up any girl he wanted. I'm too insecure to ask for Splenda in my latte, because I don't want the barista to get annoyed with me. In every other way, though, we're a perfect match. He's a sweet, loving and gentle person - would do just about anything for anybody if they really needed it. But he also has the alter-ego of a jerk, which just makes me more enamored. He's a good listener, but he also can talk for a really long time about video games and doesn't get pissed if I just say "mmmhmmm" and kiss him. He's super smart, but not above anybody. He's got the most cuddleable body and he's sexy and his arms are just the nicest. He's also in a pretty fucking talented band and has impeccable taste in music. He's great.
I'm so worried I'm going to fuck this up somehow.
It's times when I get really needy and annoying-girlfriendy that make me think about how I'm just reflecting my own history into paranoia, you know? I've cheated on boyfriends before. I've gotten drunk and almost cheated on boyfriends before. Why can't I just relax for five fucking minutes and let whatever happens happen? Who cares if Molly licked ants off of Dru's tongue? He's dating me for a reason, right?
Dru hugged and kissed me and started to get out of the car to go to work. I reached into the backseat while he was getting his backpack because of an impulse to pull him back in. Instead, I just waved and offered him a cool hat to wear to work. I'm a big dumb awkward idiot sometimes.
Now I'm home, and the whole time I'm writing this entry I'm talking to Brendan on AIM. There's a tab next to his that I periodically open and stare at for about five minutes at a time. I type out "hey", then slam the backspace key and write "hi" instead. Erase that. Type "hey, Alan...". Erase. What would I even want him to say?
"Hey, Pam! This is weird...I want to be friends again though!"
"Oh me too! Sorry about ruining your life and being a monster for awhile there. Come over!
One of these days I'll get the nerve, and that day is going to probably suck a lot for the both of us. I feel sick.