hey, hovering sombrero
Dear Alan,
Hey, how have you been? I haven't talked to you in a long time. Are you going to the They Might Be Giants show in Pittsburgh? I don't think Brendan and I are going to make it, because it's a lot of driving and we're both pretty busy. But I really wanted to go. I think it's going to be a really good setlist. Weren't you going with YengLan? I guess that's not happening anymore.
That sucks about you and YengLan. She seems really nice. But did you really have to take her keys and wait in her apartment with Corey? I think you might have come off too desperate and scary.
How has your experience in Edinboro been so far? I was so surprised when I got a bunch of phone calls on move-in day from my friends, saying they saw you in Wal-Mart and stuff. I couldn't believe you were actually here. I was helping Brendan move into his room, and I hit my head on something - hard. I fell on the floor and started sobbing.
"I'm so scared, Brendan. I don't want him to be here. I wish he wasn't here. I can't do this."
Brendan just put his arms around me, with this intense look, as if I were his lioness or something, and he was protecting me from some crazy guy-lion that hated me and talked about wanting me dead.
"Everything's going to be fine, Pam. He's not going to hurt you. We're going to the police, now."
Pat escorted us to the police station. My face was still soaked from crying. Every footstep made me terrified. I looked through the span of darkness, waiting for your face to show up. I was so sure that you were here to torture me. To ruin everything. With my arms crossed, I hobbled into the campus police station, holding back more hot tears.
"Hi, um," I stuttered at the huge officer behind the desk. "I have a problem. With a student here."
He put down his paperwork and looked at me. "Already?" I smiled.
"It's really complicated," I explained. I explained everything. I told him all of it. About Carbondale, about Marie, about DS's; every last bit.
"I'm really glad you came down tonight, Ms. Hanlin. Everything's going to be fine, and I know you might not think he's capable of physical harm, but there's always the possibility. I want you to keep us updated. If you see him hanging around your classes or your dorm; let us know if he worries you."
"Alright, thank you Officer. This really means a lot to me."
"Oh, by the way, Ms. Hanlin?" I stopped on my way out the door, and looked back at him.
"He lives in Dearborn."
So what's it like in Dearborn, Alan? Ash used to live there. Wouldn't it have been hilariously tragic if we both lived in the same building? Or even the same floor? That would have been hilarious. You probably would have heard me and Brendan engaging in loud, obnoxious sexual activity.
You're probably thinking, "Pam, I hate you. Why are you writing this? Do you think I still give a shit about you? I'm trying to forget you exist!" Really, Alan? Because I can't forget you exist. I'm not allowed to. I'm still peeking over my shoulder every day making sure you're not around. I get asked by weird girls, "Hey, do you know Alan?" like I never thought I would. I sit in a booth alone while my friends are getting food, and I scream in my head, "It was never supposed to be like this. He wasn't supposed to be here. I was never supposed to see him again."
And I can be completely sure, this time, that this is all your fault. You didn't have to come here. Try as you might to rationalize it to your new friend(s), you don't have one good fucking reason to be here. I broke up with you in March. And now I have to live in this place with you always within a mile radius of me. You could have forgotten about me by now, but you CHOSE to come here. What are you getting out of this? Go home. Leave me alone. Stop eating dinner when my friends and I do.
Sometimes I'll go a week or so without remembering you're here. Then Brendan will come back to the room, talking about something stupid you did in Health class. Why didn't you drop that class? You really think Brendan wants to see your face and dumb hats every day?
I wanted to go out one night to the lake, like I used to. Like I showed you how to do. I can't even do that anymore. You stole it.
Speaking of stolen stuff, can I have my DS back? Seriously, just call Crista tonight and be like "Hey I decided it's time to give Pam her DS and games back, just mail them to her address, thanks." You always said you were waiting for the "right time" to give it back. I think 8 months is about enough.
Wait...8 months...8 months...Brendan and I have been dating for 8 months. Awe. <3
So anyway, I promise I'm done talking about you, Alan. I just wanted to write to you and see how you were doing, and if being in Edinboro and going to my school has made you feel any bit better about being completely insane.
With regards,
Pam
P.S. Seriously though, DS? DS? DSDSDS?
Hey, how have you been? I haven't talked to you in a long time. Are you going to the They Might Be Giants show in Pittsburgh? I don't think Brendan and I are going to make it, because it's a lot of driving and we're both pretty busy. But I really wanted to go. I think it's going to be a really good setlist. Weren't you going with YengLan? I guess that's not happening anymore.
That sucks about you and YengLan. She seems really nice. But did you really have to take her keys and wait in her apartment with Corey? I think you might have come off too desperate and scary.
How has your experience in Edinboro been so far? I was so surprised when I got a bunch of phone calls on move-in day from my friends, saying they saw you in Wal-Mart and stuff. I couldn't believe you were actually here. I was helping Brendan move into his room, and I hit my head on something - hard. I fell on the floor and started sobbing.
"I'm so scared, Brendan. I don't want him to be here. I wish he wasn't here. I can't do this."
Brendan just put his arms around me, with this intense look, as if I were his lioness or something, and he was protecting me from some crazy guy-lion that hated me and talked about wanting me dead.
"Everything's going to be fine, Pam. He's not going to hurt you. We're going to the police, now."
Pat escorted us to the police station. My face was still soaked from crying. Every footstep made me terrified. I looked through the span of darkness, waiting for your face to show up. I was so sure that you were here to torture me. To ruin everything. With my arms crossed, I hobbled into the campus police station, holding back more hot tears.
"Hi, um," I stuttered at the huge officer behind the desk. "I have a problem. With a student here."
He put down his paperwork and looked at me. "Already?" I smiled.
"It's really complicated," I explained. I explained everything. I told him all of it. About Carbondale, about Marie, about DS's; every last bit.
"I'm really glad you came down tonight, Ms. Hanlin. Everything's going to be fine, and I know you might not think he's capable of physical harm, but there's always the possibility. I want you to keep us updated. If you see him hanging around your classes or your dorm; let us know if he worries you."
"Alright, thank you Officer. This really means a lot to me."
"Oh, by the way, Ms. Hanlin?" I stopped on my way out the door, and looked back at him.
"He lives in Dearborn."
So what's it like in Dearborn, Alan? Ash used to live there. Wouldn't it have been hilariously tragic if we both lived in the same building? Or even the same floor? That would have been hilarious. You probably would have heard me and Brendan engaging in loud, obnoxious sexual activity.
You're probably thinking, "Pam, I hate you. Why are you writing this? Do you think I still give a shit about you? I'm trying to forget you exist!" Really, Alan? Because I can't forget you exist. I'm not allowed to. I'm still peeking over my shoulder every day making sure you're not around. I get asked by weird girls, "Hey, do you know Alan?" like I never thought I would. I sit in a booth alone while my friends are getting food, and I scream in my head, "It was never supposed to be like this. He wasn't supposed to be here. I was never supposed to see him again."
And I can be completely sure, this time, that this is all your fault. You didn't have to come here. Try as you might to rationalize it to your new friend(s), you don't have one good fucking reason to be here. I broke up with you in March. And now I have to live in this place with you always within a mile radius of me. You could have forgotten about me by now, but you CHOSE to come here. What are you getting out of this? Go home. Leave me alone. Stop eating dinner when my friends and I do.
Sometimes I'll go a week or so without remembering you're here. Then Brendan will come back to the room, talking about something stupid you did in Health class. Why didn't you drop that class? You really think Brendan wants to see your face and dumb hats every day?
I wanted to go out one night to the lake, like I used to. Like I showed you how to do. I can't even do that anymore. You stole it.
Speaking of stolen stuff, can I have my DS back? Seriously, just call Crista tonight and be like "Hey I decided it's time to give Pam her DS and games back, just mail them to her address, thanks." You always said you were waiting for the "right time" to give it back. I think 8 months is about enough.
Wait...8 months...8 months...Brendan and I have been dating for 8 months. Awe. <3
So anyway, I promise I'm done talking about you, Alan. I just wanted to write to you and see how you were doing, and if being in Edinboro and going to my school has made you feel any bit better about being completely insane.
With regards,
Pam
P.S. Seriously though, DS? DS? DSDSDS?