It's a Wednesday
Nothing exciting going on here. Peace and quiet are only relieving for a little while, then they get to be infinite and slightly suffocating. I need to get up and shower and clean but I just want to lay in the stillness and stop time. At least I did some homework. I hate that it took me so long to find my motivation to do well in class, but I know that the second time around will be different and I'll learn so much more. If I get up it'll probably be to kill bugs. I kill scorpions almost every other day...often two at a time...gah! I'm getting over the anxiety over them, slowly but surely. At least I'll be tougher in that perspective when I move back to the city. I feel like a part of me has stopped learning since I moved, something intellectual. I don't read as much anymore, I think it's the lack of Internet. It's good that I'm not always distracted by it but I think the separation has made me realize how much time I spent researching and learning. It's become difficult to get motivated to cook at home, because of the mess, the dirt and bugs from outside and the spider webs! OMG the spiderwebs are everywhere! And the tiniest of spiders all over the place. The solution is simple: take cats to vet, bug bomb the place in their absence, buy heavy duty bug killer from country store. The thing stopping me: money. I'm asking for a raise next month, that means I have to be exceptional every day! I just have to keep believing in my strength and persevere, I have to believe I'll move forward if I keep working hard. I have to stop doubting myself and stop making excuses. There is no excuse to be anything less than the best I can be. I will never know what path to take if I don't give 110% everyday in everything I do until I find it. It's a big dream, finding your purpose, but people do it every day all over the world, so there's no reason I can't make it out there. I just have to believe in myself at this point and let go....