Politically Correct Ch. 19
Title: Politically Correct
Rating: T
Word Count: 2,964
Pairing: Zoro x Sanji
Summary: AU set in the San Francisco Bay Area Nami has decided that she's tired of Sanji constantly chasing after girls only to be taken advantage of & decides to take a more active role in Sanji committing to a Real Relationship.
Disclaimer: One Piece = Eiichiro Oda =/= me.
Notes: blargh.
[Previous Chapters]
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“I’m glad that make-up torture session with that freaky clown was good for something.” Nami stood back and admired her handiwork, capping the remaining stub of red lipstick with satisfaction. She spun around to face her friends and slapped a hand against the wall, now displaying a large floor plan drawn in bright red lines. “Alright, listen up! Commit this map to memory. The smoke’s going to make it hard to see so having a reference in mind should make it easier to navigate the mess out there. Also,” Nami smiled menacingly, “I made the effort to draw it to scale so it damn well better not go to waste.”
Luffy scratched at his neck, unused to the wooly scarf wrapped around it. “But Nami, if you’ve already memorized it, then can’t I just follow you?”
She spun around to glare daggers at Luffy. “Because you’re the one who was complaining about not having a map in the first place! LOOK. It’s a damn warehouse, just try to make it from point A to B.”
Luffy let out a big sigh, “Yeah, but I wanted a treasure map.”
Before Nami could deliver a smack to his head, a sudden whistling and loud burst of bright lights and colors showered down from the ceiling. Sanji squinted into the bright flashes of light, “I’m honestly surprised Usopp managed to save so much of the fireworks I hooked him up with.”
“I’m guessing that’s our signal.” Robin pulled a fire extinguisher from where it was mounted on the wall. Most of the fire had burned down, now concentrated in corners where wooden set equipment had been kept out of the way.
“Robin, Vivi, and Nami-swan~ if you’d all kindly stay behind me I’ll be sure to guide you around any obstacles.” Sanji flashed Nami a smile, “And with a map as brilliant-- and no doubt as accurate-- as this one, we’ll be at the office in no time.“
Franky shooed his friends forward, “Luffy can join Sanji up front and I’ll bring up the rear. Let’s move out!”
The six friends carefully picked their way across the warehouse floor. The low burning fires cast eerie shadows flickering as light filtered through the smoke drifting up to the ceiling.
As the troop of friends neared the offices, the smoke visibly thickened around them. Vivi coughed into a handkerchief and startled slightly as Robin placed a guiding hand on her back. The raven-haired woman’s face was pulled tight with concern. “This isn’t right.”
“What do you mean?” The cloth still pressed against her mouth muffled Vivi’s words.
“The explosion Usopp and Franky rigged up to gain entrance into your cell wasn’t big enough to cause this much damage. Especially not on this side of the warehouse.”
Sanji suddenly flung out his arm, immediately bringing everyone to a halt. He scuffed his shoe against the floor to create a small clearing amongst the rubble, and flexed his glove-clad fingers. “You might want to stand back.”
The outline of a man emerged from the thick smoke. The shadow of a long nose was distinct, but different from the familiar curve of Usopp’s.
Vivi reached a hand out towards the man emerging from the hallway as recognition hit her. “Kaku? Are you okay? What’re you doing here?”
Kaku pushed his cap upwards, meeting the princess’ eye. “Just setting the offices on fire. You?”
Vivi froze. It took only a moment for the shock on her face to twist into anger. “What? Why would you DO that?!”
“Why?” The man tilted his head. “Because putting all those documents through the shredder would’ve been really boring.”
“This whole place is full of people who are fucking insane.” Sanji muttered.
Franky made his way to the front line, standing shoulder-to-shoulder with Sanji. “You know, in most cases I’d be all for sticking it to the man, but in Alabasta’s case,” he clapped a large hand on Vivi’s shoulder, “‘The Man’ happens to include our little princess here and she’s actually trying to do what’s best for her people. Yet you’re helping destroy evidence for the terrorists.”
Sanji stood near his friend. “Franky, wanna put that fire extinguisher to use?”
Kaku pinched his eyebrows together. “Well, you can try, but you don’t really think I’m going to just stand by and watch…?”
“No, I think you’re going to be too preoccupied with wiping your ass after I kick the shit out of you. And maybe while I’m at it, I’ll do you a favor and kick that monstrosity of a nose back to a normal size.” Sanji peered up at the taller man. “I mean, honestly, Usopp’s got a whopper of a honker himself, but yours is just really fucking unfortunate.”
Luffy nodded his head in understanding, ”Usopp’s nose just looks stupid. Your nose makes you look like a giraffe.” Sanji barely had a second to kick Luffy out of the way before a long blade slit through the air where the boy had been standing. Vivi and Nami rushed to Luffy, who showed no signs of injury and was instead grumbling a loud, “Geeez, Sanji. You owe me a meat buffet for that.”
“I owe you a meat buffet for saving you? Shouldn’t you be the one doing something for me?” Despite the friendly banter, Sanji made sure to keep his eyes focused on Kaku, who seemed to be seething with a mixture of anger and embarrassment. “And by the way, shitty giraffe, are you fucking serious? Swords? Is this part of some Pirates of the Caribbean-swashbuckling trend I’ve-- thank the gods-- managed to miss?”
When Zoro’s voice boomed from right behind him with a “I don’t want to hear that bullshit from a cook that only knows how to kick... even fucking cavemen used weapons,” Sanji prided himself on the fact that he didn’t so much as flinch at Zoro’s sudden appearance.
“Was that supposed to be an insult? Because I’m quite happy having a fighting style that shares nothing with cavemen.” In his periphery, Sanji could see Franky, fire extinguisher in hand, as he edged towards the burning office. Robin was close behind.
But Sanji wasn’t the only one to notice and in the next instant the blunt edge of Kaku’s sword had smashed into Franky’s gut. Winded by the blow, Franky doubled over and the fire extinguisher slipped from his grasp.
Before Sanji--intent on defending his friend-- could retaliate, Zoro’s swords were out and clashing with those of their square-nosed opponent. Sanji immediately stepped back, but growled out in annoyance “I saw him first shitty swordsman.”
“I didn’t hear you call dibs, stupid cook.” Zoro’s swords whistled through empty air as Kaku successfully dodged another swing. “And,” Zoro sidestepped Kaku’s forward lunge, “he’s a swordsman.”
Sanji smirked when he took note of the fact that Franky, Robin, and the fire extinguisher were nowhere in sight. Leave it to the power couple to get shit done. Now, I just need to keep freaky long-nosed swordsman’s attention away. “Never stopped me from landing my kicks on your oafish ass.”
Kaku hopped backwards to put some distance between himself and Zoro, “You know, kicking and slicing aren’t mutually exclusive.” With a scrape and a tap, a single blade slid out from each toe of Kaku’s shoes. “ I like to think of myself as a four-swords user. It’s all just technicalities.” He used his two swords to vault himself towards Zoro with a sudden burst of speed that caught the green-haired swordsman off-guard.
Sanji clenched his jaw as one of the shoe-blades sliced through Zoro’s clothes, leaving a fine red line of welling blood. Zoro gave the cut a shrug and drew a third sword, placing it between his teeth. “ ‘S not my hoodie.”
The fight dissolved into a blur of motion, the sound of steel-against-folded-steel the only clear indicator of what was happening at any given moment. Sanji tore his eyes away from the two swordsmen to find Vivi and Luffy.
The two were surrounded by limp bodies clad in black, Sanji recognized a few of them from when he first arrived at the warehouse. Luffy waved a bloody fist at Sanji in greeting. Not for the first time in their short acquaintance, Sanji wondered at the hidden depths of, not just Luffy, but everyone in their close-knit group.
The three huddled close as Sanji spoke in hurried tones, “It looks like Franky and Robin were able to get away, let’s hope they’re able to salvage anything from the office.” Sanji looked around, “Where’re Nami and Usopp?”
Vivi’s eyes were narrowed as she continued to peek at Zoro’s fight still taking place around the corner. “Nami went ‘Aha!’ and then ran off that way.” Vivi pointed down the hallway opposite to the burning offices that Robin and Franky had gone towards. “We would have followed, but then these guys,” a little wave of her hand indicated the unconscious bodies, “came from out of nowhere. But Nami did manage to drag Usopp with her.”
Chin tucked into his chest and arms crossed with a pout, Luffy muttered in annoyance, “I bet she found the treasure and her and Usopp are going to get all the credit.”
Sanji pinched his friend’s cheek. “You and Vivi need to get out of the building while I find Nami and Usopp.” He looked over his shoulder towards the burning offices, “Robin and Franky can take care of themselves. And we’re lucky, because if there’s anyone who could salvage evidence from a fire, it’s those two.”
Vivi once again looked ready to argue, but a loud crash brought their attention back to Kaku and Zoro. The two had separated and were staring each other down, each breathing heavily. Between them, dust was settling around a piece of fallen ceiling.
The princess slipped her hand into Sanji’s, twining their fingers together. “And what about him?”
Sanji watched the muscles shift under Zoro’s torn and fitted shirt, hoodie apparently discarded, as the two swordsmen prepared to clash once more. He brought Vivi’s hand to his lips for a soft kiss, “Tell him that we’re breaking up if he gets himself killed.” Sanji lowered her hand, giving it a final squeeze before letting go and taking off down the hallway Vivi had pointed out earlier.
Taking a deep breath, Vivi turned to Luffy. “I guess we need to find our way out.”
Luffy tugged on his hood. “What do you want to do?”
She frowned in confusion. “Well, Sanji said we need-“
“I asked what you wanted to do.”
Momentarily taken aback, Vivi shook her head. “I… I want to help.”
“Well then,” Zoro’s deep voice boomed behind them. Vivi and Luffy both turned to look at him now standing above a beaten Kaku, “I guess I’ll just stay here and guard the entrance?”
Luffy let out a loud whoop and ran over to punch Zoro in the arm in congratulations. Vivi joined in, throwing her arms around Zoro in relief before letting him go with a smile. “Then let’s go!”
But before Luffy and Vivi could run off to find Franky and Robin, a man emerged from the shadows. A tall hat sat atop his mess of curls. “Well, this is a disappointment, Kaku.” They could hear the click of dress shoes as he approached. “Tell me you at least completed your mission?”
“Of course, Lucci.” Kaku climbed to his feet, using his re-sheathed sword as a crutch. “I collected all the documents and set them on fire.”
“Then we’re done here.” Lucci stared straight at Zoro. “I can’t believe you were defeated by someone you scouted for a fake movie.”
Kaku straightened up next to Lucci, a hand clutching his side. “I don’t want my name attached to a crappy movie. If I’m going to do my job, then I’m going to do my job. Even if it is just a cover.”
Zoro was content to stay uninvolved as long as there was no clear threat, but his curiosity got the better of him, “What the hell are you going on about?”
Lucci turned towards him, “I’d have no qualms with explaining. But...”
Zoro rolled his eyes, “But, what? You’d have to kill us?”
The serious expression on Lucci’s face didn’t falter, “Yes, exactly.”
“I know we’re on a movie set, but damn you’re fucking dramatic.” Zoro shot the two opposing men a look of complete disinterest, “you’re almost as bad as the ero-cook when he’s-”
*WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPE OUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTT~*
Everyone turned to look at Luffy, whose pocket was now playing out a loud riff.
Zoro knew he should be annoyed that Luffy hadn’t thought to put his phone on silent, or even vibrate, while trespassing and partaking in some massive B&E, but he wasn’t. Instead he put on a mask of feigned irritation and said, “Someone should’ve called you earlier, then maybe we could’ve lured out the guards and just taken care of them all at once.”
Luffy fished his phone out of his pocket and pressed talk with a loud “Hey, Ace!”
Zoro slipped the cell from Luffy’s hand and pressed the speaker button in time to catch the tail end of Ace’s [ --adults around that I can speak to? ]
“Well, Luffy is over 18 years of age. He’s an adult in the eyes of the law.”
[ While I’d love to argue over technicalities with you, Zoro, I need to know where you’re at. ]
“Treasure Island.”
[ Yes. Fantastic. You’re also in a burning warehouse. I always could count on you to be succinct, but right now I need to know exactly where you’re at. Specifically in relation to the west-side entrance. ]
Zoro squinted at the bright green exit sign shining a few feet away. “It looks like we’re right on it.”
“No. No we’re not!” A breathless Nami glared at Zoro as she snatched the phone from his open palm. “We’re on the opposite side of the warehouse. Right next to the east-side exit.”
[ Good, because the Feds have surrounded the warehouse so we’re gonna set off some ahem flashy distractions. Give us two minutes and the east-side exit should be clear. ]
It wasn’t until Sanji and Usopp appeared with bulky duffel bags tossed over their shoulders that anyone noticed Lucci and Kaku were no longer there. Robin and Franky were close behind with their own filled duffels.
Thirty seconds later bright flashes of color lit up the windows and a loud cymbal crash and brass fanfare blared out on the other side of the walls, leading into the familiar strains of the Star Wars main theme.
Sanji grimaced. “Well, so much for sneaking out.”
“What are you harping on about?” Zoro gave their nearby exit a hard shove and it scraped open on rusty hinges. “That’s Ace’s distraction.”
Usopp frowned in confusion. “Ace is here?”
Robin was first out the door and beckoning the rest to follow. “We can do all our debriefing later. At the moment, escaping is probably a better use of our time.”
Behind Robin, headlights flashed on illuminating a large SUV that had been hidden in the darkness of an alley across the street. The driver’s side window rolled down a gruff voice said, “Move your asses and get in the goddamn car before any of my agents notice I’m missing.”
The passenger-side door popped open and Ace jumped out. “Hey, guys and gals! Special Agent Soccer-Mom-Smoker has volunteered to give you all a lift home.”
“What’s this, Ace? Getting help from the Fed?” Zoro shook his head and followed as his friends quickly crossed the street towards the waiting vehicle, “Never expected that from you.”
Ace grinned at him. “And frankly, I always expected that I’d be the one stuck inside a burning building.”
“If memory serves, you HAVE been stuck inside burning buildings. Plenty of times.”
“Yeaaaaaaaah, but it doesn’t count if I was the one burning it down.”
“Was that a confession to arson, Portgas?”
Ace winked at Smoker, “If I say ‘yes’ will you ‘take me in for questioning’?”
“Go ahead, Portgas, keep pushing my limits. Just remember that I’m the only reason Luffy and his friends’ asses aren’t in jail for trespassing right now.”
Though his smile didn’t falter, the amusement in Ace’s eyes hardened into a challenge. Tone cheery and gaze locked with the FBI agent’s, Ace replied, “Unless you’re interested in seeing the entire West Coast go up in flames as I work my way to the Atlantic, I’d suggest you keep my baby brother out of your threats. Idle they may be.” Not waiting for a response, Ace turned his attention to the rest of the SUV, now fit to bursting with the addition of eight bodies and several bags. “Don’t worry about Brook and Chopper. I’ll take care of them.”
The SUV rumbled to life as Ace took off deeper into the dark alley. The crackle of the radio speakers as Smoker made calls to his various agents and the local police created a comfortable buzz of distraction as they headed back towards the city.
Usopp popped up from where he was sharing the hatchback storage space with Luffy during an extended moment of radio silence. “Sooooo you’re not taking us to jail, right?”
Smoker glared into the rearview mirror. “You can’t imagine how much I’d love to lock you all up right now, but no. Nami and Vivi are in the system as missing persons so they’ll be headed to a safe house I personally secured. “The rest of you are going to be taken to your homes where covert surveillance will be kept up by trusted agents.” His eyes flicked back to the road before he continued, “I suggest you get your alibis straight.”
[next: chapter 20]