if i'd known it was harmless, i would have killed it myself
draw your weapon / draw a blank / draw breath
2008 was an incoherent sequence of washing my hands interspersed with episodes of cutting them off to spite my wrists. can wave a fond farewell as it swirls down the drain & let's have another round of applause for THE FUTURE. just please don't make it a 2007 i can't take that shit again. & i'm too old for another 2006 so. do i jump out of a building or glue things to my forehead or do nothing that would theoretically endanger my well-being as was last year's m.o. do i care. would i like to. if wishes were horses the world would be full of shit--OH WAIT. next time i sigh wistfully i hope a unicorn charges out of my forehead. a life without surprises is no life at all.
[writing neurons fried as hell from kicking another semester's ass via extended periods of wakefulness, featuring talking kitchen walls & an irritating snowstorm that would not leave my vision no matter how hard i tried to convince myself it was not in fact snowing. oh aunt phetamine we sometimes wish you would stay locked up in the attic]
the book from years ago is getting rewritten, in a miraculously evolved form. never thought that would happen. can't stand to even read the old version as knowing i wrote it? makes me want to build a time machine & shove my three-years-ago self into the welcoming arms of an oncoming train. all's well that fucking ends.