since every one else puts up rants...
It's kinda' wierd, but even though I've been wanting a break so badly here recently I'm almost glad thanksgiving break is over. I dunno', it seems like when I'm one place I want to be at the other. When I'm home I want to be at school, but I can only be at school for so long before I get so stressed out that I want to go home. It makes no sense. Okay, I'm probly making more of it than there really is. Right now I'm just in a bit of a bad mood, and since I'm in bloomington it feels like there's no one I can talk to. I don't even know why I'm in a bad mood. It's not like anything that horrible has happened. The worst thing that's occured my entire time here is just studying for my dynamics test and feeling like I'm drowning in it. It drives me insane. I know that I understand the stuff but it seems like if I step away from it for a second everything I thought I understood just goes wooshing right out of my head. And I need to do well on this next test and on the final. I need to be done with this class, and I'm just so afraid I'm going to fail again. The entire reason I wanted this break was so I could relax because I've been pushing myself so hard and I was just getting so tired and so burnt out. But I'm so afraid that if I let myself go, even a little I'm gonna' screw everything up, and I can't do that. I know it's silly, but I guess emotions and fears really don't make sense. I guess that's why I'm in a bad mood, all the little fears nibbling at my brain. I need to let loose and give myself a break, but I don't know how to. And part of it is just the simple fact of not knowing. I don't know if I'm doing okay at all, so I fear the worse, with deformable bodies and thermodynamics, I know, so I'm not worried at all, but dynamics is a different story, and I just can't take failing again. One time is maybe forgiveable, but twice basically means I shouldn't be a mechanical engineer, and if I'm not a mechanical engineer then I don't know what to do. So all I can do is hope I guess, hope that this damn subject doesn't swallow me whole, hope that I can somehow, by some miracle make it through, and soon enough I guess I'll know...