Just to get this out there.

[engrafted]

The following things about me surprise people.

• I have a disciplined life in general.
• I'm a good student.
• I'm always ahead on my homework.
• I wake up early.
• I like to read.
• If I'm in control I'm never late.
• I don't play video games on my computer, I study.
• I take long bike rides for fun. Yes I'm actually athletic.
• I'm not stupid!

I only know a few people that have not been surprised by every one of these thing about me. All because of how I dress and how I act. Words cannot explain my frustration at how people treat me because I don't fit my stereotype. People think I'm lazy, irresponsible, and stupid. I hate that. I'm underestimated in everything I do. Which is good in a way because I never let anyone down. But it also means that people expect nothing from me. And who wants to do anything when everyone expect them to do nothing? It drives me to better things most of the time, but would it push me harder if people actually expected me to be something other than a failure? I'm not sure

Why couldn't God have just made me like everyone else. Then I could be happy with a comfortable mediocre life. I could just got a job and been happy with the standard "american dream." Nice wife, a couple kids, a house, whatever. Why do I have to want to change things? I wish I could just kick back and let everyone else be right about me. But I would rather die then let other people be right about me.

If I do nothing great in life than I have done nothing at all.

I guess I just have to rest on Gods promise when He said, "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart" (Jeremiah 29:11-13).