☂ one

[englishpride]

[ audio transmission | mode: activated; language: English ]

Ugh....

[ soft groaning, then a shuffling of dead leaves and heavy fabric ]

I'd have thought by now I'd be use to thi--

[ a pause, and more shuffling of leaves ]

... th' bloody 'ell? I didn't get that pissed last night, did I?...

DAMMIT, FRANCE, I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THESE PRANKS OF

Comments

[puzzledprof]

Another one?

Ah, are you alright, Sir? I suppose no one's given you the information on our situation yet?

[ audio ]

[englishpride]

I can't say that I'm all right-- I might not even be all right in the head, at this rate. Agh, my head...

[ audio ]

[puzzledprof]

Perhaps you could do with a visit to the clinic first, then.

...From the sound of it, you're in the forest? I'm afraid that's quite a dangerous place to be at the moment.

[ audio ]

[englishpride]

Ah-- yes, looks like at the edge of a city, too. Rather a rank-lookin' one, if I may say so. Oh, and there's no need to worry for me, I simply need a visit from Mr Ibuprofen, more like. God, never again.

[ audio ]

[puzzledprof]

I'm afraid you may not understand the gravity of the situation. This is not Earth... and there are also monsters in that forest -- actually, they're everywhere, but the ones in the forest are even more dangerous.

[ audio ]

[englishpride]

.... Oh, god, you're not one of those, are you? Look, tell France that enough is enough-- these pranks cannot continue!

[ audio ]

[puzzledprof]

...Those? It's no prank, Sir. It's quite dangerous out there, I'm only worrying for your safety.

[ audio ]

[englishpride]

You're telling me that this is not even on Earth? I'm hardly as much a numpty as Ame--

[ yes, that's the sound of bat wings flapping ]

[ audio ]

[puzzledprof]

I would ask you to simply look up at the sky, but it's the wrong time of day for both moons to be out --

What was that? Are you alright?

[ audio ]

[englishpride]

What the-- christ, I was almost waylaid by a bleedin' bat!

[ audio ]

[puzzledprof]

[A sigh of relief.] Oh, just a bat. I thought it could have been something worse.

Perhaps it would be best to head toward a safe building now. Would you like some directions? Or perhaps an escort would be safer.

[ audio ]

[englishpride]

... Look, chap-- I can tell you're a man of my own, so please do tell the truth, yes?

[ audio ]

[puzzledprof]

Everything I've told you is true; it may be hard to believe, but the proof will come with time.

[ audio ]

[englishpride]

.... Well, it's not as though I've much choice but to believe this....

[ audio ]

[puzzledprof]

Do you have any specific questions in particular, then, or shall I start at the top?

[ audio ]

[englishpride]

... Well, first of all, can you tell me which other nations are here? I should know precisely what I'm dealing with here...