How long till my soul gets it right
So tomorrow i have a meeting at 2:00 with the first year dean and another at 3:00 with the counseling service. I know i swore I woud never talk to a shrink again but i never realized i was this sick. I need to get better.
My roomate is trying to move out. I dont blame her. I am going to talk to the house prez, let her know that I will move out of the house if there isnt another room in the house for Lily. I know she doesnt want to leave Jordan and I think everyone would be a little bit better if I left.
I have been considering transfering but I doubt i could get in anywhere at this moment in time.
I am empty right now.
I recently learned that masocism actually has some biological roots. Pleasure sensors and pain sensors are mixed up. But that only explains me half of the time. Sometimes it is like someone hit a switch. Just like that and I am someone completly different. One moment I need to be held down, bitten, scratched and fucked until I am calm again, and the next i want to be held and told that it is all okay. I honestly think i did half the things i did the other night because i wanted to be hit. I wanted someone to get angery enought to put me in my place. Eh.. it doesnt matter anyway.
I am a hopeless romantic because I cant believe that it will happen to me so I would rather destory it before it can destory me. I want to believe in romance but I cant bring myself to fight for it.
I am afraid to fall alseep anymore.
My roomate is trying to move out. I dont blame her. I am going to talk to the house prez, let her know that I will move out of the house if there isnt another room in the house for Lily. I know she doesnt want to leave Jordan and I think everyone would be a little bit better if I left.
I have been considering transfering but I doubt i could get in anywhere at this moment in time.
I am empty right now.
I recently learned that masocism actually has some biological roots. Pleasure sensors and pain sensors are mixed up. But that only explains me half of the time. Sometimes it is like someone hit a switch. Just like that and I am someone completly different. One moment I need to be held down, bitten, scratched and fucked until I am calm again, and the next i want to be held and told that it is all okay. I honestly think i did half the things i did the other night because i wanted to be hit. I wanted someone to get angery enought to put me in my place. Eh.. it doesnt matter anyway.
I am a hopeless romantic because I cant believe that it will happen to me so I would rather destory it before it can destory me. I want to believe in romance but I cant bring myself to fight for it.
I am afraid to fall alseep anymore.