Fun Texas Style
Sara came to visit over Memorial Day weekend, allowing me to once again flex my hostessing skills. I visited the "grassy knoll" for the 3rd time and it was every bit as boring as the first two. While the location itself is rather blase, the Conspiracy Musuem provides much entertainment. Sure ... one could go to the government-sponsored museum in the famed Texas Book Depository. But you'd only hear the "official" story. No no ... to find out the truth, you must venture off the beaten path and go to the Conspiracy Museum.
The proprietor makes Mel Gibson in Conspiracy Theory look like a G-man. He has a story and an accompanying conspiracy for everything. He spent 5 minutes discussing how the John Wilkes Booth shot in a barn shortly after Lincoln's death wasn't actually THE John Wilkes Booth. He and his posse petitioned the courts to have the body exhumed to prove their theory. In an odd coincidence Sara had seen this story on Unsolved Mysteries and recognized him immediately. Since we all know I can't watch Unsolved Mysteries w/o having someone check under my bed for escaped serial killers, I had sadly missed that episode and was on the outside of their conspiracy circle.
After Sara and Conspiracy guy finished discussing Lincoln's death, we strolled through the museum. Now, when you go to a museum, you expect to find real artifacts and professional displays. Well Conspiracy guy lacks the funds to provide such frivolity to its patrons. Instead, the Conspiracy museum contains a lot of handmade poster boards akin to the ones you might have created for your 4th grade science project. Naturally, none of them match the one I created for my homemade water purification system ...
Afterwards, I took Sara to Dallas' finest dining establishment: Babe's Chicken Dinner House. (No it isn't a strip club). We dined on the best fried chicken and watched high schoolers embarass themselves by dancing to the hokey pokey in front of a room full of strangers.
The next day we spent poolside with a brief jaunt to the Knox-Henderson area for a free wine tasting. We dined on what we later found out to be tongue and both appreciated our ignorance of this fact prior to partaking of the dish.
We also spent a day at the mall and I ate at my first Rainforest Cafe per Sara's suggestion. (Notably, Sara hates children and so this suggestion caught me off guard to say the least). A chipper fellow dressed in a lot of cargo referred us to the elephant to wait in a pre-line -- that is to say a line to be told a time to come back and wait in another line. An hour later our "safari" took off.
After lunch, we blazed a trail through the massive Grapevine Mills Outlet mall. She bought clothing and I bought copious amounts of grill accessories. (Yes, I've apparently grown a penis). After determining that we simply could walk no further, we went back to my apartment to make a feast for the ages. We drank wine and for some inexplicable reason, IMed several random people with lyrics from the Kid Rock song Bawitdaba. If you received said IM, please forgive me. I blame the wine.
We spent our last day at the Fort Worth Stockyards and finally procured the "Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy" shirt she coveted. Sadly, my "Ride this Cowgirl" shirt stayed at the store. (Totally a joke, FYI)
After a day sweating in the sun and contemplating riding a mechanical bull, I drove her to the airport to head back to the needle strewn streets of Baltimore.
After reading this tale, many of you will rush to Travelocity to book your own vacations to come visit me. Fear not, I'm in the Lone Star state for at least the next 3 years, and my couch/bed/air mattress is always open to visitors.
The proprietor makes Mel Gibson in Conspiracy Theory look like a G-man. He has a story and an accompanying conspiracy for everything. He spent 5 minutes discussing how the John Wilkes Booth shot in a barn shortly after Lincoln's death wasn't actually THE John Wilkes Booth. He and his posse petitioned the courts to have the body exhumed to prove their theory. In an odd coincidence Sara had seen this story on Unsolved Mysteries and recognized him immediately. Since we all know I can't watch Unsolved Mysteries w/o having someone check under my bed for escaped serial killers, I had sadly missed that episode and was on the outside of their conspiracy circle.
After Sara and Conspiracy guy finished discussing Lincoln's death, we strolled through the museum. Now, when you go to a museum, you expect to find real artifacts and professional displays. Well Conspiracy guy lacks the funds to provide such frivolity to its patrons. Instead, the Conspiracy museum contains a lot of handmade poster boards akin to the ones you might have created for your 4th grade science project. Naturally, none of them match the one I created for my homemade water purification system ...
Afterwards, I took Sara to Dallas' finest dining establishment: Babe's Chicken Dinner House. (No it isn't a strip club). We dined on the best fried chicken and watched high schoolers embarass themselves by dancing to the hokey pokey in front of a room full of strangers.
The next day we spent poolside with a brief jaunt to the Knox-Henderson area for a free wine tasting. We dined on what we later found out to be tongue and both appreciated our ignorance of this fact prior to partaking of the dish.
We also spent a day at the mall and I ate at my first Rainforest Cafe per Sara's suggestion. (Notably, Sara hates children and so this suggestion caught me off guard to say the least). A chipper fellow dressed in a lot of cargo referred us to the elephant to wait in a pre-line -- that is to say a line to be told a time to come back and wait in another line. An hour later our "safari" took off.
After lunch, we blazed a trail through the massive Grapevine Mills Outlet mall. She bought clothing and I bought copious amounts of grill accessories. (Yes, I've apparently grown a penis). After determining that we simply could walk no further, we went back to my apartment to make a feast for the ages. We drank wine and for some inexplicable reason, IMed several random people with lyrics from the Kid Rock song Bawitdaba. If you received said IM, please forgive me. I blame the wine.
We spent our last day at the Fort Worth Stockyards and finally procured the "Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy" shirt she coveted. Sadly, my "Ride this Cowgirl" shirt stayed at the store. (Totally a joke, FYI)
After a day sweating in the sun and contemplating riding a mechanical bull, I drove her to the airport to head back to the needle strewn streets of Baltimore.
After reading this tale, many of you will rush to Travelocity to book your own vacations to come visit me. Fear not, I'm in the Lone Star state for at least the next 3 years, and my couch/bed/air mattress is always open to visitors.