To 2018: I cannot wait to bid you adieu.
In my last entry, about a year ago, I wrote about updates and current affairs. I suppose it's about time for another update. I left off mid-October of 2017 so I'll do my best to summarize each month leading up to the current. This is probably going to be as difficult to write as it will be to read.
October 2017:
Daddy and I were able to take our usual camping trip in Allamuchy mid-October. We only got one day and one night unfortunately, because it was supposed to rain. So we came home early and ate at Cracker Barrel instead. Mom and Dad came down for our joint birthday celebrations, but Daddy was having a real tough time breathing. Later on in the month they discovered he had a PE - blood clot in his lung that made it difficult to breathe. The poor man huffed up a flight of stairs to come to my house. They put him on Warfarin, a blood thinner.
November 2017:
My parents, Scott and I celebrated our joint anniversaries up in North Jersey. Our 4th, their 36th. As predicted, our big family trip to Disney had to be cancelled because the cancer was getting into Daddy's eye, and if he didn't have the laser radiation, he would go blind. Come Thanksgiving, Daddy wasn't feeling great, and although Scott and I were to be hosting, we brought everything with us up to Clifton instead. Scott was a champ and cooked the entire meal, because Mommy wasn't feeling so hot herself. I was glad to see Daddy up and eating, but unlike the usual, he didn't have too many extra helpings of anything, and had to leave the table before anyone else. Black Friday was always for putting up the tree, but since Daddy didn't feel much like it, we just spent the day together as a family.
December 2017:
Scott and I did our caroling in Cape May again. We spent Christmas Eve and Christmas Morning with my parents in Clifton. On a side note, our family has a tradition of eating Christmas Eve Dinner by candlelight. When Mom blows the candle out, if the smoke goes straight up it means that everyone in the room will be together again next year. If the smoke goes towards a door or window, it means not everyone will be together. The smoke went straight up...
New Years Eve Scott and I were fighting colds and my Daddy just felt too sick to travel so we had to spend New Years apart. I was very angry about this, because I'm sick and tired of customers coming in while sick. Stay home and make your payments over the phone for crying out loud. Meanwhile Mommy was not improving. Double vision, ptosis, vertigo. She had trouble driving as well.
January 2018:
Dad went to the ER on January 1st or 2nd, and stayed in the hospital until the 5th, when he was sent to rehab because his legs were weak and he kept falling. He just never looked sick. He eventually came home for a little while, but needed a walker to get around. He occasionally needed help getting off the couch but he was so strong. Somewhere in the middle of this, he was taken from rehab to the ER, and back to rehab. He was incredibly upset about this and had a meltdown in the ER. It was so painful to watch.
I've never seen my father act that way. Unfortunately he had to go back to the ER on the 22nd and was admitted. What happened after that is foggy.
February 2018:
Scott and I took a small break and went to Disney for 3 days. We thought it would be nice to share the fireworks show with our parents, so Scott Facetimed his parents while I did the same for mine. After a few minutes, my Daddy was unable to stay up and just wanted to go to bed, so I said I'd show it to them when we got back and recorded instead. Daddy wound up back in the hospital on the 9th because he had difficulty breathing. The xray was initially read by one ER doc that said he had a collapsed lung. The ER lung dr read it and realized it was a huge cancerous mass. When the chemo went toxic back in March of 2016, they didn't put him on anything else, so he was living as NED (no evidence of disease) for a few months. He was back to himself. Joking around, working on his computer, doing yardwork. I got my Daddy back. 'Till I didn't. Daddy was placed on hospice care at home on Sunday the 11th. When the ambulette workers carried him in on a medical chair, he was amazingly still jovial. They stopped in the hallway to figure out how best to get him into the bedroom onto the hospital bed. While sitting there he asked "Where's my little girl?" and from behind him I said "I'm right here". He said "Come closer". So I did, and he again said closer, and when I got close enough he kissed my cheek and tickled my neck, just like he always did. I went back to work on Tuesday the 13th. Scott and I went to the AC Restaurant Week Kickoff that night when I got a call from my Mom in tears saying he's running out of time. It was time to let my boss know I needed to enact the NJFLA - 6 weeks of protected time off to care for a loved one. I worked half a day on the 14th - Valentines Day funny enough, then packed as much as I could carry into my car and went up to Clifton. Last I saw my dad a few days prior, he was having full conversations and joking around. When I got up there, he said hello, then fell right back into his medically-induced sleep. He was in so much pain, but he did what he could to hide it. The cancer was just everywhere. It was eating through his bones - he even had some targeted radiation while in the hospital to try to stave it off. It didn't last long. Mom and I cared for him, cleaned him, changed diapers and clothes. My aunt, his sister Dot came down from upstate NY to help us. I did a lot of lifting, picking him up, scooting him up to the top of the bed. I badly hurt my back in doing this, but honestly, anything for Daddy. Anything to make him comfortable. I officially went out on NJFLA on February 19th; Daddy died "peacefully" around 8am on Friday, February 23rd, surrounded by his family. I couldn't believe it was real.
I'll finish the rest of the year up to the current in the next post. This is all I can handle for now.
October 2017:
Daddy and I were able to take our usual camping trip in Allamuchy mid-October. We only got one day and one night unfortunately, because it was supposed to rain. So we came home early and ate at Cracker Barrel instead. Mom and Dad came down for our joint birthday celebrations, but Daddy was having a real tough time breathing. Later on in the month they discovered he had a PE - blood clot in his lung that made it difficult to breathe. The poor man huffed up a flight of stairs to come to my house. They put him on Warfarin, a blood thinner.
November 2017:
My parents, Scott and I celebrated our joint anniversaries up in North Jersey. Our 4th, their 36th. As predicted, our big family trip to Disney had to be cancelled because the cancer was getting into Daddy's eye, and if he didn't have the laser radiation, he would go blind. Come Thanksgiving, Daddy wasn't feeling great, and although Scott and I were to be hosting, we brought everything with us up to Clifton instead. Scott was a champ and cooked the entire meal, because Mommy wasn't feeling so hot herself. I was glad to see Daddy up and eating, but unlike the usual, he didn't have too many extra helpings of anything, and had to leave the table before anyone else. Black Friday was always for putting up the tree, but since Daddy didn't feel much like it, we just spent the day together as a family.
December 2017:
Scott and I did our caroling in Cape May again. We spent Christmas Eve and Christmas Morning with my parents in Clifton. On a side note, our family has a tradition of eating Christmas Eve Dinner by candlelight. When Mom blows the candle out, if the smoke goes straight up it means that everyone in the room will be together again next year. If the smoke goes towards a door or window, it means not everyone will be together. The smoke went straight up...
New Years Eve Scott and I were fighting colds and my Daddy just felt too sick to travel so we had to spend New Years apart. I was very angry about this, because I'm sick and tired of customers coming in while sick. Stay home and make your payments over the phone for crying out loud. Meanwhile Mommy was not improving. Double vision, ptosis, vertigo. She had trouble driving as well.
January 2018:
Dad went to the ER on January 1st or 2nd, and stayed in the hospital until the 5th, when he was sent to rehab because his legs were weak and he kept falling. He just never looked sick. He eventually came home for a little while, but needed a walker to get around. He occasionally needed help getting off the couch but he was so strong. Somewhere in the middle of this, he was taken from rehab to the ER, and back to rehab. He was incredibly upset about this and had a meltdown in the ER. It was so painful to watch.
I've never seen my father act that way. Unfortunately he had to go back to the ER on the 22nd and was admitted. What happened after that is foggy.
February 2018:
Scott and I took a small break and went to Disney for 3 days. We thought it would be nice to share the fireworks show with our parents, so Scott Facetimed his parents while I did the same for mine. After a few minutes, my Daddy was unable to stay up and just wanted to go to bed, so I said I'd show it to them when we got back and recorded instead. Daddy wound up back in the hospital on the 9th because he had difficulty breathing. The xray was initially read by one ER doc that said he had a collapsed lung. The ER lung dr read it and realized it was a huge cancerous mass. When the chemo went toxic back in March of 2016, they didn't put him on anything else, so he was living as NED (no evidence of disease) for a few months. He was back to himself. Joking around, working on his computer, doing yardwork. I got my Daddy back. 'Till I didn't. Daddy was placed on hospice care at home on Sunday the 11th. When the ambulette workers carried him in on a medical chair, he was amazingly still jovial. They stopped in the hallway to figure out how best to get him into the bedroom onto the hospital bed. While sitting there he asked "Where's my little girl?" and from behind him I said "I'm right here". He said "Come closer". So I did, and he again said closer, and when I got close enough he kissed my cheek and tickled my neck, just like he always did. I went back to work on Tuesday the 13th. Scott and I went to the AC Restaurant Week Kickoff that night when I got a call from my Mom in tears saying he's running out of time. It was time to let my boss know I needed to enact the NJFLA - 6 weeks of protected time off to care for a loved one. I worked half a day on the 14th - Valentines Day funny enough, then packed as much as I could carry into my car and went up to Clifton. Last I saw my dad a few days prior, he was having full conversations and joking around. When I got up there, he said hello, then fell right back into his medically-induced sleep. He was in so much pain, but he did what he could to hide it. The cancer was just everywhere. It was eating through his bones - he even had some targeted radiation while in the hospital to try to stave it off. It didn't last long. Mom and I cared for him, cleaned him, changed diapers and clothes. My aunt, his sister Dot came down from upstate NY to help us. I did a lot of lifting, picking him up, scooting him up to the top of the bed. I badly hurt my back in doing this, but honestly, anything for Daddy. Anything to make him comfortable. I officially went out on NJFLA on February 19th; Daddy died "peacefully" around 8am on Friday, February 23rd, surrounded by his family. I couldn't believe it was real.
I'll finish the rest of the year up to the current in the next post. This is all I can handle for now.