Carve another notch in the pole of failure
I did not get the job. Of course I didn't get the job...it would have been perfect. Too good to be true.
What I really don't need to hear is "god has a plan". Because really, I don't agree with that statement. I think the universe has ideas, but ultimately god gives us tools to complete what we NEED to complete, not what we want. And there is no plan, it's all about action and what you do.
Praying for a job isn't going to get you a job, either. Your skills, who you know and some of what you know are going to get you a job. The part where the blessing comes into play, is that if you are blessed enough to have friends that have connections in this turbulent time. That's the blessing. It is because of a friend that I have my current job, and it's because of a friend that I got an interview in the first place.
That being said, I'm really pissed and hurt. This would have been my big break. Scott and I finally would have gotten out, together. I strongly feel that me getting a job down in south jersey is what I NEED, no longer just what I WANT. The ocean air is easier for me to breathe, traffic congestion is really not an issue and for the most part its just a more pleasant environment. Everyone keeps saying "it just wasn't meant to be, keep looking". So I applied to a couple jobs down there tonight. An accounting job in Little Egg Harbor, and a Home Care position in Manahawkin (non medical, just companionship). But, I can't take just any job. Now that I know Scotts parents won't let me stay at their house, I need to get a job that will pay all my bills and rent. I can't believe they actually said I should get a good job up here...I mean really, was I picking my nose the whole time? Anyway...
Mom said she had a good mother's day, so I'm happy for that. It also happened to be me and Scott's 7th anniversary of our first date. Without thinking of that, I had suggested to Scott that we meet halfway between our houses, just because I wanted to see him so bad. Apparently he felt the same way, and we met just off of exit 105 in Eatontown. I love and miss him so much. We talked about how happy we would be if we could just be together...
Just thinking about that made me cry again. I didn't cry right away when I was told I didn't get the job. To tell you the truth I stopped thinking I had a chance a couple days ago. I'm being serious, it was just too perfect. I started crying when it dawned on me, that we're just not as close as we thought we were to being together again. I said to him, a long distance relationship is fine. A long distance engagement is...ok. But a long distance marriage? There's just no such thing if we ever planned on being happy. It just hurts so bad...
Worse comes to worse, I talked with my parents and they agreed, if I can't find work down in south jersey by the time Scott and I are engaged, we'll invite him to transfer to a Michaels up here and live in our house. Scott told me once upon a time he would transfer up here if I couldn't find work...but I don't want to stay up here forever so we would continue to work at getting me a job down there. I promised Scott he would only have to transfer twice: once up here for wedding planning etc, and then once more back down there as soon as I find a job.
But right now...I'm hurting and I need a hug from Scott. I can't have one. So I'll just cry myself to sleep. And no, I'm not trying to be emo. I'm in pain...
What I really don't need to hear is "god has a plan". Because really, I don't agree with that statement. I think the universe has ideas, but ultimately god gives us tools to complete what we NEED to complete, not what we want. And there is no plan, it's all about action and what you do.
Praying for a job isn't going to get you a job, either. Your skills, who you know and some of what you know are going to get you a job. The part where the blessing comes into play, is that if you are blessed enough to have friends that have connections in this turbulent time. That's the blessing. It is because of a friend that I have my current job, and it's because of a friend that I got an interview in the first place.
That being said, I'm really pissed and hurt. This would have been my big break. Scott and I finally would have gotten out, together. I strongly feel that me getting a job down in south jersey is what I NEED, no longer just what I WANT. The ocean air is easier for me to breathe, traffic congestion is really not an issue and for the most part its just a more pleasant environment. Everyone keeps saying "it just wasn't meant to be, keep looking". So I applied to a couple jobs down there tonight. An accounting job in Little Egg Harbor, and a Home Care position in Manahawkin (non medical, just companionship). But, I can't take just any job. Now that I know Scotts parents won't let me stay at their house, I need to get a job that will pay all my bills and rent. I can't believe they actually said I should get a good job up here...I mean really, was I picking my nose the whole time? Anyway...
Mom said she had a good mother's day, so I'm happy for that. It also happened to be me and Scott's 7th anniversary of our first date. Without thinking of that, I had suggested to Scott that we meet halfway between our houses, just because I wanted to see him so bad. Apparently he felt the same way, and we met just off of exit 105 in Eatontown. I love and miss him so much. We talked about how happy we would be if we could just be together...
Just thinking about that made me cry again. I didn't cry right away when I was told I didn't get the job. To tell you the truth I stopped thinking I had a chance a couple days ago. I'm being serious, it was just too perfect. I started crying when it dawned on me, that we're just not as close as we thought we were to being together again. I said to him, a long distance relationship is fine. A long distance engagement is...ok. But a long distance marriage? There's just no such thing if we ever planned on being happy. It just hurts so bad...
Worse comes to worse, I talked with my parents and they agreed, if I can't find work down in south jersey by the time Scott and I are engaged, we'll invite him to transfer to a Michaels up here and live in our house. Scott told me once upon a time he would transfer up here if I couldn't find work...but I don't want to stay up here forever so we would continue to work at getting me a job down there. I promised Scott he would only have to transfer twice: once up here for wedding planning etc, and then once more back down there as soon as I find a job.
But right now...I'm hurting and I need a hug from Scott. I can't have one. So I'll just cry myself to sleep. And no, I'm not trying to be emo. I'm in pain...