women who want to want

[energeia5]

Interesting article in the NYT regarding current sexology research on women with low sexual desire. Actually, one of the most interesting things, imo, is the discussion about rewriting this section of the DSMV. Another interesting part is the discussion about when/how desire arises

Comments

[akuyura]

Were you raised in an extremely sexually repressed background?

My genii told me that when one perceived anything concerning sexuality to be taboo throughout the formative years, it can lead to a host of other problems later in life. I also think societal double standards inflicted on girls might have been one cause that women become unaware of their own sexual feelings.

[whitewalling]

I don't think I could walk through life being unaware of my sexual feelings even if I tried. Their presence were not something which I could dissociate from. I wonder if this is a function of libido strength (though I don't think I have an extreme sex drive), psychological makeup, self-awareness...

Also I think that opposite ends of the spectrum of normality get pathologised in negative and often misogynistic ways - frigid (and why should any woman be readily available for consumption) vs. slutty (sex is natural like eating and drinking... some have bigger appetites). Having either very low or very high sex drives is nothing to be ashamed of.

BTW - 'genii'?

[akuyura]

*genii* is something I used to explain the lightbulb that goes off around my head :p

I am very aware of my sexual feelings here. Though taking action is a completely different thing altogether....I just wonder if something that has constrained me *in action* could apply on a more mental level for some others.

[akuyura]

I mean...I couldn't flirt even if I wanted to, even badly so. I froze...and on the rare instances that I took the initiative usually the effect is completely unnatural, and the other party was very aware of it.

[whitewalling]

Ah :) re. genii - cool.

I didn't realise that you were speaking from your personal experience in your comments - you know me, social first and population focused.

I wonder if your social last zero to hero approach places undue pressure on yourself to create a strong and continuing connection after the initial sparks, at first or second contact. And that you hold these attempts at making connections to higher ideals (and therefore are more disappointment if reality falls short). Thinking out loud ...

[energeia5]

Well, I was raised Catholic, which I'd classify as moderately repressive. I was chastised as a kid for overt sexuality, so got some personalized repression training. Add on to this confusion about sexuality in my teens, and horrid dating experience.

[akuyura]

Have you felt your libido acting out toward anyone in your whole life? Have you ever felt obsessed with anyone because of the ways they made you feel?

[energeia5]

Oh, definitely. Although not lately.
First I remember was Gregory King when I was about 7 or 8.
Then a girl at summer camp when I was 15.
Then my high school chemistry teacher. Were it not for him, I suspect that I'd never have majored in chemistry and I'd have had a whole different life.

For the above, the libido was active, but my sense of sexuality per se was vague. Definitely not literal.

Then, when I was more aware of sexuality, several people in grad school, especially one woman who, when she rejected me, I lost ~30 lbs--it was like my whole body shut down. That one was the worst.

I have been unlucky in love.
Or maybe I should say that I have been exceedingly unlucky in sex.

[akuyura]

Then you know how it feels like...only that it happens infrequently.

If you lost 30 Ibs over someone I think it's rather powerful.