(no subject)
It's been known for years that sex is good exercise, but until recently nobody had made a scientific study of the caloric expenditure of different sexual activities. Now, for the first time in the Western World, here are the true caloric benefits of sex.
REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With consent.................12 Calories
Without consent.............187 Calories
OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands..............8 Calories
With one hand...............12 Calories
With your teeth.............85 Calories
PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection.................6 Calories
Without an erection............315 Calories
PRELIMINARIES:
Trying to find the clitoris......8 Calories
Trying to find the G-Spot........92 Calories
POSITIONS:
Missionary.......................12 Calories
69 lying down................. 78 Calories
69 standing up..................112 Calories
Wheelbarrow.....................216 Calories
Doggy Style.................... 326 Calories
Italian Chandelier............. 912 Calories
ORGASM:
Real............................112 Calories
False...........................315 Calories
POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging............ 18 Calories
Getting up immediately.......... 36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately.....816 Calories
GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:
If you are: 20-29 years old................... 36 Calories
30-39 years........................80 Calories
40-49 years...................... 124 Calories
50-59 years.......................972 Calories
60-69 years......................2916 Calories
70 and over.......................Death
DRESSING AFTERWARDS:
Calmly............................32 Calories
In a hurry........................98 Calories
With her FATHER knocking at the door..............1218 Calories
REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With consent.................12 Calories
Without consent.............187 Calories
OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands..............8 Calories
With one hand...............12 Calories
With your teeth.............85 Calories
PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection.................6 Calories
Without an erection............315 Calories
PRELIMINARIES:
Trying to find the clitoris......8 Calories
Trying to find the G-Spot........92 Calories
POSITIONS:
Missionary.......................12 Calories
69 lying down................. 78 Calories
69 standing up..................112 Calories
Wheelbarrow.....................216 Calories
Doggy Style.................... 326 Calories
Italian Chandelier............. 912 Calories
ORGASM:
Real............................112 Calories
False...........................315 Calories
POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging............ 18 Calories
Getting up immediately.......... 36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately.....816 Calories
GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:
If you are: 20-29 years old................... 36 Calories
30-39 years........................80 Calories
40-49 years...................... 124 Calories
50-59 years.......................972 Calories
60-69 years......................2916 Calories
70 and over.......................Death
DRESSING AFTERWARDS:
Calmly............................32 Calories
In a hurry........................98 Calories
With her FATHER knocking at the door..............1218 Calories