Again, I am here.
And yet again, I have lost a potential friend due to my mouth.
But man, why does everyone take me so literally? And people take shit so personally? It wasn't anything about YOU!
BUT AGAIN, I shouldn't have said anything myself, seeing as how I said it out of pure spite for someone not even involved and someone I shouldn't even GIVE A SHIT ABOUT.
Whatever, moving on, I just have to watch to make sure I don't keep making the same mistakes.
Been living the sober/clean life and it has been good to me.
I managed to put together almost 3 months, but then, I blew it by thinking if I took enough Dramamine I could hallucinate and escape what I think is such a shitty life.
5 pills and all I did was fall asleep, what a let down.
BUT WHAT A MESSAGE.
Basically, HP says, hey...you're not going to get any relief from this, so you might as well keep trying.
That was Tuesday night.
Wednesday night, I went to a meeting down on 44 at the Methodist Church.
The topic was Step 8 (I think?) and all about humility.
Man, did I need something like that.
I need humility to surrender to this disease of the mind and body.
There were many ladies there too, that I already knew...and one of them, who I think I've known since I first walked into the rooms, got a schedule book and had every woman in that meeting write their number on it for me!
That was SO thoughtful.
Again, I felt the comforting, loving energy this program can and WILL provide.
With that said, I came home and there was basically a blow out on Tom's end.
Not sure why...
He was fine with me GOING ..but when I got home... I don't know.
He was telling me something and I responded with, "Oh, they do?"
Just...you know, casually.
So he then jumps down my throat about it and said I had anattitude that I could take back to AA, cuz apparently they are all fake there.
What whaa? What just happened?
So I told him, very calmly, "Why don't you look at yourself, instead of blaming AA?"
Well, he scoffed at that and went to bed..for which I was grateful. I already had enough on my mind and I didn't need his shit to bring me down further.
Thats the thing though! I DIDN'T LET HIS SHIT BRING ME DOWN!
It's been pretty bad lately...his anger, his insecurities. Just everything.
I am seriously considering separation, I know I've said it a million times before, but I don't know how much more of this I can take...and not just me, but the kids.
But man, why does everyone take me so literally? And people take shit so personally? It wasn't anything about YOU!
BUT AGAIN, I shouldn't have said anything myself, seeing as how I said it out of pure spite for someone not even involved and someone I shouldn't even GIVE A SHIT ABOUT.
Whatever, moving on, I just have to watch to make sure I don't keep making the same mistakes.
Been living the sober/clean life and it has been good to me.
I managed to put together almost 3 months, but then, I blew it by thinking if I took enough Dramamine I could hallucinate and escape what I think is such a shitty life.
5 pills and all I did was fall asleep, what a let down.
BUT WHAT A MESSAGE.
Basically, HP says, hey...you're not going to get any relief from this, so you might as well keep trying.
That was Tuesday night.
Wednesday night, I went to a meeting down on 44 at the Methodist Church.
The topic was Step 8 (I think?) and all about humility.
Man, did I need something like that.
I need humility to surrender to this disease of the mind and body.
There were many ladies there too, that I already knew...and one of them, who I think I've known since I first walked into the rooms, got a schedule book and had every woman in that meeting write their number on it for me!
That was SO thoughtful.
Again, I felt the comforting, loving energy this program can and WILL provide.
With that said, I came home and there was basically a blow out on Tom's end.
Not sure why...
He was fine with me GOING ..but when I got home... I don't know.
He was telling me something and I responded with, "Oh, they do?"
Just...you know, casually.
So he then jumps down my throat about it and said I had anattitude that I could take back to AA, cuz apparently they are all fake there.
What whaa? What just happened?
So I told him, very calmly, "Why don't you look at yourself, instead of blaming AA?"
Well, he scoffed at that and went to bed..for which I was grateful. I already had enough on my mind and I didn't need his shit to bring me down further.
Thats the thing though! I DIDN'T LET HIS SHIT BRING ME DOWN!
It's been pretty bad lately...his anger, his insecurities. Just everything.
I am seriously considering separation, I know I've said it a million times before, but I don't know how much more of this I can take...and not just me, but the kids.