talk over the radio, crying sounds, dying sounds
Title: in the eyes of the angel
Fandom: harry potter rpg
Characters: cameron caddock, oliver greenwood
Pairing: cameron/oliver
Warnings: mature
Summary:they are separate entities now and the space in between them is undefined
It starts with a clock.
5 am.
It reads a tantrum, microwave noises and eventually an argument over who will take Casper.
She wants to live in the duvet, sheathed in warmth.
But there is a small child and she remembers that this is no longer a matter of managing time but of reminding herself that she no longer belongs to herself. Will not, ever again, belong to herself.
She's sexless, pointless, earning less than the minimum wage and she can't remember the last time she had a shower.
Another cry and she gets up. The sky is tinged pink and red.
She thinks that she used to enjoy sex. It used to be a highlight of her day. They were pretty creative, really.
She remembers nails clawing up the inside of her thighs, sweat that made cold nights seem temperate and that constant need for more, more, the way her name would elongate the space between time and reality in that short synapse of pleasure where she was removed from the world she would curve into her spine, surrendering to him.
Now, it is a matter of arranging a babysitter and a time and an effort. It used to be arguments over who was on top and now, she thinks, that she wouldn't even care if she didn't finish. It was just an example of we did make an effort.
But the boy is an angel. His smile is so perfect she seriously wonders if he was swapped at birth. His beauty jars her self esteem and she feels even more worthless in the eyes of a child whose innocence hasn't yet been shaken off by life. He stares at her like she is wonder. Like she is selfless. Stares at her like everything she is not.
Tuesdays, always tuesdays, tucked into the duvet, shivering in the middle of summer about a Doctor who ruined her life.
Casper turns three and Poppy turns one and because Cameron is always late to everything she celebrates their birthdays - almost 5 months apart, together because that's how it is. They share a birthday cake and everyone is confused because neither child is thirteen.
But Torin laughs because he gets it and whispers quietly that 'sleep is synonymous with single'.
But later, putting the two of them to sleep, Casper lifts up his arms and blows her a wet kiss, bath water sloshing over the rim of the tub.
'I love you mama.'
And she's still sexless, dishevelled, sweat and spit ingrained in her bones but in the eyes of this child, she's worth something.
It continues with a clock.
7 am.
But she's okay with the way her title has changed.
Mama, isn't so much of a curse.
Fandom: harry potter rpg
Characters: cameron caddock, oliver greenwood
Pairing: cameron/oliver
Warnings: mature
Summary:they are separate entities now and the space in between them is undefined
It starts with a clock.
5 am.
It reads a tantrum, microwave noises and eventually an argument over who will take Casper.
She wants to live in the duvet, sheathed in warmth.
But there is a small child and she remembers that this is no longer a matter of managing time but of reminding herself that she no longer belongs to herself. Will not, ever again, belong to herself.
She's sexless, pointless, earning less than the minimum wage and she can't remember the last time she had a shower.
Another cry and she gets up. The sky is tinged pink and red.
She thinks that she used to enjoy sex. It used to be a highlight of her day. They were pretty creative, really.
She remembers nails clawing up the inside of her thighs, sweat that made cold nights seem temperate and that constant need for more, more, the way her name would elongate the space between time and reality in that short synapse of pleasure where she was removed from the world she would curve into her spine, surrendering to him.
Now, it is a matter of arranging a babysitter and a time and an effort. It used to be arguments over who was on top and now, she thinks, that she wouldn't even care if she didn't finish. It was just an example of we did make an effort.
But the boy is an angel. His smile is so perfect she seriously wonders if he was swapped at birth. His beauty jars her self esteem and she feels even more worthless in the eyes of a child whose innocence hasn't yet been shaken off by life. He stares at her like she is wonder. Like she is selfless. Stares at her like everything she is not.
Tuesdays, always tuesdays, tucked into the duvet, shivering in the middle of summer about a Doctor who ruined her life.
Casper turns three and Poppy turns one and because Cameron is always late to everything she celebrates their birthdays - almost 5 months apart, together because that's how it is. They share a birthday cake and everyone is confused because neither child is thirteen.
But Torin laughs because he gets it and whispers quietly that 'sleep is synonymous with single'.
But later, putting the two of them to sleep, Casper lifts up his arms and blows her a wet kiss, bath water sloshing over the rim of the tub.
'I love you mama.'
And she's still sexless, dishevelled, sweat and spit ingrained in her bones but in the eyes of this child, she's worth something.
It continues with a clock.
7 am.
But she's okay with the way her title has changed.
Mama, isn't so much of a curse.