all you never wanted, all you never wished to get
Title: All You Never Wanted
Fandom: Glee
Characters: Emma Pillsbury, Will Schuester
Pairing: Emma Pillsbury/Will Schuester
Genre/Rating: Romance, Fluff, Hurt, PG
Summary: She used to be a girl. Average, similar, mediocre. Everything anybody had never wanted. But then thing's changed.
+
She wishes she could explain the loneliness that seems to seize her like the fog on a crisp morning. The same way it spreads over the grass, she feels the stiffling feeling of abandonment pervade her thoughts. It echoes the disappointments of the people around her and as they turn their backs to her, she feels everything she ever wanted to achieve; the dreams and the wishes and the hopes drift down beside her into piles of regret ( to her left ), failure (to her right) and repentance (glaring straight at her).
Sometimes, on particularly difficult days, she's able to sit up straight again and push away the baggage. She neatly packs it away, putting it safely away next to everything else she's in denial about. Her mind is a maze of bludgeoned, bruised and exhausted memories that split at the seams of their containers and fray her nerves.
She's always been nervous but the years are catching up with her and it shows in the bitten nails and slight twitching.
"Emma?"
She hums a tune to herself and acts out adequate amounts of 'suprised' when they yell out Happy Birthday. The room feels claustrophobic, the furniture is infested with germs and the lack of disinfectant fumes gives her a headache. Somewhere she swears she hears someone say 'you're stronger than this' but the feeling of inferiority quashes any hopes of protagonism and she collapses.
-
"She'll be fine."
"Are you sure?"
"Mr Schuester, your partner had a panic attack. There's no need for alarm. She just needs some bed rest. Sleep is something you could use too. Get some rest, she'll be up soon."
He paces and she can't pretend to sleep any longer.
"Emma."
The relief in his voice makes her feel worse, like she's inflicted some pain on him that is irrefutable.
He's sunny and smiley, but he looks at her with pity when she get's antsy about the hospital grade disinfectant.
"It could be dirty."
He nods.
But he doesn't really understand. And neither does Emma, really. But the sweats, rapid heart rate and stuttering are enough to placate her to just go along with her condition.
-
Sometimes when she feels like the constriction in her throat isn't so oppressive, she pries open her lunch bag and stares at the contents. Sometimes she'll ignore the hand wipes and the disinfectant and she try and push herself to touch the food inside. It will be a laborious task and sometimes the mental exertion would tire her out so much she'd give up and end up caving in.
But other times, she'd be able to stomach it. Just a little bit - sometimes it was only a bite but it was a start.
And a start, to Emma, was like a mile.
Fandom: Glee
Characters: Emma Pillsbury, Will Schuester
Pairing: Emma Pillsbury/Will Schuester
Genre/Rating: Romance, Fluff, Hurt, PG
Summary: She used to be a girl. Average, similar, mediocre. Everything anybody had never wanted. But then thing's changed.
+
She wishes she could explain the loneliness that seems to seize her like the fog on a crisp morning. The same way it spreads over the grass, she feels the stiffling feeling of abandonment pervade her thoughts. It echoes the disappointments of the people around her and as they turn their backs to her, she feels everything she ever wanted to achieve; the dreams and the wishes and the hopes drift down beside her into piles of regret ( to her left ), failure (to her right) and repentance (glaring straight at her).
Sometimes, on particularly difficult days, she's able to sit up straight again and push away the baggage. She neatly packs it away, putting it safely away next to everything else she's in denial about. Her mind is a maze of bludgeoned, bruised and exhausted memories that split at the seams of their containers and fray her nerves.
She's always been nervous but the years are catching up with her and it shows in the bitten nails and slight twitching.
"Emma?"
She hums a tune to herself and acts out adequate amounts of 'suprised' when they yell out Happy Birthday. The room feels claustrophobic, the furniture is infested with germs and the lack of disinfectant fumes gives her a headache. Somewhere she swears she hears someone say 'you're stronger than this' but the feeling of inferiority quashes any hopes of protagonism and she collapses.
-
"She'll be fine."
"Are you sure?"
"Mr Schuester, your partner had a panic attack. There's no need for alarm. She just needs some bed rest. Sleep is something you could use too. Get some rest, she'll be up soon."
He paces and she can't pretend to sleep any longer.
"Emma."
The relief in his voice makes her feel worse, like she's inflicted some pain on him that is irrefutable.
He's sunny and smiley, but he looks at her with pity when she get's antsy about the hospital grade disinfectant.
"It could be dirty."
He nods.
But he doesn't really understand. And neither does Emma, really. But the sweats, rapid heart rate and stuttering are enough to placate her to just go along with her condition.
-
Sometimes when she feels like the constriction in her throat isn't so oppressive, she pries open her lunch bag and stares at the contents. Sometimes she'll ignore the hand wipes and the disinfectant and she try and push herself to touch the food inside. It will be a laborious task and sometimes the mental exertion would tire her out so much she'd give up and end up caving in.
But other times, she'd be able to stomach it. Just a little bit - sometimes it was only a bite but it was a start.
And a start, to Emma, was like a mile.