Metaphorical Polisher
We live, I regret to say, in an age of surfaces
-Oscar Wilde
Imagine, if you will. A gentleman cooks a romantic dinner, sets out candles, picks a movie, and has everything ready. The boyfriend calls and says that he can no longer make it--several people quit at work and that he has to cover their shifts. The boyfriend says that it is not his fault. The gentleman is understandably hurt. He says that the boyfriend could have demanded the time, and if they were really that short of people, the boyfriend would be in a good position to argue. It doesn't matter, the gentleman continues, because the whole thing is a sign of how important the relationship is to the boyfriend. The gentleman dumps the boyfriend, and goes off, and is sad, but simply talks about the break-up with someone he doesn't know and that he's only chatted with twice over an instant messenger. Why was this gentleman enamored in the first place? Because the man was cute, and sweet, and could melt him with his eyes.
The situation could be deconstructed a great number of different ways. Perhaps the dinner was a set-up, a purposeful attempt at creating an issue. Perhaps it was a desperate plea. Perhaps it grew in importance in the retelling. And this boyfriend? There was a lot he could have done to make the situation better. For one, he could have apologized. Taken responsibility. Done something, or anything to show that he cared. Maybe he simply didn't, or maybe his boss was just being a tremendous pompous ass. In any case, the weren't communicating. They didn't know each other near as well as they might have wanted to. Maybe it simply didn't occur to them. Maybe they expect that it's the appearance, and the act, that makes the relationship. But I am speculating too much. The gentleman is intelligent, and also considerate, at least on the surface. Yet he is outgoing enough that he always feels uncomfortable when nothing is being said. He talks, but somehow misses the communication. And in any case, he talks so simply and plainly out of something that was supposedly meant a great deal to him. He uses the same tone of voice that I use when I describe a mediocre to stressful day at school or work. Perhaps even more dispassionate. Something just doesn't add up.
Or consider a woman, upset at seeing her former boyfriend sitting at a table with his wife, across the food court from her. "Scooby-Doo", she growls at me. "She is just hideous. I can't understand why he sands her". Well, somehow he obviously stood her enough to marry her, even before this relationship with this woman. "I don't get what's wrong with him". Never once in this entire conversation did she say why she loved him, not that it was likely to be reciprocated at any rate. All she has is her anger at him. What else did she expect from him? Did she really expect him to choose her over his wife? Did she really expect him to settle with her? Well, that I can't answer. But she feeds on drama. She feeds on the game, like most people I see.
I crave sincerity, or at least I like to think I do. But surfaces often seem so much more simple. Well… that’s because they are. The problems are simple, and the solutions even more so. But would it ever be satisfying? I don’t know. I have never found a surface that I would not slip off of. Even now, I feel as though I can do little but watch the successes and failures of those I see around me, and hope that I can learn from them.
-Oscar Wilde
Imagine, if you will. A gentleman cooks a romantic dinner, sets out candles, picks a movie, and has everything ready. The boyfriend calls and says that he can no longer make it--several people quit at work and that he has to cover their shifts. The boyfriend says that it is not his fault. The gentleman is understandably hurt. He says that the boyfriend could have demanded the time, and if they were really that short of people, the boyfriend would be in a good position to argue. It doesn't matter, the gentleman continues, because the whole thing is a sign of how important the relationship is to the boyfriend. The gentleman dumps the boyfriend, and goes off, and is sad, but simply talks about the break-up with someone he doesn't know and that he's only chatted with twice over an instant messenger. Why was this gentleman enamored in the first place? Because the man was cute, and sweet, and could melt him with his eyes.
The situation could be deconstructed a great number of different ways. Perhaps the dinner was a set-up, a purposeful attempt at creating an issue. Perhaps it was a desperate plea. Perhaps it grew in importance in the retelling. And this boyfriend? There was a lot he could have done to make the situation better. For one, he could have apologized. Taken responsibility. Done something, or anything to show that he cared. Maybe he simply didn't, or maybe his boss was just being a tremendous pompous ass. In any case, the weren't communicating. They didn't know each other near as well as they might have wanted to. Maybe it simply didn't occur to them. Maybe they expect that it's the appearance, and the act, that makes the relationship. But I am speculating too much. The gentleman is intelligent, and also considerate, at least on the surface. Yet he is outgoing enough that he always feels uncomfortable when nothing is being said. He talks, but somehow misses the communication. And in any case, he talks so simply and plainly out of something that was supposedly meant a great deal to him. He uses the same tone of voice that I use when I describe a mediocre to stressful day at school or work. Perhaps even more dispassionate. Something just doesn't add up.
Or consider a woman, upset at seeing her former boyfriend sitting at a table with his wife, across the food court from her. "Scooby-Doo", she growls at me. "She is just hideous. I can't understand why he sands her". Well, somehow he obviously stood her enough to marry her, even before this relationship with this woman. "I don't get what's wrong with him". Never once in this entire conversation did she say why she loved him, not that it was likely to be reciprocated at any rate. All she has is her anger at him. What else did she expect from him? Did she really expect him to choose her over his wife? Did she really expect him to settle with her? Well, that I can't answer. But she feeds on drama. She feeds on the game, like most people I see.
I crave sincerity, or at least I like to think I do. But surfaces often seem so much more simple. Well… that’s because they are. The problems are simple, and the solutions even more so. But would it ever be satisfying? I don’t know. I have never found a surface that I would not slip off of. Even now, I feel as though I can do little but watch the successes and failures of those I see around me, and hope that I can learn from them.