Attainable
I just wrote what I felt was an encouraging entry about my spiritual goals.
But at the end I realized that I based it off a worldly saying instead of a biblical one.
So I got discouraged and I erased it.
I get discouraged so easily.
I always feel shameful or guilty about something.
No matter what is going on in my life.
If that wasn't enough, it makes me sad and frustrated that I allow Satan to discourage me.
Sometimes you feel like you can't win.
Never feel like you do enough good.
Always feel like you do too much bad.
Sometimes I feel guilty about writing in here instead of praying. I mean, I pray, but sometimes after I write I forget to pray about it because I already expressed myself.
I can't remember not feeling guilty since 2nd grade. Its not that I'm a terrible person. Its just sometimes I get so angry that I can never be who I want to be. I know perfection is impossible, but I feel like I'm obligated to pursue it tirelessly. Everyone wants to always be right. I've always wanted perfection and I always am so far off. It hurts. Sometimes it makes you want to stop trying.
As far back as I can remember fully, I was always a black or white person, it was always all or nothing. I never cared about toy shopping because when I was little I only wanted a Nintendo and I knew I'd never get one. So ToysRUs never had any special appeal. It was all junk to me. I didn't pout, it just took me forever to choose a toy or my brother picked one for me. I never had an extraordinary problem with not getting what I want. I learned quickly that sometimes thats the way it is. The thing is I knew I'd never have something, but I never gave it up, I never gave up hope. I teased myself. And in some ways that chipped off bits of my soul. I was OK with giving up my hopes and dreams. They never stopped being my dreams though and thats what hurt. I never fully developed the ability to deal with rejection, I just accepted it without giving my feelings much consideration. All I knew was that they must be wrong.
I know myself much better now, but I still have problems in giving up my desires.
I know I can't be perfect, I know I can't do or have certain things, but I still fantasize, I still hope and wish and dream. And it is all so detrimental. Its poison. And I need to clear it from my system. It's a problem I've had since I was little, maybe its something very natural or commonplace, I don't know, but I know I need to clean up my attitude.
But at the end I realized that I based it off a worldly saying instead of a biblical one.
So I got discouraged and I erased it.
I get discouraged so easily.
I always feel shameful or guilty about something.
No matter what is going on in my life.
If that wasn't enough, it makes me sad and frustrated that I allow Satan to discourage me.
Sometimes you feel like you can't win.
Never feel like you do enough good.
Always feel like you do too much bad.
Sometimes I feel guilty about writing in here instead of praying. I mean, I pray, but sometimes after I write I forget to pray about it because I already expressed myself.
I can't remember not feeling guilty since 2nd grade. Its not that I'm a terrible person. Its just sometimes I get so angry that I can never be who I want to be. I know perfection is impossible, but I feel like I'm obligated to pursue it tirelessly. Everyone wants to always be right. I've always wanted perfection and I always am so far off. It hurts. Sometimes it makes you want to stop trying.
As far back as I can remember fully, I was always a black or white person, it was always all or nothing. I never cared about toy shopping because when I was little I only wanted a Nintendo and I knew I'd never get one. So ToysRUs never had any special appeal. It was all junk to me. I didn't pout, it just took me forever to choose a toy or my brother picked one for me. I never had an extraordinary problem with not getting what I want. I learned quickly that sometimes thats the way it is. The thing is I knew I'd never have something, but I never gave it up, I never gave up hope. I teased myself. And in some ways that chipped off bits of my soul. I was OK with giving up my hopes and dreams. They never stopped being my dreams though and thats what hurt. I never fully developed the ability to deal with rejection, I just accepted it without giving my feelings much consideration. All I knew was that they must be wrong.
I know myself much better now, but I still have problems in giving up my desires.
I know I can't be perfect, I know I can't do or have certain things, but I still fantasize, I still hope and wish and dream. And it is all so detrimental. Its poison. And I need to clear it from my system. It's a problem I've had since I was little, maybe its something very natural or commonplace, I don't know, but I know I need to clean up my attitude.