Lugubriosity
My mother's side of the family has a long history of depression.
I had one long depression for about all of 8th grade. It spilled over into 7th and 9th as well. It all began going downhill in 6th grade. It started with a girl and then it manifested itself in other places.
It was a very strong feeling. I wanted to curl up in a ball because I was concerned over how much space in the universe I was taking. It was far too much. I felt absolutely worthless. I didn't have a blog and I would write terrible, depressing, little notes to myself in my notebook. Or I'd scribble nonsense. I craved attention, I was so lonely. No one was my friend. Every day brought new reasons as to why I should be ashamed of myself, as to why my existence only brought down the entire universe. I hated myself.
In 9th grade my self-confidence was finally restored. Afterward, I knew I could never allow myself to get that low again. I knew it would just be impossible. I would not allow it and I never have and I never will.
Maybe its a somewhat normal thing for teenagers to be abnormally depressed? I don't know. But there are some things I learned from my very long bout of depression.
1) I am vain.
2) I need to socialize often.
3) I need to be alone and meditate.
4) I can have some control over my feelings.
5) I have strong reasoning abilities.
I realized my vanity after I lost so much weight in 9th grade. Its amazing how much my confidence is tied into whether I look good or not.
I told no one of my struggles and it killed me. I found I need to socialize, I need to divulge, I need to share myself. I started my journal that year.
I found out all the benefits I could have when I was alone to meditate on myself and improve myself instead of being influenced by outside factors.
I learned that if I kept pushing myself to feel or not feel a certain way, it had a profound effect.
I could reason anything to continue my depression and I was too weak to see through it. I found my reasoning techniques though were quite sound.
I had one long depression for about all of 8th grade. It spilled over into 7th and 9th as well. It all began going downhill in 6th grade. It started with a girl and then it manifested itself in other places.
It was a very strong feeling. I wanted to curl up in a ball because I was concerned over how much space in the universe I was taking. It was far too much. I felt absolutely worthless. I didn't have a blog and I would write terrible, depressing, little notes to myself in my notebook. Or I'd scribble nonsense. I craved attention, I was so lonely. No one was my friend. Every day brought new reasons as to why I should be ashamed of myself, as to why my existence only brought down the entire universe. I hated myself.
In 9th grade my self-confidence was finally restored. Afterward, I knew I could never allow myself to get that low again. I knew it would just be impossible. I would not allow it and I never have and I never will.
Maybe its a somewhat normal thing for teenagers to be abnormally depressed? I don't know. But there are some things I learned from my very long bout of depression.
1) I am vain.
2) I need to socialize often.
3) I need to be alone and meditate.
4) I can have some control over my feelings.
5) I have strong reasoning abilities.
I realized my vanity after I lost so much weight in 9th grade. Its amazing how much my confidence is tied into whether I look good or not.
I told no one of my struggles and it killed me. I found I need to socialize, I need to divulge, I need to share myself. I started my journal that year.
I found out all the benefits I could have when I was alone to meditate on myself and improve myself instead of being influenced by outside factors.
I learned that if I kept pushing myself to feel or not feel a certain way, it had a profound effect.
I could reason anything to continue my depression and I was too weak to see through it. I found my reasoning techniques though were quite sound.