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A Thesis on the Taking Up of Feet for the Competition-Game of the Super-Ball, Being a Summation of Months of Competition Betwixt Two Opposing Squadrons of Great Size and Virility - by Johannes B. Mailey of Scotsmenburgland
The author has taken a great many trips abroad in order to learn of the ritualƒ and customƒ of numerous people and cultures [sic] abroade. It is here, then, that he is pleased to discuƒs an annual ritual of the people of the Americas, which is known, only, in his knowledge, and to the beƒt of his capacity, as The Super-Ball.
The Super-Ball, as it is called, is a competition-game which is the culmination of a tournament lasting through the previous year’s harvest season. During this, the aforementioned, two squadrons from opposing regions sojourn in the place of competition, where one squadron is chosen to poƒseƒs a gaming-sack which appears to be the topic of the game.
The gaming-sack (an air filled, leathern semisphere), is at first given to the aptly named “Backer of Quarts”. This he is thus named on account of his employment as one who supports (e.g., “backs”) his fellow squadron mates, who are quite hefty and poƒseƒs a volume of many quarts (if the reader has properly attained an understanding of the author’s meaning).
Confusingly, the Backer of Quarts disposes of the sack almost immediately, dispensing it unto a varying number of places: from the mighty White Prongs on either end of the competition field (which is of a nearly unimaginable size and volume itself) to his fellow team mates (who rudely snatch it from his poƒseƒsion and often give it to their fellow squadron fellowes).
However, as it is the topic and subject of the game of Super-Ball, it appears that, for reasons unknown to the author, the opposing, guest squadron inadvertently comes into poƒseƒsion of the gaming-sack and believes it to belong to they, the guests, perhaps as some sort of gift.
The reasons such maƒs confusion occur are hotly debated among all good, civilized Christians. It appears, at first glance, that the noble savages believe that their hosts, the initial sack-holding squadron, owe them some form of note or object of hospitality, namely the leathern sack in question which is so desired. However, even upon receiving the object of their desire, the guests beat and prod their opponents, who at first were friendly and sought conversation through the customary “shouting of numbers” which occurs before each match. Thus, the true nature of this “Sack Madneƒs” as modern physician-doctors know it, remains shrouded in mystery, perhaps to be revealed in latter days when these maƒsive men are made into proper Christian citizens.
The author digreƒses, however, and focuses upon the game. Once all friendlineƒs has been put aside due to the SACK MADNEƑS previously mentioned, the two squadrons battle quite furiously, each seeking to touch the sack down upon the opposite end of the field from whence they began playing. Why they would prefer to hustle thusly acroƒs the graƒsy field escapes the author. Indeed, if he were in a similar situation (as terrific as the thought is, as stands), he would simply remove the sack from the field, perhaps nearer to the lines on the side of the field, or one’s own team-end, for safekeeping.
However, this is not the case. As the two squadrons battle on, onlookers gather and put on a terrific sight. Ululations in hot tongues fill the competition-ring and cause one’s ears to ring mightily, making all words and sounds otherwise audible inaudible, much to the author’s chagrin.
The constitution of the Super-Ballman is constantly challenged. While it is understandably neceƒsary for him to hurry acroƒs the field so as to protect his person and his squadron-mates, he heedleƒsly attacks innocent runners by, who have done nothing to provoke him. These are indeed an irrational people who have not yet heard the word of His Glory And His Savior Jesus Christ Be His Name In Heaven Reigning Down Upon Us With His Mightineƒs.
As the competition game comes to a close many grueling hours later, the squadron leader of the victorious team is sacrificed before the crowd. This practice is especially confusing and altogether boggling to the whole of the mind of the author. While it is clear that there is some perverse pleasure derived henceforth from the Super-Ball game, it escapes the author all-together why a man should struggle so hard to attain so much only to have his flesh and blood removed painfully from his person before a crowd of shouting, panting savages.
It is the author’s understanding, however, that these people simply mean to appease their sun god, Marduk, by satisfying him with a plentiful gift of blood and skin. These ignorant fools believe that any heretic god other than Our Lord can bring night and day and each year upon them, and thus destroy the life of a strong, powerful man in order to ensure that their society - and indeed the whole of the world - continues unmolested.
It is thus that the Super-Ball occurs: First two squadrons come together, in peace (it seems), but come into conflict over the poƒseƒsion of a sacred object - the Gaming Sack - which results in Sack Madneƒs, which sends each squadron-man into a mad fervor, to the viewing publick’s great satisfaction. The game’s conclusion results in the utter termination of a human life, however sinful, for the sake of a pagan god.
The author wishes to request more miƒsionaries to be sent hither, with perhaps more soldiers and steel and horses, as conversion seems the only plausible, and indeed the only action of moral correctitude, which can be taken under these tragic, violent, and terrific circumstances.
The author has taken a great many trips abroad in order to learn of the ritualƒ and customƒ of numerous people and cultures [sic] abroade. It is here, then, that he is pleased to discuƒs an annual ritual of the people of the Americas, which is known, only, in his knowledge, and to the beƒt of his capacity, as The Super-Ball.
The Super-Ball, as it is called, is a competition-game which is the culmination of a tournament lasting through the previous year’s harvest season. During this, the aforementioned, two squadrons from opposing regions sojourn in the place of competition, where one squadron is chosen to poƒseƒs a gaming-sack which appears to be the topic of the game.
The gaming-sack (an air filled, leathern semisphere), is at first given to the aptly named “Backer of Quarts”. This he is thus named on account of his employment as one who supports (e.g., “backs”) his fellow squadron mates, who are quite hefty and poƒseƒs a volume of many quarts (if the reader has properly attained an understanding of the author’s meaning).
Confusingly, the Backer of Quarts disposes of the sack almost immediately, dispensing it unto a varying number of places: from the mighty White Prongs on either end of the competition field (which is of a nearly unimaginable size and volume itself) to his fellow team mates (who rudely snatch it from his poƒseƒsion and often give it to their fellow squadron fellowes).
However, as it is the topic and subject of the game of Super-Ball, it appears that, for reasons unknown to the author, the opposing, guest squadron inadvertently comes into poƒseƒsion of the gaming-sack and believes it to belong to they, the guests, perhaps as some sort of gift.
The reasons such maƒs confusion occur are hotly debated among all good, civilized Christians. It appears, at first glance, that the noble savages believe that their hosts, the initial sack-holding squadron, owe them some form of note or object of hospitality, namely the leathern sack in question which is so desired. However, even upon receiving the object of their desire, the guests beat and prod their opponents, who at first were friendly and sought conversation through the customary “shouting of numbers” which occurs before each match. Thus, the true nature of this “Sack Madneƒs” as modern physician-doctors know it, remains shrouded in mystery, perhaps to be revealed in latter days when these maƒsive men are made into proper Christian citizens.
The author digreƒses, however, and focuses upon the game. Once all friendlineƒs has been put aside due to the SACK MADNEƑS previously mentioned, the two squadrons battle quite furiously, each seeking to touch the sack down upon the opposite end of the field from whence they began playing. Why they would prefer to hustle thusly acroƒs the graƒsy field escapes the author. Indeed, if he were in a similar situation (as terrific as the thought is, as stands), he would simply remove the sack from the field, perhaps nearer to the lines on the side of the field, or one’s own team-end, for safekeeping.
However, this is not the case. As the two squadrons battle on, onlookers gather and put on a terrific sight. Ululations in hot tongues fill the competition-ring and cause one’s ears to ring mightily, making all words and sounds otherwise audible inaudible, much to the author’s chagrin.
The constitution of the Super-Ballman is constantly challenged. While it is understandably neceƒsary for him to hurry acroƒs the field so as to protect his person and his squadron-mates, he heedleƒsly attacks innocent runners by, who have done nothing to provoke him. These are indeed an irrational people who have not yet heard the word of His Glory And His Savior Jesus Christ Be His Name In Heaven Reigning Down Upon Us With His Mightineƒs.
As the competition game comes to a close many grueling hours later, the squadron leader of the victorious team is sacrificed before the crowd. This practice is especially confusing and altogether boggling to the whole of the mind of the author. While it is clear that there is some perverse pleasure derived henceforth from the Super-Ball game, it escapes the author all-together why a man should struggle so hard to attain so much only to have his flesh and blood removed painfully from his person before a crowd of shouting, panting savages.
It is the author’s understanding, however, that these people simply mean to appease their sun god, Marduk, by satisfying him with a plentiful gift of blood and skin. These ignorant fools believe that any heretic god other than Our Lord can bring night and day and each year upon them, and thus destroy the life of a strong, powerful man in order to ensure that their society - and indeed the whole of the world - continues unmolested.
It is thus that the Super-Ball occurs: First two squadrons come together, in peace (it seems), but come into conflict over the poƒseƒsion of a sacred object - the Gaming Sack - which results in Sack Madneƒs, which sends each squadron-man into a mad fervor, to the viewing publick’s great satisfaction. The game’s conclusion results in the utter termination of a human life, however sinful, for the sake of a pagan god.
The author wishes to request more miƒsionaries to be sent hither, with perhaps more soldiers and steel and horses, as conversion seems the only plausible, and indeed the only action of moral correctitude, which can be taken under these tragic, violent, and terrific circumstances.