(no subject)
so today mother was painting the living room again. because she likes to complain about how i supposedly ask her for too much money and yet has enough money to redecorate the stupid fucking house that only she likes anyway. and i found it funny that while i was doing this i was sewing up my pants that ive had since 7th grade, because we all know the whore isnt going to buy me new pants any time soon. since we are so poor. and why not waste all the money on the stupid fucking house?
so she was up there for like... ever. and then i was on the couch staring at the ceiling. and the tv was on very low so it was like
mother: can you even hear the tv?
me: do you think im actually watching it? theres nothing on, theres never anything on.
then.. i cant really remember what happened. i just sat there. staring at the ceiling. blowing my nose over and over because i am sick and snot just keeps coming.
then later, even though in reality if she cared about me at all we would be talking about me being grounded and me doing drugs and stuff since she is supposidly worried about me and just cares about me *so* must. please.
but instead, it all turned to her, as always. because every fucking thing i say turns into something about her. because all she fucking cares about is herself. and even though shes supposed to be the mother and take care of me, shes never going to do that if she turns everything about me into a reflection of her. but its not like she ever really did deserve the title mother anyway. fucking whore.
and then i told her how i hate her and her stupid sarcastic remarks about how she just has such BAD BAD kids. and omg she should just go feel bad about herself some more and go cry in her room some more because her life just sucks because she has evil kids who just hate her. and omg what a fucking miserable life she must have.
it was said sarcastically, of course. but she does all this. all the time. because if shes too busy crying about herself and feeling sorry for her poor miserable life, then she wont have to waste her energy on actually raising her kids. since fucking whores dont do motherly things i guess.
i fucking hate her. so fucking much. and she wonders why whenever she tries to talk to me i tweak out at her and tell her to fuck off. because if i DID say anything, she would somehow twist it around into me calling her a bad mother.
please.
i cannot wait for the day she realizes that the world doesnt revolve around her. and if she didnt waste all her time feeling sorry for herself because her kids hate her, then her kids wouldnt hate her because then maybe she could have actually acted like a mother.
no. seriously. hate her. why would she ground me anyway? sorry, but grounding someone is just a stupid punishment lazy fucking parents do because they can't waste their precious time figuring out why their kids did whatever.
and all shes doing by grounding me is making me think more and more about it all, and then i just get angier and angrier at her and the world and everyfuckingthing ever. and then this anger must be released. god yes. or else i am going to explode, i swear. and how shall it be released? oh, i know. ....drugs....
and i know this isnt true for everyone. and im sure theres some retard kids out there who learn their 'lesson' from being grounded. but she knows for a fact i could give a fuck what she says or what she does.
and she should really just figure out that when she grounds me, or does something whoreish, shes just making the 'problem' worse. and that if it wasnt for her, there would be no 'problem'. and if she would shut the FUCK up for 2 seconds and listen to 2 words i had to say, then maybe she could figure out just what this 'problem' is anyway. and maybe if she didnt waste all her time and energy in herself, and gave at least a little to her children, then she might actually know something about me. since she doesnt know me at all, at all. and she thinks she does, and that is just sad.
so she was up there for like... ever. and then i was on the couch staring at the ceiling. and the tv was on very low so it was like
mother: can you even hear the tv?
me: do you think im actually watching it? theres nothing on, theres never anything on.
then.. i cant really remember what happened. i just sat there. staring at the ceiling. blowing my nose over and over because i am sick and snot just keeps coming.
then later, even though in reality if she cared about me at all we would be talking about me being grounded and me doing drugs and stuff since she is supposidly worried about me and just cares about me *so* must. please.
but instead, it all turned to her, as always. because every fucking thing i say turns into something about her. because all she fucking cares about is herself. and even though shes supposed to be the mother and take care of me, shes never going to do that if she turns everything about me into a reflection of her. but its not like she ever really did deserve the title mother anyway. fucking whore.
and then i told her how i hate her and her stupid sarcastic remarks about how she just has such BAD BAD kids. and omg she should just go feel bad about herself some more and go cry in her room some more because her life just sucks because she has evil kids who just hate her. and omg what a fucking miserable life she must have.
it was said sarcastically, of course. but she does all this. all the time. because if shes too busy crying about herself and feeling sorry for her poor miserable life, then she wont have to waste her energy on actually raising her kids. since fucking whores dont do motherly things i guess.
i fucking hate her. so fucking much. and she wonders why whenever she tries to talk to me i tweak out at her and tell her to fuck off. because if i DID say anything, she would somehow twist it around into me calling her a bad mother.
please.
i cannot wait for the day she realizes that the world doesnt revolve around her. and if she didnt waste all her time feeling sorry for herself because her kids hate her, then her kids wouldnt hate her because then maybe she could have actually acted like a mother.
no. seriously. hate her. why would she ground me anyway? sorry, but grounding someone is just a stupid punishment lazy fucking parents do because they can't waste their precious time figuring out why their kids did whatever.
and all shes doing by grounding me is making me think more and more about it all, and then i just get angier and angrier at her and the world and everyfuckingthing ever. and then this anger must be released. god yes. or else i am going to explode, i swear. and how shall it be released? oh, i know. ....drugs....
and i know this isnt true for everyone. and im sure theres some retard kids out there who learn their 'lesson' from being grounded. but she knows for a fact i could give a fuck what she says or what she does.
and she should really just figure out that when she grounds me, or does something whoreish, shes just making the 'problem' worse. and that if it wasnt for her, there would be no 'problem'. and if she would shut the FUCK up for 2 seconds and listen to 2 words i had to say, then maybe she could figure out just what this 'problem' is anyway. and maybe if she didnt waste all her time and energy in herself, and gave at least a little to her children, then she might actually know something about me. since she doesnt know me at all, at all. and she thinks she does, and that is just sad.