(no subject)
i think i am going to ask zack to get me some adderal.
i seriously really really really like this. and its just so much fucking fun.
and isnt it just so fun to be fucked up? i just thought about that. because i was sad because this adderal will wear away obviously. but then i remembered i have to go to chayla's. and then i will get robo. and the fucked upness will last. but i wont take robo tonight. or i'll never sleep.
but i seriously love drugs. its bad, i know. but i cant deny it. i love to be on things. i hate being sober. i hate reality. i just wish i could be high all the fucking time. and money and my health and my life and like everything was no object. and it just didnt matter. and i could just be high all the fucking time. but i cant be. because i am broke, and i would seriously fuck myself up/end up dying, and i need everything. and i cant give up the intelligence i have, which is very little, i know, but thats why i need to at least attempt to keep what i do. or else i would just be nick or something. in other words, a fucking dumbass. and i cant give up like... my freedom. because addictions are a prison. i know this. i know enough addicts to know that if they had the choice to stay an addict or lose the desire to do whatever they are addicted to forever. they would pick the latter. because drugs take away everything. if one lets oneself get out of control. which i have to be extremely careful of. because i realize now, considering i cant stop talking about it, that i am very afraid of becoming addicted to something. and i cant let that happen. i know this. and i know that being high all the time would get old. and being high all the time isnt worth never being sober again.
ok the end. i was just going to simply type that i am going to ask zack to get me some adderal. just like a bottle or something. just enough that i get a feel of the things it can do. and then i wont have to pay a dollar a pill or one to two nodoz a pill. and i can give him the money. and he can give me the adderal. and it would just be normal. and it would be a normal price. not all, first someone gives it to zack. and then zack gives it to leanna. and then leanna gives it to me. not that i have anything against leanna or something, id be more than happy to do my deals with her. but its just easier to go straight to the horse's mouth. but then again, its drug we are talking about. so i can only get closer to the horse's mouth. but thats better than being farther away. right? right.
seriously. do you SEE how fucked i am? its not even funny.
so yes, tomorrow i will try to find leanna. get my adderal. then try to find zack. and ask him if he can get me a few. and then i can ask him what he thinks i should try. something new. and exciting. oh yes. and zack has done more different kinds of drugs than i have im guessing. if he can supposidly get anything. but then again, i dont think hes ALL that into doing them. and i know he doesnt do anything like a whole lot. like you know, he doesnt do things like 5 times a day if he really likes them. unlike me. former mrs. 16oz of robo a day. but thats in the past, it doesnt matter anything. i still like robo, but not enough to do so much as i was doing. but anyways, like i was saying. about zack. i think he has tried many things. but i dunno for sure. but he definetly knows like someone who has tried something, for like every drug ever. if that makes sense. like, he knows at least one person who's done salvia. and he knows at least one person whos done coke. and etc. so he can help me make my decision on what to try next. even he hasnt done it himself. because i dont think hes really that into doing them. as i have said for like the 10th time lmfao. but he doesnt i doubt. because he has so many hookups. and someone like me would be like dead if i had that many hookups. because i would just go crazy and do everything in the world all at once. but he is smarter than me. and since he knows so many druggies, as i know he does. he obviously knows many people who have let drugs like ruin them. and so i suppose he has learned not to fuck with too much. and i guess he has learned that nice word moderation. which i am still trying to comprehend the definition of. and practice, of course. but like i said, he can help me decide what to buy. though he isnt really a druggie. and everyone knows hes not a druggie. and yet he deals. and its weird. but i suppose he just wants money from dealing them. but that is still ok. because then he obviously knows about the drugs. and i can ask him what he thinks i would like. and what is exciting. and what i should buy from him. and he can be like my teacher. and let me try all these new drugs. lmao. how sad, but its true.
ok seriously. this whole entry was suppose to be:
i think i will ask zack for some adderal. and then i will ask him to help me decide what to try next.
as we can see. i am far too adderalled out. and i need to stop being so entertained/hyper. because or else, i dont know. its just not tonyaish to be SO fucking hyper and omfg. yeah i cant even describe how i am. i can, however, make a little noise which describes it. but one cannot hear noises over the internet.
ok im done. i swear. goodbye. i wont come back this time. even if i just need to say something really fast. because we see what turns up. as in, a like 10 page message... again... because i guess in my hyperass motherfucking mind. having 11 pages on msword according to jennifer is still not enough typing to fufill the entertainment of it. and im just so interested in doing this. i need to stop. and i need to go get my robo from chayla. and i need to get ungrounded. and mother needs to fucking leave so i can stop typing and go to chayla's already.
ok. done. i swear. goodbye.
i seriously really really really like this. and its just so much fucking fun.
and isnt it just so fun to be fucked up? i just thought about that. because i was sad because this adderal will wear away obviously. but then i remembered i have to go to chayla's. and then i will get robo. and the fucked upness will last. but i wont take robo tonight. or i'll never sleep.
but i seriously love drugs. its bad, i know. but i cant deny it. i love to be on things. i hate being sober. i hate reality. i just wish i could be high all the fucking time. and money and my health and my life and like everything was no object. and it just didnt matter. and i could just be high all the fucking time. but i cant be. because i am broke, and i would seriously fuck myself up/end up dying, and i need everything. and i cant give up the intelligence i have, which is very little, i know, but thats why i need to at least attempt to keep what i do. or else i would just be nick or something. in other words, a fucking dumbass. and i cant give up like... my freedom. because addictions are a prison. i know this. i know enough addicts to know that if they had the choice to stay an addict or lose the desire to do whatever they are addicted to forever. they would pick the latter. because drugs take away everything. if one lets oneself get out of control. which i have to be extremely careful of. because i realize now, considering i cant stop talking about it, that i am very afraid of becoming addicted to something. and i cant let that happen. i know this. and i know that being high all the time would get old. and being high all the time isnt worth never being sober again.
ok the end. i was just going to simply type that i am going to ask zack to get me some adderal. just like a bottle or something. just enough that i get a feel of the things it can do. and then i wont have to pay a dollar a pill or one to two nodoz a pill. and i can give him the money. and he can give me the adderal. and it would just be normal. and it would be a normal price. not all, first someone gives it to zack. and then zack gives it to leanna. and then leanna gives it to me. not that i have anything against leanna or something, id be more than happy to do my deals with her. but its just easier to go straight to the horse's mouth. but then again, its drug we are talking about. so i can only get closer to the horse's mouth. but thats better than being farther away. right? right.
seriously. do you SEE how fucked i am? its not even funny.
so yes, tomorrow i will try to find leanna. get my adderal. then try to find zack. and ask him if he can get me a few. and then i can ask him what he thinks i should try. something new. and exciting. oh yes. and zack has done more different kinds of drugs than i have im guessing. if he can supposidly get anything. but then again, i dont think hes ALL that into doing them. and i know he doesnt do anything like a whole lot. like you know, he doesnt do things like 5 times a day if he really likes them. unlike me. former mrs. 16oz of robo a day. but thats in the past, it doesnt matter anything. i still like robo, but not enough to do so much as i was doing. but anyways, like i was saying. about zack. i think he has tried many things. but i dunno for sure. but he definetly knows like someone who has tried something, for like every drug ever. if that makes sense. like, he knows at least one person who's done salvia. and he knows at least one person whos done coke. and etc. so he can help me make my decision on what to try next. even he hasnt done it himself. because i dont think hes really that into doing them. as i have said for like the 10th time lmfao. but he doesnt i doubt. because he has so many hookups. and someone like me would be like dead if i had that many hookups. because i would just go crazy and do everything in the world all at once. but he is smarter than me. and since he knows so many druggies, as i know he does. he obviously knows many people who have let drugs like ruin them. and so i suppose he has learned not to fuck with too much. and i guess he has learned that nice word moderation. which i am still trying to comprehend the definition of. and practice, of course. but like i said, he can help me decide what to buy. though he isnt really a druggie. and everyone knows hes not a druggie. and yet he deals. and its weird. but i suppose he just wants money from dealing them. but that is still ok. because then he obviously knows about the drugs. and i can ask him what he thinks i would like. and what is exciting. and what i should buy from him. and he can be like my teacher. and let me try all these new drugs. lmao. how sad, but its true.
ok seriously. this whole entry was suppose to be:
i think i will ask zack for some adderal. and then i will ask him to help me decide what to try next.
as we can see. i am far too adderalled out. and i need to stop being so entertained/hyper. because or else, i dont know. its just not tonyaish to be SO fucking hyper and omfg. yeah i cant even describe how i am. i can, however, make a little noise which describes it. but one cannot hear noises over the internet.
ok im done. i swear. goodbye. i wont come back this time. even if i just need to say something really fast. because we see what turns up. as in, a like 10 page message... again... because i guess in my hyperass motherfucking mind. having 11 pages on msword according to jennifer is still not enough typing to fufill the entertainment of it. and im just so interested in doing this. i need to stop. and i need to go get my robo from chayla. and i need to get ungrounded. and mother needs to fucking leave so i can stop typing and go to chayla's already.
ok. done. i swear. goodbye.