UPDATE TIMES!!!!!
So......It's been INCREDIBLY long since I posted in this crazy thing. I just thought I'd give my loving masses a peek into what I've been up too.
I still work at the infamous Home Depot, but money is still tight. I am currently looking for a roomate, which is hard. I am looking for someone, preferable a female,(they're usually neater). Being a fellow Christian would also help. Although not being one means I can talk to you about the Good News! I have finally found a group of friends that I truely relate too. I don't need to lie to impress anyone or try to fit in. I am accepted as I am, God given flaws and all! I was thinking about college. I had kicked around the idea of a culinary school, but the money killed me. I was recently reading Acts and Romans and I felt inspired by Paul to go out into the world and preach the Word of God. This however will take time. I need to curb my bad decisons and tendincies and learn more about God's word and plan. I have done a pretty good job obstaining from my biggest stumbling block: sex. This includes of course, women. Not that they are all bad (before I get verbally jumped). I just need to focus on what I should be: God, then all the rest will follow. For too long I have been riding on my own steam, or attempting too. Usually, or always, it gets me nowhere. Or somewhere I don't want to, or shouldn't, be. I decided to turn it over to Him who knows, and so far it's going good. In the course of a week I went from ready to throw my hands up and walk away again, to actually making it with money and sanity to spare. I found solice in my job, to the point where sometimes I'm actually happy to be waking up at 7am to be there. Yet another startling revelation came out of this: Last Friday at Y.A, Joe did a lesson on Forgivness, and basically not holding grudges. It made me think about the grudges and hate I have kept alive in my life. Wether it be for my parents or for Crystal, I let it beat me down. I prayed and asked God to help lift the weight off of me. When I did that I actually started getting along with BOTH parents when I seen them. And as some may know, my issues with Crystal were alot harder. The few times I have had a chance with someone, I screwed it up because I continually compared them to her. I couldn't let go of the hurt, the betrayl, and the anger at being "played". It hurt to know that someone that I loved so much treated me like that, even though I let them into my heart. And there layed the problem: I never let her or it go. I held on to all that, and in doing so I held on to her memory. If only from the pain her memory made her stay with me. Not until I prayed and asked God to help me let go, because after all, God is the ultimate forgiver, did I finally sit back and say "I forgive her'." Then and only through God's strength, did I finally, truly, move on. Because of my own stubborness to forgive, I made myself hang on for almost 6 months. Now, like I said to Leia, I can say I hope someday she finds love, and that person loves her back and doesn't cause her pain. That led me to another ex, Theresa. Everyone reports to me on all the new things she has been doing. Instead of being happy for her, as God commands, I chose to hate her, I chose to be jealous and to hope that she was hurt this time. But now, I hope she is truly happy with her fiancee, I hope they have a beautiful marriage and live the dream. I hope he continues to raise Angel the way she needs. I hope their new baby gets the love and attention it needs too. That is part of my reasoning for when and if i am approached with adoption papers, I will sign them. So before anyone jumps the gun, it has NOTHING to do with money. Otherwise I'd be fightning it now. God provides me with all that I need, as long as I continue to follow him. For as it is written: "Look at the birds of the air, they do not sow or reap or store up food in barns, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Look at the lilies of the field grow, They do not labor or spin, yet God clothes the grass in beauty such as these, Are you not much more valuable than they?" (Mat. 6:25-34) Also I know ppl I used to hang out with and consider friends are having trouble themselves. I hope everything works ot for you guys, I know you all were a huge group of friends and it sucks to see you lose your own. I hope it staightens itself out.
I still work at the infamous Home Depot, but money is still tight. I am currently looking for a roomate, which is hard. I am looking for someone, preferable a female,(they're usually neater). Being a fellow Christian would also help. Although not being one means I can talk to you about the Good News! I have finally found a group of friends that I truely relate too. I don't need to lie to impress anyone or try to fit in. I am accepted as I am, God given flaws and all! I was thinking about college. I had kicked around the idea of a culinary school, but the money killed me. I was recently reading Acts and Romans and I felt inspired by Paul to go out into the world and preach the Word of God. This however will take time. I need to curb my bad decisons and tendincies and learn more about God's word and plan. I have done a pretty good job obstaining from my biggest stumbling block: sex. This includes of course, women. Not that they are all bad (before I get verbally jumped). I just need to focus on what I should be: God, then all the rest will follow. For too long I have been riding on my own steam, or attempting too. Usually, or always, it gets me nowhere. Or somewhere I don't want to, or shouldn't, be. I decided to turn it over to Him who knows, and so far it's going good. In the course of a week I went from ready to throw my hands up and walk away again, to actually making it with money and sanity to spare. I found solice in my job, to the point where sometimes I'm actually happy to be waking up at 7am to be there. Yet another startling revelation came out of this: Last Friday at Y.A, Joe did a lesson on Forgivness, and basically not holding grudges. It made me think about the grudges and hate I have kept alive in my life. Wether it be for my parents or for Crystal, I let it beat me down. I prayed and asked God to help lift the weight off of me. When I did that I actually started getting along with BOTH parents when I seen them. And as some may know, my issues with Crystal were alot harder. The few times I have had a chance with someone, I screwed it up because I continually compared them to her. I couldn't let go of the hurt, the betrayl, and the anger at being "played". It hurt to know that someone that I loved so much treated me like that, even though I let them into my heart. And there layed the problem: I never let her or it go. I held on to all that, and in doing so I held on to her memory. If only from the pain her memory made her stay with me. Not until I prayed and asked God to help me let go, because after all, God is the ultimate forgiver, did I finally sit back and say "I forgive her'." Then and only through God's strength, did I finally, truly, move on. Because of my own stubborness to forgive, I made myself hang on for almost 6 months. Now, like I said to Leia, I can say I hope someday she finds love, and that person loves her back and doesn't cause her pain. That led me to another ex, Theresa. Everyone reports to me on all the new things she has been doing. Instead of being happy for her, as God commands, I chose to hate her, I chose to be jealous and to hope that she was hurt this time. But now, I hope she is truly happy with her fiancee, I hope they have a beautiful marriage and live the dream. I hope he continues to raise Angel the way she needs. I hope their new baby gets the love and attention it needs too. That is part of my reasoning for when and if i am approached with adoption papers, I will sign them. So before anyone jumps the gun, it has NOTHING to do with money. Otherwise I'd be fightning it now. God provides me with all that I need, as long as I continue to follow him. For as it is written: "Look at the birds of the air, they do not sow or reap or store up food in barns, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Look at the lilies of the field grow, They do not labor or spin, yet God clothes the grass in beauty such as these, Are you not much more valuable than they?" (Mat. 6:25-34) Also I know ppl I used to hang out with and consider friends are having trouble themselves. I hope everything works ot for you guys, I know you all were a huge group of friends and it sucks to see you lose your own. I hope it staightens itself out.