how did i get here
Ok here it is, one of those pathetic im so miserable posts. What happened? Things went from increadible to...well to this...and I dont even know what "this" is. She left my car saying "im gunna have to do some re-evaluating". I said "do what you feel you have too" then pressed my fingers against my lips and carried the kiss to where it now rests on her left arm. As she walked into the crowd i fought a few tears then drove east to my appartment. Its hard to believe that its only been a week or so since this whole affair began. It was that crazy tumbling affection i could only describe as head over feet. I let her look into the dark craggy emotional swells and she held me, unflinching. We would spend whole nights lost in eachothers company; talking, kissing, staring, making up for past wrongs and crying for hidden scars. And now here i am drained and not sure what to do. I dont want her as my girlfriend, for labels tend to complicate things and narrow relationships down to a specific path. I just want that heedless affection and emotional closeness back. Part of me wants to clinch my fists and scream "its not right, its not fair". But thats not proper either, you know what they say of love and war. The other part, the bigger part, just wants to stay wherever she will have me, on the emotional level i mean. Now this isn't some sick exercise in self denial or masochism, rather i just want to be a good friend as much as i can. She is going through some grey times and really i just want to be a clearing among the many clouds, however i can. Now i know that sounds like complete cheese, but good friends are hard to find and right now we both need someone we can rely on. Im still here... <3