Fucking Terrific, Just Fucking Terrific
So what now? Do I lose that which I've worked so hard for? I rid myself of Kelsey, and somehow it doesn't seem quite enough to not make me worry. Here I am, finally having some clarity of thought, some realization of how deep my feelings run for Jen, and there it all goes. Perfect. I only hope she loves me as much as I love her, because if she doesn't, I know I've just lost her. Nobody is ever content keeping to themselves, they always have to meddle, do what they think is best. I know what's best for me, I'm not a fucking baby, I can stand up and not drink the things under the sink and shit in the big boy potty just like the rest of you. That's why I can't fall for you again, that arrogance just never fades. You don't know me because I don't let you, I give you that same mask that everyone else gets, because that's the me you want. I'm not that me anymore, I'm just a stupid, worthless excuse for a human who has but one true success in life, and that very success is turning into a failure right before my eyes. Some days I just wish I wouldn't wake up, so I could stop bothering people and they can just get on with their lives. It's nights like this, where I have nothing left, that I imagine my own funeral. All the empty seats, just my close family there. My dad's ha;f of the family wouldn't know or care, and the last person who loved me on my mom's side is now gone. The eulogy would be droll and emotionless, since most of my major successes were from 3rd to 6th grade. I've led an empty life until now, and without love, it would be empty again. I'd have died with no education, no legacy, no nothing, so I'd just be forgotten anyway...
And then I have to stop, to avoid plunging into depression. I have to remember that I have reasons to live, that I can still scrap up the remnants of my life and build something from it, because I'm stronger then that. I don't want to lose Jen, though, and I can hardly see through all the tears just to type that.
I don't care what you think of me anymore Kelsey, I thought you were my friend, but that's bull shit. Real friends stand by their friends, not lash out at them. What you did was wrong, and not even attempting to apologize made it worse. I don't need a friend like that.
-Jeremy
And then I have to stop, to avoid plunging into depression. I have to remember that I have reasons to live, that I can still scrap up the remnants of my life and build something from it, because I'm stronger then that. I don't want to lose Jen, though, and I can hardly see through all the tears just to type that.
I don't care what you think of me anymore Kelsey, I thought you were my friend, but that's bull shit. Real friends stand by their friends, not lash out at them. What you did was wrong, and not even attempting to apologize made it worse. I don't need a friend like that.
-Jeremy