I just need....to breathe
Taking a quick break from writing a paper
I have been very stressed lately and let me just tell you...if I wasn't on my anxiety pill..I could be dead.
I didn't really notice how badly it effects me until last night and this morning of which both times I threw up and just feel down-right shitty. I spent a lot of time on wedding plans the past couple of days and actually did get a lot accomplished. Obviously, I haven't been married before, so I was relatively unaware of the burden until now...even if I am getting an immense amount of help from both side's parents.
I assure you, I am no bridezilla (if you will). As a matter of fact, it is as if I care more about those that will be at my wedding more than myself! I figured even if there is a few things that don't go exactly as planned, it is only a half a day and I will probably be preoccupied with talking to people and drinking champagne. Besides, I try to remind myself that deep down all I care about is what he has to say to me (the vows). Isn't that is what it is all about? Maybe I don't expect something extremely sappy, but just something to show that he is willing to make this commitment because he loves me for me. I also have an ability to tune shit out. So, if there are people who decide to complain ( I really have no idea who would) then I really don't see that bothering me.
I guess what I am trying to say is that this wedding is more on my mind that I thought and I feel foolish in a way. Perhaps I should have stayed home the past few days and worked on this paper. I know damn well how I get with these kinds of things and how anxious they make me feel....especially since our entire grade for the class is two research papers. It was so bad last night that I had such a vivid dream..almost a nightmare. It was about me and my office mates. I wont go into detail, but one thing that happened was me trying to get three books on feldspars...and for some reason I couldn't get back to my office to write the paper. It was raining cats and dogs outside and I began to get really stressed out. When I finnaly got back to my office to write the paper, one of my office mates came to me with a question. Theresa: it was Pavithra by the way...and she was wearing a really pretty light pink outfit that was similar to the ones in the movie "Bride and Prejudice". So I helped her out. She was doing olivine by the way...which I dunno why because in r/l she is doing orthopyroxene...Anyway...So then I realized a really important book was missing in my stack and I freaked out. I desperately tried to find it and was unsuccessful. I think I eventually found it on a step outside. It was all wrinkled and ruined from the rain.
So basically I get these dreams when I am truly anxious about something. All I can do now is deal with it and do what I can. I am trying really hard not to picture myself failing at it...and making my adviser angry. I do not want to loose what I have because of this anxiety.
I have been very stressed lately and let me just tell you...if I wasn't on my anxiety pill..I could be dead.
I didn't really notice how badly it effects me until last night and this morning of which both times I threw up and just feel down-right shitty. I spent a lot of time on wedding plans the past couple of days and actually did get a lot accomplished. Obviously, I haven't been married before, so I was relatively unaware of the burden until now...even if I am getting an immense amount of help from both side's parents.
I assure you, I am no bridezilla (if you will). As a matter of fact, it is as if I care more about those that will be at my wedding more than myself! I figured even if there is a few things that don't go exactly as planned, it is only a half a day and I will probably be preoccupied with talking to people and drinking champagne. Besides, I try to remind myself that deep down all I care about is what he has to say to me (the vows). Isn't that is what it is all about? Maybe I don't expect something extremely sappy, but just something to show that he is willing to make this commitment because he loves me for me. I also have an ability to tune shit out. So, if there are people who decide to complain ( I really have no idea who would) then I really don't see that bothering me.
I guess what I am trying to say is that this wedding is more on my mind that I thought and I feel foolish in a way. Perhaps I should have stayed home the past few days and worked on this paper. I know damn well how I get with these kinds of things and how anxious they make me feel....especially since our entire grade for the class is two research papers. It was so bad last night that I had such a vivid dream..almost a nightmare. It was about me and my office mates. I wont go into detail, but one thing that happened was me trying to get three books on feldspars...and for some reason I couldn't get back to my office to write the paper. It was raining cats and dogs outside and I began to get really stressed out. When I finnaly got back to my office to write the paper, one of my office mates came to me with a question. Theresa: it was Pavithra by the way...and she was wearing a really pretty light pink outfit that was similar to the ones in the movie "Bride and Prejudice". So I helped her out. She was doing olivine by the way...which I dunno why because in r/l she is doing orthopyroxene...Anyway...So then I realized a really important book was missing in my stack and I freaked out. I desperately tried to find it and was unsuccessful. I think I eventually found it on a step outside. It was all wrinkled and ruined from the rain.
So basically I get these dreams when I am truly anxious about something. All I can do now is deal with it and do what I can. I am trying really hard not to picture myself failing at it...and making my adviser angry. I do not want to loose what I have because of this anxiety.