uh-oh. theres a black man in your living room.
its kinda strange. its a habit i picked up from vanessa. it bothers me now when people dont do it. punctuation people! they are called periods, and they go at the end of sentences to complete the thought. when i look at a phrase without a period, its like something is missing. its irritating because theres nothing i can do about it. gah.
i painted my toenails and my fingernails today. i cleaned my room. i hung up all my clothes. i swept AND mopped the floor. i felt domesticated and also bit accomplished.
josh stayed the night last night. i dont know why, but it was a bit awkward. hes been my friend for three years-ish, but that includes the times that we hated each other and fought. but all the same, it was odd. hes stayed here before, like parties and such. maybe cause the only boys that have stayed the night here with me ive been interested in. and though i love the kid, he definitely does not fall into that catergory.
my christmas tree is dying. the needles are falling off by the thousands. there are so many presents under the tree, if some stranger walked in, he may get the impression that we had money. that is, if he didnt notice the color and also location and also size of the house and the shitty-ness that is our yard turned drive-way filled with p.o.s. cars. at least my car is paid off. that and the wrapping paper that screams wal-mart.
two people i know, one of which is a dear friend, have lost family members this week. someone said that it really put things in perspective, but it really didnt do that for me. im fortunate enough to be blessed by no one close to me dying, or not being old enough to remember when it happened.
when my great grandmother died, i dont remember how old i was, but she was my grandma, i was kinda the favorite. i dont remember anything except that when my grandparents got back from the funeral, etc. in pennsylvania, they left a small suitcase on the kitchen table and it was dark outside. my greatgrandmother was not a wonderful person. in fact, she was dating my grandfather, though she was married, and that is how he met my grandmother. its not quite the typical boy meets girl story.
when i find someone, i want a story. i want it to be wonderful. something that my kids can tell at school for some kind of something. i want magic.
but fuck that, i cant even find a boy to date me. it used to bother me moreso than it does now. but ive decided to stop looking and maybe someone will find me. we all know too well that my luck with the male gender sucks ass. but luck can change. look at me being optimistic, isnt it cute?
and in other news, my sister is talking to an ex of hers. she lived with him for like 2 years and he controlled her like a mother, and he yelled at her and said bad things to her, he destroyed a bunch of her shit, hes just a fucking jackass. well he had a girlfriend and then he started talking to my sister again and then they started fucking again. and it wasnt going to mean anything because he was supposed to move in with his girlfriend in like 2 weeks, then he broke up with his girlfrined. she quit school and ruined her life once because of this bastard, and now shes enrolled in school again and the bitch is going to fuck up like before. but, she doesnt listen to me. i would just say oh well, its her life. but thats just not right. the way he treated her reminded me too much of my mothers past situation. she could be something, she has a chance to start again at school and such, and i dont want her to waste that because of some controlling asshole.
i got one of the leading roles in the show at school. Tweflth Night. woo-go Shakespeare..but i have to many lines to memorize that i think im going to die. and of course, i get to dress like a boy for most of the show, except for like one scene. its a big part and im scared that im not going to be able to pull it off or do it well or work on it hard enough.
and now that ive babbled on for god knows how long, i think its time for this maddness to end. this is what happens when you dont update shit for months. use me as an example. no one wants to read something this fucking long, dont be like me.
i may have plans tomorrow night. im not getting my hopes up at all. its all very tenative, and im not going to be let down for the 5th time since ive been out of school. so, im going to accept it as a maybe and be content. and if things fall through, ill go find somewhere and get stoned.
i painted my toenails and my fingernails today. i cleaned my room. i hung up all my clothes. i swept AND mopped the floor. i felt domesticated and also bit accomplished.
josh stayed the night last night. i dont know why, but it was a bit awkward. hes been my friend for three years-ish, but that includes the times that we hated each other and fought. but all the same, it was odd. hes stayed here before, like parties and such. maybe cause the only boys that have stayed the night here with me ive been interested in. and though i love the kid, he definitely does not fall into that catergory.
my christmas tree is dying. the needles are falling off by the thousands. there are so many presents under the tree, if some stranger walked in, he may get the impression that we had money. that is, if he didnt notice the color and also location and also size of the house and the shitty-ness that is our yard turned drive-way filled with p.o.s. cars. at least my car is paid off. that and the wrapping paper that screams wal-mart.
two people i know, one of which is a dear friend, have lost family members this week. someone said that it really put things in perspective, but it really didnt do that for me. im fortunate enough to be blessed by no one close to me dying, or not being old enough to remember when it happened.
when my great grandmother died, i dont remember how old i was, but she was my grandma, i was kinda the favorite. i dont remember anything except that when my grandparents got back from the funeral, etc. in pennsylvania, they left a small suitcase on the kitchen table and it was dark outside. my greatgrandmother was not a wonderful person. in fact, she was dating my grandfather, though she was married, and that is how he met my grandmother. its not quite the typical boy meets girl story.
when i find someone, i want a story. i want it to be wonderful. something that my kids can tell at school for some kind of something. i want magic.
but fuck that, i cant even find a boy to date me. it used to bother me moreso than it does now. but ive decided to stop looking and maybe someone will find me. we all know too well that my luck with the male gender sucks ass. but luck can change. look at me being optimistic, isnt it cute?
and in other news, my sister is talking to an ex of hers. she lived with him for like 2 years and he controlled her like a mother, and he yelled at her and said bad things to her, he destroyed a bunch of her shit, hes just a fucking jackass. well he had a girlfriend and then he started talking to my sister again and then they started fucking again. and it wasnt going to mean anything because he was supposed to move in with his girlfriend in like 2 weeks, then he broke up with his girlfrined. she quit school and ruined her life once because of this bastard, and now shes enrolled in school again and the bitch is going to fuck up like before. but, she doesnt listen to me. i would just say oh well, its her life. but thats just not right. the way he treated her reminded me too much of my mothers past situation. she could be something, she has a chance to start again at school and such, and i dont want her to waste that because of some controlling asshole.
i got one of the leading roles in the show at school. Tweflth Night. woo-go Shakespeare..but i have to many lines to memorize that i think im going to die. and of course, i get to dress like a boy for most of the show, except for like one scene. its a big part and im scared that im not going to be able to pull it off or do it well or work on it hard enough.
and now that ive babbled on for god knows how long, i think its time for this maddness to end. this is what happens when you dont update shit for months. use me as an example. no one wants to read something this fucking long, dont be like me.
i may have plans tomorrow night. im not getting my hopes up at all. its all very tenative, and im not going to be let down for the 5th time since ive been out of school. so, im going to accept it as a maybe and be content. and if things fall through, ill go find somewhere and get stoned.