lol life post
Yeah, this is one of those quarter-life crisis posts that consist of me flailing and screaming WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE, I'M A TERRIBLE WASTE OF SPACE, but I need to get it out and irl people are too busy to talk. It must come out, or I will die of massive ulcer failure. That's a real condition, btw.
Okay. Three things:
1) I am still sitting around in Craphole, Arizona, doing the same job AT WALMART that I was doing two years ago (I recently got passed over for a promotion they ASKED ME TO APPLY FOR LOL WHY?)
2) I still have no idea what I want to do with my life. No really.
3) Guilt for having such a useless, expensive life/education is EATING UP MY STOMACH and I think making me way too co-dependent on my boyfriend. Either that or I'm a stupid clueless doormat for him, I have yet to figure out which and I'm trying not to think about it because I will talk myself out of any conclusion I may come to and it only inspires more anxiety.
Actually, to be fair, I have thought it out and come to this conclusion: I have abso-fuckin-lutely no idea what I want to do with my life, but I would not hate myself if I ended up working in a book store til I'm 60. No joke. At least it's not Wal-Mart Wal*Mart.
I have the vague sense that maybe I want to write? Or read professionally, AWW YEAH. But I have no idea if one can even do the latter, or if I have the drive for the former. What I should be doing is using my Web Design degree, but I have so little desire to web design anything, it's not even funny. That was clearly an insane phase that has run its course, and that I wasted a shit ton of money on. I feel like I should try and do something book and design related, so I get some use out of it, but I really don't feel like I'm good, or more importantly, creative enough to design covers/websites/etc.
IDK. I know I'm not getting anywhere by staying here and slaving away for THE CORPORATE CONSPIRACY. What I need to do is get out of here and experience shit, I know. There are two issues with that:
a) lol MONEY
b) I R LONELY
Seriously, I can get the money together eventually, but if I leave, and go out in the world, I'll be alone. Friendless. I might have been down with that before I moved here, but since then I've gotten used to this human companionship shit. I dunno how I'd handle being alone, and I'm shitty at making friends, as evidenced by the fact that I've been here two years and my social circle consists entirely of my family. Part of me wants to go out and do that crazy adventurous shit like throw a dart on a map and ust go there, but most of me wants someone else to go, too.
Clearly I fail at that whole enjoying-my-own-company thing. Or deciding ANYTHING. UGH.
I should ust suck it up and do it anyway. I should. Really. Blah.
*falls over dead*
WHY ARE YOU SO HARD, LIFE?
Okay. Three things:
1) I am still sitting around in Craphole, Arizona, doing the same job AT WALMART that I was doing two years ago (I recently got passed over for a promotion they ASKED ME TO APPLY FOR LOL WHY?)
2) I still have no idea what I want to do with my life. No really.
3) Guilt for having such a useless, expensive life/education is EATING UP MY STOMACH and I think making me way too co-dependent on my boyfriend. Either that or I'm a stupid clueless doormat for him, I have yet to figure out which and I'm trying not to think about it because I will talk myself out of any conclusion I may come to and it only inspires more anxiety.
Actually, to be fair, I have thought it out and come to this conclusion: I have abso-fuckin-lutely no idea what I want to do with my life, but I would not hate myself if I ended up working in a book store til I'm 60. No joke. At least it's not Wal-Mart Wal*Mart.
I have the vague sense that maybe I want to write? Or read professionally, AWW YEAH. But I have no idea if one can even do the latter, or if I have the drive for the former. What I should be doing is using my Web Design degree, but I have so little desire to web design anything, it's not even funny. That was clearly an insane phase that has run its course, and that I wasted a shit ton of money on. I feel like I should try and do something book and design related, so I get some use out of it, but I really don't feel like I'm good, or more importantly, creative enough to design covers/websites/etc.
IDK. I know I'm not getting anywhere by staying here and slaving away for THE CORPORATE CONSPIRACY. What I need to do is get out of here and experience shit, I know. There are two issues with that:
a) lol MONEY
b) I R LONELY
Seriously, I can get the money together eventually, but if I leave, and go out in the world, I'll be alone. Friendless. I might have been down with that before I moved here, but since then I've gotten used to this human companionship shit. I dunno how I'd handle being alone, and I'm shitty at making friends, as evidenced by the fact that I've been here two years and my social circle consists entirely of my family. Part of me wants to go out and do that crazy adventurous shit like throw a dart on a map and ust go there, but most of me wants someone else to go, too.
Clearly I fail at that whole enjoying-my-own-company thing. Or deciding ANYTHING. UGH.
I should ust suck it up and do it anyway. I should. Really. Blah.
*falls over dead*
WHY ARE YOU SO HARD, LIFE?