[CM] 003 - Serendipity
I never meant to go back to that planet...to that village I wiped out just by showing up, but one way or another I got stuck there with the rest of the ATLANTIS team. I got to see the carnage I caused...up close and *real* damn personal. Wasn’t the greatest thing that ever happened to me...but in a way? Maybe it was.
Wasn’t until after I came back from everything...Sateda, the Wraith, that last shot at something resembling retribution that Dr. Heightmeyer and Dr. Weir both threw that word at me...serendipity. Weir made me see the shrink before she’d let me go offworld again, but Heightmeyer didn’t explain it right away when I told her my story. Weir did.
Happy accident...that’s serendipity.
And she’s right...they’re both right. There’s nothing happy or good about what happened to me, and even less in regards to the people of that village. I think I knew all along that keeping me wouldn’t help them if the Wraith were already coming...but just ‘cause things are hopeless doesn’t mean you stop trying. Might as well be dead, otherwise.
I couldn’t escape...I couldn’t run. But I could keep my friends safe. Return the favor they did for me when they found me.
Since my homeworld was destroyed, I’ve been alone...my people live, but I’ve been alone, with the ghosts of countless comrades and friends haunting my every waking moment. Melina most of all...there’s not a day goes by that I don’t see her face, taste her lips from the last time I kissed her.
Now in my head? I know that Sateda’s fall wasn’t my fault...but for seven years I ran, and the Wraith I killed in that time didn’t account for a damned thing in the larger scheme of things. More would come...more planets, more people would die, namely those I got too close to. They robbed me of everything...they made sure that I’d always be alone.
I had nothing left on that planet but the chance to make a stand...to *try*, even though things were hopeless. I was surprised, too, when the ATLANTIS team came for me...somewhere deep down, even after they took me in, I guess I’ve still always felt like I was alone. That I wasn’t part of anything anymore.
They didn’t get it...but they gave me my moment to try. My last shot to take a stand in a way that mattered...and when I knew that puddle jumper was behind me, I felt it then. Sheppard and Teyla covering me from somewhere...the people in that ship...the Daedelus in orbit above us. We were a team...all of us one being, fighting for the same thing and taking back hope when there was none to be had.
When Beckett fired on that Wraith...it was as good as if I’d done it myself.
And that’s where serendipity comes in...because if I hadn’t gone back there, if they hadn’t come for me and let me fight my battles alone? I never would have known the truth.
It was an accident, going back...getting caught...fighting that lone battle again...but if it hadn’t happened, I never would have realized that I wasn’t alone anymore.
Muse: Ronon Dex
Fandom: Stargate ATLANTIS
Words: 546
Wasn’t until after I came back from everything...Sateda, the Wraith, that last shot at something resembling retribution that Dr. Heightmeyer and Dr. Weir both threw that word at me...serendipity. Weir made me see the shrink before she’d let me go offworld again, but Heightmeyer didn’t explain it right away when I told her my story. Weir did.
Happy accident...that’s serendipity.
And she’s right...they’re both right. There’s nothing happy or good about what happened to me, and even less in regards to the people of that village. I think I knew all along that keeping me wouldn’t help them if the Wraith were already coming...but just ‘cause things are hopeless doesn’t mean you stop trying. Might as well be dead, otherwise.
I couldn’t escape...I couldn’t run. But I could keep my friends safe. Return the favor they did for me when they found me.
Since my homeworld was destroyed, I’ve been alone...my people live, but I’ve been alone, with the ghosts of countless comrades and friends haunting my every waking moment. Melina most of all...there’s not a day goes by that I don’t see her face, taste her lips from the last time I kissed her.
Now in my head? I know that Sateda’s fall wasn’t my fault...but for seven years I ran, and the Wraith I killed in that time didn’t account for a damned thing in the larger scheme of things. More would come...more planets, more people would die, namely those I got too close to. They robbed me of everything...they made sure that I’d always be alone.
I had nothing left on that planet but the chance to make a stand...to *try*, even though things were hopeless. I was surprised, too, when the ATLANTIS team came for me...somewhere deep down, even after they took me in, I guess I’ve still always felt like I was alone. That I wasn’t part of anything anymore.
They didn’t get it...but they gave me my moment to try. My last shot to take a stand in a way that mattered...and when I knew that puddle jumper was behind me, I felt it then. Sheppard and Teyla covering me from somewhere...the people in that ship...the Daedelus in orbit above us. We were a team...all of us one being, fighting for the same thing and taking back hope when there was none to be had.
When Beckett fired on that Wraith...it was as good as if I’d done it myself.
And that’s where serendipity comes in...because if I hadn’t gone back there, if they hadn’t come for me and let me fight my battles alone? I never would have known the truth.
It was an accident, going back...getting caught...fighting that lone battle again...but if it hadn’t happened, I never would have realized that I wasn’t alone anymore.
Muse: Ronon Dex
Fandom: Stargate ATLANTIS
Words: 546