(no subject)
its amazing how you can know exactly what you have to do, and yet still not want to do it. its like, even when i dont have a choice in the matter, even when i know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that i must take one road, i still find my eyes perpetually drawn to the other. its endlessly frustrating. i think im just a self-destructive person. i never go for the nice things, the right choices, the good stances, yet i cling to my innocence nonetheless. my reluctance to relinquish this trend of seeing the best in people just leaves me getting walked all over again and again. theres this empty feeling in my chest, like im about to throw up air, and it wont go away. its like i know im making huge mistakes that will hurt no one but myself, but i still cant stop. if i do, my body regects it. maybe self-destruction is my drug? who knows. if so, its a fucked up one, thats for sure. either way, id really just love it if what i should do and what i want to do would coincide. just once.