.I'm sick of not having the courage to be an absolute nobody.
It is two.thirty right now and I have so so much work to do that I just can't get started with. I can't focus because I'm listening and reading things that are beautiful and sad that only seem appropriate at this time of night. A lot of times I wish I knew more people that liked to point out the lovely and random things in life. I don't get enough of that. I wish people were more honest and open and less superficial, especially myself. There have been different times in my life where I have been surrounded by people like this and I didn't ever know what to do with them.
I've been missing New York a lot lately, but I've been really loving Nashville. Nashvillenashville, which I'm beginning to realize I never experienced much before now. Working at Caffeine is refreshing because I get to be around a lot of people who aren't from Nashville and haven't been spending their whole lives waiting to leave. They are here to make their dreams come true. I'm so glad they are here and I get to talk to them about how much they love Nashville and how glad they are to be here. It makes me love Nashville and makes me so glad to be here.
Aimee and I sometimes get in mission mode, and do things like raiding my parents' attic for cool and obscure things or go to Walmart at three o'clock in the morning to buy a comb (which, by the way, I've already lost and would probably go out right now and buy another one at the gas station down the street if it weren't so cold outside and I weren't worried that the tire on my car was about to go flat any moment now...)
It is now three.eleven and I still haven't begun working on anything. I'm still thinking a lot, though, about the things that I want and don't have and things I want to be happening and aren't happening (or aren't happening yet?)
I don't feel as if I'm in college anymore and I can't decide if that's good or bad. I work forty-five hours a week between Caffeine and Wild Oats and I think I may babysit sometimes for Rachel's daughter, or at least I spoke to her about this yesterday (I also looked Rachel up online this evening ( http://www.rkice.com ) and found out about her work and things I didn't know like how she gets on stage with certain bands and paints to the music and CNN did a focus on her one time). I'm still taking sixteen hours at MTSU, but I've been spending less and less time in Murfreesboro and having less and less desire to socialize with new people there. Although I miss Becca and Megan and Suzanne and Walker and Wade because I never see them while I'm there anymore, I've begun to appreciate that Murfreesboro time as time alone where I'm just wandering around feeling so out of touch with everything going on around me and not really caring about that at all. I felt as if I could relate more to the lecture on sixties pop and anti-pop culture than I could to the girls sitting behind me in my history class.
I have a splinter in the middle of my thumb, but I cut my finger with a knife the other day cutting a bagel in half and I thought for a while that was what all the pain was about. I was wrong. And now the splinter is too far in there for me to do anything about it.
So it goes.
I'm ready Franny and Zooey right now and I just found out today that The Royal Tenenbaums was based on the Glass family, and that makes so so much sense. I completely forgot how much I love Salinger.
I think maybe if I put an end to this entry and move to my bed (where it is also warmer) I will actually get to work on my geology lab and maybe even my English paper.
I just found my comb!
I love you,
James
I've been missing New York a lot lately, but I've been really loving Nashville. Nashvillenashville, which I'm beginning to realize I never experienced much before now. Working at Caffeine is refreshing because I get to be around a lot of people who aren't from Nashville and haven't been spending their whole lives waiting to leave. They are here to make their dreams come true. I'm so glad they are here and I get to talk to them about how much they love Nashville and how glad they are to be here. It makes me love Nashville and makes me so glad to be here.
Aimee and I sometimes get in mission mode, and do things like raiding my parents' attic for cool and obscure things or go to Walmart at three o'clock in the morning to buy a comb (which, by the way, I've already lost and would probably go out right now and buy another one at the gas station down the street if it weren't so cold outside and I weren't worried that the tire on my car was about to go flat any moment now...)
It is now three.eleven and I still haven't begun working on anything. I'm still thinking a lot, though, about the things that I want and don't have and things I want to be happening and aren't happening (or aren't happening yet?)
I don't feel as if I'm in college anymore and I can't decide if that's good or bad. I work forty-five hours a week between Caffeine and Wild Oats and I think I may babysit sometimes for Rachel's daughter, or at least I spoke to her about this yesterday (I also looked Rachel up online this evening ( http://www.rkice.com ) and found out about her work and things I didn't know like how she gets on stage with certain bands and paints to the music and CNN did a focus on her one time). I'm still taking sixteen hours at MTSU, but I've been spending less and less time in Murfreesboro and having less and less desire to socialize with new people there. Although I miss Becca and Megan and Suzanne and Walker and Wade because I never see them while I'm there anymore, I've begun to appreciate that Murfreesboro time as time alone where I'm just wandering around feeling so out of touch with everything going on around me and not really caring about that at all. I felt as if I could relate more to the lecture on sixties pop and anti-pop culture than I could to the girls sitting behind me in my history class.
I have a splinter in the middle of my thumb, but I cut my finger with a knife the other day cutting a bagel in half and I thought for a while that was what all the pain was about. I was wrong. And now the splinter is too far in there for me to do anything about it.
So it goes.
I'm ready Franny and Zooey right now and I just found out today that The Royal Tenenbaums was based on the Glass family, and that makes so so much sense. I completely forgot how much I love Salinger.
I think maybe if I put an end to this entry and move to my bed (where it is also warmer) I will actually get to work on my geology lab and maybe even my English paper.
I just found my comb!
I love you,
James