a stationary cycle
i have 2 issues
1. i think i am afraid to move anywhere from where i am standing
because then, if i move, from the comfort and convienece of what i know
i might get hurt. so right now i sit. where i know. i feel sort of stupid.
self doubt has really kicked my ass this week. and i am a pretty confident creature. i havent taken it to well, in fact i think it has killed my week of anticipation of finding out if i actually am going to be on my own. so if we made that a drink- self doubt mixed with freedom would we get a weak martini? or worse, a daquari? i believe i am not a chic drink. but today i might be.
so i am sitting here, knowing the potential i have. knowing exactly what i want and how to get it, but not moving. timing is everything. timing hurts the people you love when the moment isnt right. and i am sure that i have hurt people. but now i am hurting myself. so i sit here. pondering my next move. part of me wants to just go to bed and wake up with a new day and part of me wants to stand up, stretch and make a move.
2. i am struggling with certain friends and what they want from me. i want to give them friendship but sometimes friendship isnt something they want from me. and i want to know how to go about changing that cycle. because that cycle is what holds me down. and makes me sad.
issue # two is short. but in too many conversations lately.