Love Revisited
It seems as if every few months I have to write about love, you could say that I have a fascination of understanding what love is, to define or abstract the idea of love. Strangely, I am not as interested in what is "to love", but rather only the subjective love, love as a phenomenon that occurs to oneself. Curious to find a definition of love, I looked to the Oxford English Dictionary. Under the entry for "love" , the following is listed:
1. a. That disposition or state of feeling with regard to a person which (arising from recognition of attractive qualities, from instincts of natural relationship, or from sympathy) manifests itself in solicitude for the welfare of the object, and usually also in delight in his or her presence and desire for his or her approval; warm affection, attachment. Const. of, for, to, towards.
b. Viewed as an abstract quality or principle. (Sometimes personified.)
[...]
What strikes me as interesting is the fact that the OED defines love as "an abstract quality or principle", so much for using a dictionary for definitions. Time to bring up one of my favorite philosophers, Jacques Derrida. Once again I am interested in his idea of love as he spoke about on his documentary Derrida. A transcript of the scene can be found from one of my previous posts, and there's actually a video clip on YouTube now.
In this particular scene, Derrida asks the question of what happens when one realizes that the person that he or she loves does not live up to the expectation or fantasy that is held in one's head. At this particular moment there is a death of love, caused by the schism of the who and the what, the real and the fantasy. He goes on to say that he believes that one who is starting to love, in love or at the death of love is faced with this particular dilemma. This always reminds me of the conversation I had with Erin that first night I met her, over playing Scattergories, of course. She had mentioned that in psychology there was a similar phenomenon that occurred, that in any given new relationship, there is a sudden break when one party pulls back and reanalyzes the situation. It is this pivotal moment that determines the success, failure or stagnation of a relationship, one must play a move. (Her interest was in transactional analysis).
What occurred to me is that this inevitable break occurs often much quicker and deliberately for me, given the fact that I live as a transsexual and am not willing to hide my past from others. Hence, if anyone is attracted to me, and if I do tell them I am transsexual, the question of the what and who is forced upon him or her immediately. The appearance of the other is no longer what he or she thought was, the what is already disassociated from the other, from me. I have already broke the ideal woman, to the fact that I was not born a woman. The question is, does this explain the reason why I cannot seem to find a stable romantic relationship with anyone? I would say no, but at the same time that I need to analyze when I should say this and how open I should be... at the forefront. What happens is that the fantasy cannot be built as much, in such that the failure is not a total collapse. An early confession it provides for a new fantasy to be built, another way to view a transsexual. A re-examination will have to be necessary, as one believed that he or she loved the other in what gender or sex was perceived and must ask just how important is that factor, do the other traits supersede such a factor? The straight man will ask himself, is he straight anymore, and what straight is? The lesbian will ask herself, is she truly only a lesbian, and what it is she is attracted to, the female or the gender that the female plays? That is what love and desire forces to ask of ourselves constantly, how can can I compromise with the reality of the other with my projection of my fantasy of the perfect partner/mate.
1. a. That disposition or state of feeling with regard to a person which (arising from recognition of attractive qualities, from instincts of natural relationship, or from sympathy) manifests itself in solicitude for the welfare of the object, and usually also in delight in his or her presence and desire for his or her approval; warm affection, attachment. Const. of, for, to, towards.
b. Viewed as an abstract quality or principle. (Sometimes personified.)
[...]
What strikes me as interesting is the fact that the OED defines love as "an abstract quality or principle", so much for using a dictionary for definitions. Time to bring up one of my favorite philosophers, Jacques Derrida. Once again I am interested in his idea of love as he spoke about on his documentary Derrida. A transcript of the scene can be found from one of my previous posts, and there's actually a video clip on YouTube now.
In this particular scene, Derrida asks the question of what happens when one realizes that the person that he or she loves does not live up to the expectation or fantasy that is held in one's head. At this particular moment there is a death of love, caused by the schism of the who and the what, the real and the fantasy. He goes on to say that he believes that one who is starting to love, in love or at the death of love is faced with this particular dilemma. This always reminds me of the conversation I had with Erin that first night I met her, over playing Scattergories, of course. She had mentioned that in psychology there was a similar phenomenon that occurred, that in any given new relationship, there is a sudden break when one party pulls back and reanalyzes the situation. It is this pivotal moment that determines the success, failure or stagnation of a relationship, one must play a move. (Her interest was in transactional analysis).
What occurred to me is that this inevitable break occurs often much quicker and deliberately for me, given the fact that I live as a transsexual and am not willing to hide my past from others. Hence, if anyone is attracted to me, and if I do tell them I am transsexual, the question of the what and who is forced upon him or her immediately. The appearance of the other is no longer what he or she thought was, the what is already disassociated from the other, from me. I have already broke the ideal woman, to the fact that I was not born a woman. The question is, does this explain the reason why I cannot seem to find a stable romantic relationship with anyone? I would say no, but at the same time that I need to analyze when I should say this and how open I should be... at the forefront. What happens is that the fantasy cannot be built as much, in such that the failure is not a total collapse. An early confession it provides for a new fantasy to be built, another way to view a transsexual. A re-examination will have to be necessary, as one believed that he or she loved the other in what gender or sex was perceived and must ask just how important is that factor, do the other traits supersede such a factor? The straight man will ask himself, is he straight anymore, and what straight is? The lesbian will ask herself, is she truly only a lesbian, and what it is she is attracted to, the female or the gender that the female plays? That is what love and desire forces to ask of ourselves constantly, how can can I compromise with the reality of the other with my projection of my fantasy of the perfect partner/mate.