Fic: Trust (Ender/Bean PG)
Title: Trust
Pairing: Ender/Bean
Rating: PG
Warnings: Mild mild slash between two young boys, and a dash of angst.
Disclaimer: This story is based upon characters and situations created by Orson Scott Card, no money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Please don't sue me Orson, I love your books!!!
Notes: Wonderfully beta-ed by riverflame , who made it read and flow so much better. She did an amazing job, soooo helpful, and she even named it, which I was so thankful for because I had no idea!
Trust
by Charm
Ender knew better than to be the last one to leave the battle room after Dragon Army’s evening practices. Ender always knew better, but that didn’t matter. Especially when nothing seemed to matter to him anymore.
He knew Bonzo wanted his blood. Wanted to spill it, to taste it. Ender had to wonder if that would really be as bad as it seemed. Maybe then they would ease up on him, cut him some slack, or maybe, if he was really lucky, they’d ice him and he could go home.
Home.
Home to Valentine. And mother and father.
Home to Peter, too. Which meant anger and fear and pain and crying and hating himself and who he was, what he was.
But was that any different than here? Than Battle School?
Ender didn’t know which was the lesser evil anymore. Didn’t care.
He was getting lazy, careless. He was so tired, but no one seemed to care, or even notice. Not Anderson, and certainly not Graff. And all of the people he had called friends were now set up against him as his enemies.
Except Bean, his best soldier.
Bean could see it, could see Ender wearing thin, breaking down.
Could see his misery.
But was Bean his friend? Ender didn’t know, didn’t know who he could trust anymore, who he could call his friend.
Bean was aware, at least, and for that small reassurance, Ender was grateful. At least someone could see him. At least someone could see what he was going through.
It was Bean he sent away, Bean he put at a distance so that he couldn’t see how much Ender depended on him, how much he needed him.
He needed to be alone, and the confines of his commander’s quarters were too stifling to even consider.
Ender had never forgotten when he had watched Dink, floating out in the endless anti-gravity of the battle room; and Ender finally understood Dink’s need to feel free in a place where freedom was not an option.
He stripped off his flash suit, leaving it back in the corridor, and pushed himself out into the middle of the battle room.
He closed his eyes and listened to his blood thrum through his veins more and more slowly.
He could feel tears stinging the backs of his eyes. Could feel a wracking sob rising up in his throat.
But he wouldn’t cry.
Ender wasn’t even sure if he still knew how.
***
Bean knew it wouldn’t be long now. It wouldn’t be long before Ender was gone. Gone forever. They, the notorious They of Anderson, Graff, and God only knows who else, were pushing Ender closer and closer to the edge, to his breaking point.
Command School was obviously the next step. It was years before he was ever supposed to go there, but where Ender Wiggin was concerned, it was the only intelligent choice.
They would take Ender away from Battle School. Away from all he knew. All he loved. Just as they had when he was six years old.
Except now, Ender didn’t have a choice.
And neither did Bean, but then again he never really had. Battle School was still a haven for Bean, it had been an escape, not a sacrifice. Loving Ender hadn’t been a choice either. You couldn’t know Ender and not love him. You couldn’t watch him and not want to save him.
Ender would be gone now. And Bean would remain.
Bean knew a part of him would die when Ender left, and he couldn’t imagine a Battle School without him. Without being in awe of his brilliance or in pursuit of his approval; without his unquestioning acceptance and trust.
For all Bean’s rants and raves of how none of them mattered, nothing mattered, except defeating the Buggers, destroying them once and for all; they were the last thing he cared about.
All he cared about was that they were taking Ender.
Our Ender.
My Ender, thought Bean.
Away from him.
***
They came to take Ender only minutes after Dragon Army’s defeat of two opposing armies at once; they came when Bean was telling him of his own transfer and promotion to commander.
Graff gave Ender his transfer order and went to lead him from the room, but Ender caught Bean’s hand in his, if only for a moment, and Bean could feel his blood pumping through his veins quicker and quicker.
Ender let go and went to follow Graff.
“Wait,” said Bean. “Where are you going? Tactical? Navigational? Support?” asked Bean, even though he already knew the answer.
“Command School,” answered Ender.
“Pre-Command?”
“Command.” said Ender, and headed towards the door.
Before Bean could stop himself and think twice, he darted between Anderson and Graff to Ender and reached up, standing on his tip toes, to press his mouth against Ender’s.
Ender jolted with surprise, but brought his hands up around Bean’s ears gently, and pressed back firmly against Beans small, warm lips.
Bean pulled back a little, and looked up into Ender’s eyes, so clouded with fear and pain.
“It’s you Ender, I know it,” Bean could feel tears running in hot rivulets down his cheeks and onto Ender’s trembling hands, he was shocked to discover they were his own. “You will save us all.”
He threw his arm around him desperately, one last time, and whispered what could have been “Please don’t go…”
Ender was ripped away from him by Anderson or Graff, he didn’t know which, he didn’t care.
Bean ran to the door and watched them disappear down the corridor, with the distinct feeling that he would never see Ender again. Only when they were out of sight did Bean speak, quietly, and to himself.
“I love you Ender…please be brilliant…”
- end -