You said there would not be any reason to fear this world
Oh man, well this is my first entry, and i have no friends on this site, actually i do, but none of them know i have this...that's part of the point. in all likelihood, no one will read this, but i have some venting to do. so, about i dont know, three weeks ago or so, i broke up with my girlfriend of two months. it was somewhat mutual, but, she cried. remember this people, she cried, fucking fake tears. tonight i found out that two days later she was going out with some other guy, taking him to the same movie we went to, watching the same movie in her basement that we watched. i liked this girl people, i really did, but i didnt realize it until tonight. she fucking said that she loves this guy, after about three days she says this. this girl has no idea what the hell love is if she honestly believes that. what the fuck, she hardly knows him, she met him a month ago, and now she loves him. i never said i loved her, because i didnt, she never said she loved me, because she didnt, and she doesnt love him either. but you know what, i'll be ok, i'm bigger than this, i cant let this shit get to me, why the hell should i care. i think the thing that killed most of all is the fact that she's doing all the things with this guy that she did with me...it's as if our relationship never existed, like i was just a pre cursor to whatever she may have. but now i'll be left to digress into darkness with bukowski to protect me. with brand new to keep me sane. shit, fake tears, what the hell, does she think i need her simpathy because i dont. i dont need her sympathy or anyone elses sympathy, all i need is myself, my own thought. i just wish that i could have someone to love. i miss danielle, i miss innocence, i miss being able to love with all of my heart. i hate the feeling of tears in your throat, choking you, cutting off breath and life...shit, i didnt even really like this girl, but i wish that i did have someone that i really liked, but when i get them, i wish i didnt have them. i give up, i can say all the right things, i can try as hard as i want to win a girl over, but in the end, i'm nothing, i'm no one...i'm just another speck of sand in this desert that wont amount to anything, and will never have anyone. but i'm done, if you've read this, that's impressive, and i thank you, seeing as how i dont know you...i dont know, this may be my only entry, unless i feel like making another one...bye
Ender Williams
Ender Williams