He is the lamb...she is the slaughter
Well, it appears that more people read this now than i originally planned, but in the beginning the purpose of this was to be honest with myself, to get the stuff out on the computer that i was too scared to get out on paper because i didnt want to look at my handwriting with those words...i have to stay true to myself here, i'm sorry if this offends anyone, and i'm sorry if it makes people think less of me...but for the most part, this is fictitious, and i'm writing, if for no other reason, because i never have written anything sexual in my entire life. I need to get this out of my head...
I can't help but feel that this is the exact same situation...that i'm simply living out a memory, but the girl that used to be walking through the door in her underwear is covered over with the walking picture of a new girl...walking through the door in her underwear, like in a dream. me...i'm still the same, i'm in the exact same position, on the exact same bed, my camera angle hasnt changed whatsoever, it's the subject matter that has changed, her panties are green, i always like to make a note of that, that's how you remember. You take little pieces of them, colors, facial expressions, it's like a puzzle, you take those little pieces and you focus on them, you focus on them and everything else comes together. No doubt the green panties will help me remember. So she lies down on the bed beside me...this is always the hardest/most exciting part. I never know how to start these things, it's like, ok, here she is, looking me straight in the eye, we both know exactly what we're about to do, but we also know that if we're ever going to turn back, now is the time. Usually i end up just lying there i stare in their eyes, they stare in mine. Hers are brown, browns ok, blue is good, green is the best, multicolor always puzzles me, one girl had black...that was the most interesting, the same line kept repeating in my head, i dont know where it came from "Your eyes are black like the sin you're about to commit." This facial expression is another i'll add to the scrapbook that will help make every piece of this night come together. So now...after a good minute i can't hold out any longer, i go in for the kiss, kissing is interesting...in my opinion, every girl can be a good kisser if you kiss with them long enough, the one thing that no girl can change is their lips...some girls just have great lips. From this point the key is not to hurry...you have to take things slow, enjoy them let your hands slowly move up...then your lips move down...then your hands move down...then things get intersting. This is about the point where you forget faces, where, more or less, you forget everything, this is where male human nature kicks and you can't stop, or go back no matter how hard you try, no matter how dirty you feel, even if you know you're going to regret this in half an hour...you can not stop. Everything from here feels so good...you just close your eyes, and you're somewhere else, somewhere that you will never be while in a normal state unless you choose to do drugs...somewhere that nothing other than sexual behavior can bring you. Then...BAM...i'm back on my bed...i'm lying next to girl who thinks that she is the world to me, and is completely unaware of the fact that she's lying in the exact same spot as several girls before her...completely unaware that after this...everything goes downhill. As for me...this is where i start hating myself...every single time. I hate myself, because i'm lying there, on the same bed, in the same room, staring at the same ceiling, but one thing has changed...the girl in my arms, breathing hard and listening to my heart beat at the same pace...at this point i'd give anything to get away, to simply have chosen to stay at home and read, and gotten to sleep early in this same bed, without this girl lying in my arms. I am dirty...hollow, i wish i were alone, i wish i had never existed to do this to this girl, to hurt her, to be to her what that girl was to me. I want to get up and run, run out of my room, run down the stairs, run out of my house...from their i dont know, but i want to run, and leave everything i've done behind...
Instead, i lie here, and i whisper a hollow i love you in her ear...
E.W.
I can't help but feel that this is the exact same situation...that i'm simply living out a memory, but the girl that used to be walking through the door in her underwear is covered over with the walking picture of a new girl...walking through the door in her underwear, like in a dream. me...i'm still the same, i'm in the exact same position, on the exact same bed, my camera angle hasnt changed whatsoever, it's the subject matter that has changed, her panties are green, i always like to make a note of that, that's how you remember. You take little pieces of them, colors, facial expressions, it's like a puzzle, you take those little pieces and you focus on them, you focus on them and everything else comes together. No doubt the green panties will help me remember. So she lies down on the bed beside me...this is always the hardest/most exciting part. I never know how to start these things, it's like, ok, here she is, looking me straight in the eye, we both know exactly what we're about to do, but we also know that if we're ever going to turn back, now is the time. Usually i end up just lying there i stare in their eyes, they stare in mine. Hers are brown, browns ok, blue is good, green is the best, multicolor always puzzles me, one girl had black...that was the most interesting, the same line kept repeating in my head, i dont know where it came from "Your eyes are black like the sin you're about to commit." This facial expression is another i'll add to the scrapbook that will help make every piece of this night come together. So now...after a good minute i can't hold out any longer, i go in for the kiss, kissing is interesting...in my opinion, every girl can be a good kisser if you kiss with them long enough, the one thing that no girl can change is their lips...some girls just have great lips. From this point the key is not to hurry...you have to take things slow, enjoy them let your hands slowly move up...then your lips move down...then your hands move down...then things get intersting. This is about the point where you forget faces, where, more or less, you forget everything, this is where male human nature kicks and you can't stop, or go back no matter how hard you try, no matter how dirty you feel, even if you know you're going to regret this in half an hour...you can not stop. Everything from here feels so good...you just close your eyes, and you're somewhere else, somewhere that you will never be while in a normal state unless you choose to do drugs...somewhere that nothing other than sexual behavior can bring you. Then...BAM...i'm back on my bed...i'm lying next to girl who thinks that she is the world to me, and is completely unaware of the fact that she's lying in the exact same spot as several girls before her...completely unaware that after this...everything goes downhill. As for me...this is where i start hating myself...every single time. I hate myself, because i'm lying there, on the same bed, in the same room, staring at the same ceiling, but one thing has changed...the girl in my arms, breathing hard and listening to my heart beat at the same pace...at this point i'd give anything to get away, to simply have chosen to stay at home and read, and gotten to sleep early in this same bed, without this girl lying in my arms. I am dirty...hollow, i wish i were alone, i wish i had never existed to do this to this girl, to hurt her, to be to her what that girl was to me. I want to get up and run, run out of my room, run down the stairs, run out of my house...from their i dont know, but i want to run, and leave everything i've done behind...
Instead, i lie here, and i whisper a hollow i love you in her ear...
E.W.