Part 2
I was walking on the beach alone...the hot sand absolutely burning the hell out of my feet, and my loneliness absolutely burning the hell out of my mind. Honestly, walking on a beach just made it all the more clear just how lonely i truly was, there were so many beatiful girls there, and not one of them was mine, all that i could do was walk, and look. Constantly i felt overcome with lust, it paralyzed all other thought. When i saw Leslie i gave up the battle, i simply walked back towards my backpack and sat down. i stared out at the ocean thinking just how many girls there were out there that i would never encounter, and even if i did, wouldn't think twice about me. because i was so overcome with some sort of emotion i decided to right a poem, one that would undoubtedly suck, and sit lifeless like all my other works. As soon as i was finished i sat there and read some Fante, but i only got through one and one half pages, then a combination of my longing for Leslie, and the fact that my butt was burning caused me to get up. I walked over to her, convinced that i would at least attempt to win her over...i had it all planned out, and i guess it didnt sound so bad, at least in my head. So i walked over to her, reciting the words "Hi, my name is Ender, i'm from chicago and i have to leave in two days...i was just wondering if you'd be interested in walking on the beach with me for a little"
so finally, i got up to her, looked at her, was overcome by her beauty, felt my mind completely shut down, felt my body turn around and walk away. i sped up and returned nearly at a run to my backpack. i sat down and cursed myself...damn you ender, damn you, what the hell are you thinking, stop feeling sorry for youself for not being able to get any girls when you dont even have the balls to approach them. so after kicking and cursing myself some more, i walked back over to her, and this time she was with another guy, i felt my gut drop out and i walked back once again, this time at a slow, depressed, walking speed. How could i be so stupid? how could i let that one minute that i burned with my lack of heart cost me one of the most beautiful girls i had ever seen. I then convinced myself that i wouldnt let that piece of crap guy get between Leslie and i, because i would never have that chance again. so i got up, and i walked over for the third time, i couldnt feel the sand burning my feet or the loneliness burning my mind, i couldnt feel anything...i felt detached from myself, as if floating above watching a guy make a daring move. i walked up to her, and the guy was no longer by her side, i started the conversation with "I know this is extremely weird" knowing that me saying that would only make it weirder, then i continued with the afore mentioned monologue.
She replied with this "I really dont think i can, i leave early tomorrow morning, and i really need to go home soon." I pretended to be nice, pretended not to care, i gave my considerate "Oh, dont worry about it, that's cool, i was just wondering, but it's perfectly fine." She then apoligized, and i said again "Honestly, dont worry about it, it's fine." then i walked away, back to my backpack, and i sat down, and i felt sorry for myself, i said "well ender, at least you tried, at least now you can't say you didn't try." but that was no consolation, absolutely none. so i lied back and closed my eyes, the sun seemingly burning holes in my eyelids. Every five seconds i would look over at her, and each time i did, my heart would break a little more, then i saw that she was looking back at me, i could see my heart beating in my chest. i closed my eyes again, because i couldn't take looking at her, and soon i heard a voice say, "Hi"
It was Leslie, she told me that she hadn't given me a fair chance, so we sat and talked, i introduced myself again as Ender, and she as Leslie, she told me she was from sacramento, that she came up here once a summer for a week, that she listened to the same music as me, that she went to a catholic school, but hated religion, that she was really leaving the next day, that her cell phone number was 642-6286, that the guy she was talking to earlier had been a family friend, and much more. we walked on the beach for about an hour and a half, and i told her i'd call her the next morning at nine o clock, so we could see each other one more time before she left.
T.B.C.
E.W.
so finally, i got up to her, looked at her, was overcome by her beauty, felt my mind completely shut down, felt my body turn around and walk away. i sped up and returned nearly at a run to my backpack. i sat down and cursed myself...damn you ender, damn you, what the hell are you thinking, stop feeling sorry for youself for not being able to get any girls when you dont even have the balls to approach them. so after kicking and cursing myself some more, i walked back over to her, and this time she was with another guy, i felt my gut drop out and i walked back once again, this time at a slow, depressed, walking speed. How could i be so stupid? how could i let that one minute that i burned with my lack of heart cost me one of the most beautiful girls i had ever seen. I then convinced myself that i wouldnt let that piece of crap guy get between Leslie and i, because i would never have that chance again. so i got up, and i walked over for the third time, i couldnt feel the sand burning my feet or the loneliness burning my mind, i couldnt feel anything...i felt detached from myself, as if floating above watching a guy make a daring move. i walked up to her, and the guy was no longer by her side, i started the conversation with "I know this is extremely weird" knowing that me saying that would only make it weirder, then i continued with the afore mentioned monologue.
She replied with this "I really dont think i can, i leave early tomorrow morning, and i really need to go home soon." I pretended to be nice, pretended not to care, i gave my considerate "Oh, dont worry about it, that's cool, i was just wondering, but it's perfectly fine." She then apoligized, and i said again "Honestly, dont worry about it, it's fine." then i walked away, back to my backpack, and i sat down, and i felt sorry for myself, i said "well ender, at least you tried, at least now you can't say you didn't try." but that was no consolation, absolutely none. so i lied back and closed my eyes, the sun seemingly burning holes in my eyelids. Every five seconds i would look over at her, and each time i did, my heart would break a little more, then i saw that she was looking back at me, i could see my heart beating in my chest. i closed my eyes again, because i couldn't take looking at her, and soon i heard a voice say, "Hi"
It was Leslie, she told me that she hadn't given me a fair chance, so we sat and talked, i introduced myself again as Ender, and she as Leslie, she told me she was from sacramento, that she came up here once a summer for a week, that she listened to the same music as me, that she went to a catholic school, but hated religion, that she was really leaving the next day, that her cell phone number was 642-6286, that the guy she was talking to earlier had been a family friend, and much more. we walked on the beach for about an hour and a half, and i told her i'd call her the next morning at nine o clock, so we could see each other one more time before she left.
T.B.C.
E.W.