Wish me luck with these next few days :).
Well, I'd like to open this entry hoping that Adam is totally right about tomorrow. He thinks there'll be no school due to freezing rain. He's more then likely wrong and just being incredibly naive..But I kinda just hope he's right, because this break went by way to quickly.
Now, I was originally planning on writing this entry 'round 1-2am when I'm nice and tired and unorganized, but I'm actually incredibly bored atm, and I just went over all of chapter 6 for bio..And god damn am I ever going to have to reread that chapter..There's so many hormones in our bodies :(.
I'd like to get the ball rolling with how my break went. The short answer? Way to fast.. But that's far from being descriptive, and I hate taking the easy way out..often.. :/.
I really can't say I'm disappointed with how things went. I got a lot done this break..Life wise. I hung out with the people I enjoy the most, and I even got to hang out with Ste for the first time since the Villanova dance show. Me, him, Nick, Courtney and Nick's brother went public skating..I can't believe how much I miss skating aimlessly. I hope the creek ends up freezing so that I can just randomly go skating there sometime..I haven't done that since grade 8?
Back on topic though..So after skating, we all went back to Nick's house and hung out for a bit, then me, and Ste met up with Nikky at Silver City and watched Freedom Writers. The movie itself was amazing, but just hanging out with those two friends..Whom I haven't really hung out with in ever..Was nice, and appreciated. After the movie me and Nikky went back to Nikky's, and I crashed there for the night. We ended up staying up until around..3:30? and just watched degrassi and talked. Fuck do I ever need more nights like that ^_^.
I don't know why I was so descriptive with that night though..Because I'm definitely not going to describe every night of the break, and that wasn't even my favorite, I guess I just really need to find more time for friends >_<, or they need to find more time for me..But I think we both need to do that :/.
My actual favorite night was New Years Eve, for various reasons..And well, if you really know me, you'll know what they are :).
I wish I could say drivers ed was my least favorite, but you know..Even that went by pretty quickly, probably because I didn't do it alone, but there were some moments where I wish I had >_<; that kinda leaks into it's own category though.
My love life? If that's what you want to call it, went through some incredible extremes :/. It's crazy how much control women have over how a guy'll feel. How the simplest thing can bring them down, and the most devastating thing'll produce some short lived feeling. I think love's all about the little things, and I think throughout this break, I experienced a lot of those..Both for good, and for bad. My love's been tested, and time became a pretty huge issue. I have no idea how I'm going to be able to handle all of it, hopefully well, because you're worth it..But you know it's going to be more complicated then that.
It's funny though, because I said women have so much control over how a guy can feel..But it's not like they start out with that kinda control. It all comes down to how much the guy's willing to let the girl in..And how much they're willing to bring to the table; to let their walls down, even if that means their heart's defenseless. I've felt love before, but I know it wasn't anything like this. Then, I could still be hurt..But my walls weren't down, and I didn't bring much at all to the table. I think it was more the person I loved was really good at making me feel loved back.
With you though, it's different. I'd love you regardless if you hated me. Around you, I'm defenseless, and it feels great to never have to worry about what I'm going to say. To never have to worry about it coming to bite me in the ass. With you, I'm free..But what I like the most, is that you know all of this, but don't take advantage of it. You'd never hurt me unless you had to, but sometimes I worry you try to hard not to hurt me. Love's not all smiles..And I do expect to be hurt from time to time..Especially in the position I'm in :/.
I wouldn't change a thing about you, not even your current relationship status >_<. Any change that happens with you..Has got to be something you want, and that's something I'm more then willing to live with; you're something I'm willing to wait around for...And it won't be easy..And I will be incredibly fucked up, and bitter, and cynical from time to time..And you may end up hating me at one point or another, but I can promise you..My love for you is never going to die. To date, it's only grown stronger, and even if nothing ever happens..Everything that has happened so far can already out weigh anything bad in the future.
I love you. And that's illegal ^_^. I break my own rules to often sometimes.
God was that ever disgustingly mushy though. Sometimes I wonder how somebody as cold as I am can write something so warm. It's probably got something to do with my dysfunctional heart.
Onto something a little different though..
Last entry I made, I talked about a lot of things, but I forgot to even mention my parents getting a divorce. I realized I hadn't mentioned that shortly after I wrote the entry..And started to wonder how I forgot about it. Then it hit me how little that divorce actually effected me. It's funny actually... Because my mom left my dad, somehow playing it off as if she was the victim.. But my house hasn't been happier since she left. That may sound horrible, but I guess I just never noticed how many problems were caused by my mother.
I still love her, even if she made my family life very difficult at times..But I don't miss her. I don't miss any of the things she did..At least, not in the recent years. I do miss my old mom though..Back when I was a kid. I can still see it in her from time to time..However, it's all but a lost cause to expect that mom to ever come back.
She plays it off like every thing's much better now that she's living alone..and it's somewhat fucking my family over, financially, since she doesn't work :/, but I kinda feel bad for her... Because I know that being alone can really fuck with anybody, and I know she gets totally depressed from time to time. I'm a lot like my mom in some ways, and so I especially know how she probably feels being alone >_<. That's also one of the reasons I visit her from time to time, even if it means listening to one of her insane lectures; because seeing her eyes light up when we all go over..Is pretty nice.
That was another pretty random topic though..so maybe it's time I stop the **DIGRESSION** and just end this entry with me saying I really enjoy this break, and some might think the incredible extremes of feelings I felt would make this break less interesting..But knowing I can feel those extremes with somebody else makes up for it.
A few things I've got to do in the next few days though:
-Cut hair
-Apply for university (TOMORROW)
-Finish all these bio isu's, chem lab's, and my french project.
-Study for my bio test (TOMORROW)
-Spend the last 10-12ish days in class working my ass off (I really hope I can pull this one off)
-Get around an 85% average..So that I make it into university :).
-Not take out all my stress on the one's that mean the most to me..Because I promise you right now, I'm going to be very stressed out ^_^.
-Re-evaluate my priorities
And to end everything..I'll close with a song I kinda like..But it's free verse, so it may hurt your eyes >.< :
Throwing A Burning Match On An Ocean Of Oil
I just wanna know, am I wasting my time? What is crossing the line? Being more than friends. A road that never ends, A room without walls. I'm willing to risk it all. Throw fire on the ice. You melt my insides. The pounding in my head, the churning in my gut. The burning in my soul for you. Pour another one down, a life lived to regret. But it's not over yet. Shot in both the knees. I'm blind but still I see. Pain without the hurt. You're dangerous, but still I flirt. Break the glass to hear the sound. What to do now? The pounding in my head, the churning in my gut, the burning in my soul for you. I try, but your apathy high. You break me down, but I don't mind. So take away my pride, build a wall of lies. A dark and stormy sky, reflects the hurt in my eyes. You break me down, you break me down, you break me down, but I don't mind...
Bye!
Now, I was originally planning on writing this entry 'round 1-2am when I'm nice and tired and unorganized, but I'm actually incredibly bored atm, and I just went over all of chapter 6 for bio..And god damn am I ever going to have to reread that chapter..There's so many hormones in our bodies :(.
I'd like to get the ball rolling with how my break went. The short answer? Way to fast.. But that's far from being descriptive, and I hate taking the easy way out..often.. :/.
I really can't say I'm disappointed with how things went. I got a lot done this break..Life wise. I hung out with the people I enjoy the most, and I even got to hang out with Ste for the first time since the Villanova dance show. Me, him, Nick, Courtney and Nick's brother went public skating..I can't believe how much I miss skating aimlessly. I hope the creek ends up freezing so that I can just randomly go skating there sometime..I haven't done that since grade 8?
Back on topic though..So after skating, we all went back to Nick's house and hung out for a bit, then me, and Ste met up with Nikky at Silver City and watched Freedom Writers. The movie itself was amazing, but just hanging out with those two friends..Whom I haven't really hung out with in ever..Was nice, and appreciated. After the movie me and Nikky went back to Nikky's, and I crashed there for the night. We ended up staying up until around..3:30? and just watched degrassi and talked. Fuck do I ever need more nights like that ^_^.
I don't know why I was so descriptive with that night though..Because I'm definitely not going to describe every night of the break, and that wasn't even my favorite, I guess I just really need to find more time for friends >_<, or they need to find more time for me..But I think we both need to do that :/.
My actual favorite night was New Years Eve, for various reasons..And well, if you really know me, you'll know what they are :).
I wish I could say drivers ed was my least favorite, but you know..Even that went by pretty quickly, probably because I didn't do it alone, but there were some moments where I wish I had >_<; that kinda leaks into it's own category though.
My love life? If that's what you want to call it, went through some incredible extremes :/. It's crazy how much control women have over how a guy'll feel. How the simplest thing can bring them down, and the most devastating thing'll produce some short lived feeling. I think love's all about the little things, and I think throughout this break, I experienced a lot of those..Both for good, and for bad. My love's been tested, and time became a pretty huge issue. I have no idea how I'm going to be able to handle all of it, hopefully well, because you're worth it..But you know it's going to be more complicated then that.
It's funny though, because I said women have so much control over how a guy can feel..But it's not like they start out with that kinda control. It all comes down to how much the guy's willing to let the girl in..And how much they're willing to bring to the table; to let their walls down, even if that means their heart's defenseless. I've felt love before, but I know it wasn't anything like this. Then, I could still be hurt..But my walls weren't down, and I didn't bring much at all to the table. I think it was more the person I loved was really good at making me feel loved back.
With you though, it's different. I'd love you regardless if you hated me. Around you, I'm defenseless, and it feels great to never have to worry about what I'm going to say. To never have to worry about it coming to bite me in the ass. With you, I'm free..But what I like the most, is that you know all of this, but don't take advantage of it. You'd never hurt me unless you had to, but sometimes I worry you try to hard not to hurt me. Love's not all smiles..And I do expect to be hurt from time to time..Especially in the position I'm in :/.
I wouldn't change a thing about you, not even your current relationship status >_<. Any change that happens with you..Has got to be something you want, and that's something I'm more then willing to live with; you're something I'm willing to wait around for...And it won't be easy..And I will be incredibly fucked up, and bitter, and cynical from time to time..And you may end up hating me at one point or another, but I can promise you..My love for you is never going to die. To date, it's only grown stronger, and even if nothing ever happens..Everything that has happened so far can already out weigh anything bad in the future.
I love you. And that's illegal ^_^. I break my own rules to often sometimes.
God was that ever disgustingly mushy though. Sometimes I wonder how somebody as cold as I am can write something so warm. It's probably got something to do with my dysfunctional heart.
Onto something a little different though..
Last entry I made, I talked about a lot of things, but I forgot to even mention my parents getting a divorce. I realized I hadn't mentioned that shortly after I wrote the entry..And started to wonder how I forgot about it. Then it hit me how little that divorce actually effected me. It's funny actually... Because my mom left my dad, somehow playing it off as if she was the victim.. But my house hasn't been happier since she left. That may sound horrible, but I guess I just never noticed how many problems were caused by my mother.
I still love her, even if she made my family life very difficult at times..But I don't miss her. I don't miss any of the things she did..At least, not in the recent years. I do miss my old mom though..Back when I was a kid. I can still see it in her from time to time..However, it's all but a lost cause to expect that mom to ever come back.
She plays it off like every thing's much better now that she's living alone..and it's somewhat fucking my family over, financially, since she doesn't work :/, but I kinda feel bad for her... Because I know that being alone can really fuck with anybody, and I know she gets totally depressed from time to time. I'm a lot like my mom in some ways, and so I especially know how she probably feels being alone >_<. That's also one of the reasons I visit her from time to time, even if it means listening to one of her insane lectures; because seeing her eyes light up when we all go over..Is pretty nice.
That was another pretty random topic though..so maybe it's time I stop the **DIGRESSION** and just end this entry with me saying I really enjoy this break, and some might think the incredible extremes of feelings I felt would make this break less interesting..But knowing I can feel those extremes with somebody else makes up for it.
A few things I've got to do in the next few days though:
-Cut hair
-Apply for university (TOMORROW)
-Finish all these bio isu's, chem lab's, and my french project.
-Study for my bio test (TOMORROW)
-Spend the last 10-12ish days in class working my ass off (I really hope I can pull this one off)
-Get around an 85% average..So that I make it into university :).
-Not take out all my stress on the one's that mean the most to me..Because I promise you right now, I'm going to be very stressed out ^_^.
-Re-evaluate my priorities
And to end everything..I'll close with a song I kinda like..But it's free verse, so it may hurt your eyes >.< :
Throwing A Burning Match On An Ocean Of Oil
I just wanna know, am I wasting my time? What is crossing the line? Being more than friends. A road that never ends, A room without walls. I'm willing to risk it all. Throw fire on the ice. You melt my insides. The pounding in my head, the churning in my gut. The burning in my soul for you. Pour another one down, a life lived to regret. But it's not over yet. Shot in both the knees. I'm blind but still I see. Pain without the hurt. You're dangerous, but still I flirt. Break the glass to hear the sound. What to do now? The pounding in my head, the churning in my gut, the burning in my soul for you. I try, but your apathy high. You break me down, but I don't mind. So take away my pride, build a wall of lies. A dark and stormy sky, reflects the hurt in my eyes. You break me down, you break me down, you break me down, but I don't mind...
Bye!