How's It Going To End?
lol, 2:48am..Christmas day, what the hell am I doing awake is what's going through my mind right now, amongst other things.
This week has been an interesting one, to say the least..With loads of highs, and lots of lows. The lows are kinda expected 'round this time of the year, but the highs were more then welcome as well.
I've been doing a lot of thinking, as I ate half a damn pie, drank some pure chocolate milk, and watched The Truman Show. Thinking a lot about life..About the future..And about this damn day, and what it means to me.
Christmas, for a good amount of years now, has meant very little to me. In fact, it's one of the more depressing days in this year for me, for various reasons. Now, I started this day off feeling pretty good, it still hadn't even hit me that it was Christmas, mostly on account of the lack of cheer in my house, and snow in my backyard. However, as the day progressed, I guess it kind of hit me.
I went to my grandma's, and that was pretty good, till I fell asleep in her warm basement. The nap itself was fine, but when I woke up, Krista and Rob were watching It's A Wonderful World. That movie always half makes me happy, half makes me sad...It's to bad that I only had time to catch the sad half of the movie :/. From there, things took a turn for the worse, and I fell into one of my damn Christmas funks.
You see, the thing is, I have no damn idea what Christmas means to me. I don't care for Jesus, and I sure as hell am not a fan of presents. The only thing I really enjoy about this holiday is spending time with the one's I love, and seeing the look on my little sisters faces every Christmas morning.
This Christmas, however, was different for them. It's the first Christmas since my rents got divorced, and although the divorce didn't bother me, it may have bothered them..Obviously. Not having their mom around the house..Well, she may be a selfish cow sometimes, but she was the main source of Christmas spirit in this house, and even though what she does isn't always right, her heart's more/less always in the right place.
So yeah, in short, the Tree wasn't even decorated when the twins went to bed. That kinda killed me a bit. My little sister Alexa left Santa a note asking for snow and a surprise. That killed me some more. I could go for some snow too..
After Kaila tried to make me feel better (thanks), I kinda got off, and asked my sister where the Christmas lights were. She had no idea, and said she'd look for them in the morning..That sucked, so that's around the time I decided..Pie would be nice ^_^. Then, out of no where, my sister came down with the box of Christmas tree stuff. Long story short, me, her, and Rob, spent the next half hour decorating the tree, talking about all our other Christmas', reminiscing. We joked about how I always get depressed around Christmas, and how so does my mom, kinda frightening, but we also talked about how some girl from my mom's grade school talked about how my mom used to be like..A genius, or something. She's changed a whole lot since then, and has come a helluva long way, and though I may not agree with a lot of things she does, and will do, I love her with all my heart.
I really cheered up after I finished decorating the tree though, but..That pie was still out, and I wasn't tired, so I told Krista goodnight, and then watched that movie with my brother..Till he passed out, so I figured I'd write a little lj, since I'm not all that tired.
Now that that Christmas story is out of the way, I guess I'd just like to say what I'm thankful for this year.
It's a little on the over played side, but I'm damn thankful to be alive, and to have so many memories backing set life. I'm thankful for my family, and how they're all safe tonight. I'm thankful for my friends, because I don't know where I'd be without them. I'm thankful for love, because without it, without you, I'd probably be a whole lot worse off, not that I'm doing that bad as is. I'm thankful for every second up to this one..And I'm hopeful for many more amazing memories to come.
Though I'm expecting to be back at my usual Christmas low by tomorrow morning, I'm damn glad I'm not feeling it right now, because this entry could be a whole lot more pessimistic, and a whole lot less thankful ^_^.
I think it's bed time though, maybe I'll do a reflection post for new years..But who the hell cares to plan that far ahead :).
Merry Christmas To All
And To All A Good Night
I've been really into Billy Talent's old cd lately to..So forgive me for this :/.
"Line And Sinker"
What you see is what you get (don't you know)
Fishing for the answer with a line and sinker
Look at me and don't forget (don't you know)
Hard to get a grip with all these broken fingers
[x2]
Today I don't feel pretty
And i'm tired of trying to fit right in
Don't think that you're so great
Cause being great must suck
We don't always see the bright side
We all need ego suicide
You hung my id today
But I have licked my wounds and carried on
Everybody needs some sympathy
Santa seemed to miss my chimney
Reality is truly scaring me
So stand up straight and firmly say
What you see is what you get (don't you know)
Fishing for the answer with a line and sinker
Look at me and don't forget (don't you know)
Hard to get a grip with all these broken fingers
[x2]
My heart is in the right place
So wipe that smirk right off your face
Don't make me feel like that
Cause that's just plain not nice
We don't always see the bright side
And I lied when I said I was fine
You slapped my face today
But I have licked my wounds and carried on
Everybody needs some sympathy
Santa seemed to miss my chimney
Reality is truly scaring me
So stand up straight and firmly say
What you see is what you get (don't you know)
Fishing for the answer with a line and sinker
Look at me and don't forget (don't you know)
Hard to get a grip with all these broken fingers
[x2]
Everybody needs some sympathy
Santa seemed to miss my chimney
You stole my luck from me
And now my fortune cookie's empty
Cause you came and you stole it all from me
So stand up straight and firmly say
What you see is what you get (don't you know)
Fishing for the answer with a line and sinker
Look at me and don't forget (don't you know)
Hard to get a grip with all these broken fingers
[x2]
This week has been an interesting one, to say the least..With loads of highs, and lots of lows. The lows are kinda expected 'round this time of the year, but the highs were more then welcome as well.
I've been doing a lot of thinking, as I ate half a damn pie, drank some pure chocolate milk, and watched The Truman Show. Thinking a lot about life..About the future..And about this damn day, and what it means to me.
Christmas, for a good amount of years now, has meant very little to me. In fact, it's one of the more depressing days in this year for me, for various reasons. Now, I started this day off feeling pretty good, it still hadn't even hit me that it was Christmas, mostly on account of the lack of cheer in my house, and snow in my backyard. However, as the day progressed, I guess it kind of hit me.
I went to my grandma's, and that was pretty good, till I fell asleep in her warm basement. The nap itself was fine, but when I woke up, Krista and Rob were watching It's A Wonderful World. That movie always half makes me happy, half makes me sad...It's to bad that I only had time to catch the sad half of the movie :/. From there, things took a turn for the worse, and I fell into one of my damn Christmas funks.
You see, the thing is, I have no damn idea what Christmas means to me. I don't care for Jesus, and I sure as hell am not a fan of presents. The only thing I really enjoy about this holiday is spending time with the one's I love, and seeing the look on my little sisters faces every Christmas morning.
This Christmas, however, was different for them. It's the first Christmas since my rents got divorced, and although the divorce didn't bother me, it may have bothered them..Obviously. Not having their mom around the house..Well, she may be a selfish cow sometimes, but she was the main source of Christmas spirit in this house, and even though what she does isn't always right, her heart's more/less always in the right place.
So yeah, in short, the Tree wasn't even decorated when the twins went to bed. That kinda killed me a bit. My little sister Alexa left Santa a note asking for snow and a surprise. That killed me some more. I could go for some snow too..
After Kaila tried to make me feel better (thanks), I kinda got off, and asked my sister where the Christmas lights were. She had no idea, and said she'd look for them in the morning..That sucked, so that's around the time I decided..Pie would be nice ^_^. Then, out of no where, my sister came down with the box of Christmas tree stuff. Long story short, me, her, and Rob, spent the next half hour decorating the tree, talking about all our other Christmas', reminiscing. We joked about how I always get depressed around Christmas, and how so does my mom, kinda frightening, but we also talked about how some girl from my mom's grade school talked about how my mom used to be like..A genius, or something. She's changed a whole lot since then, and has come a helluva long way, and though I may not agree with a lot of things she does, and will do, I love her with all my heart.
I really cheered up after I finished decorating the tree though, but..That pie was still out, and I wasn't tired, so I told Krista goodnight, and then watched that movie with my brother..Till he passed out, so I figured I'd write a little lj, since I'm not all that tired.
Now that that Christmas story is out of the way, I guess I'd just like to say what I'm thankful for this year.
It's a little on the over played side, but I'm damn thankful to be alive, and to have so many memories backing set life. I'm thankful for my family, and how they're all safe tonight. I'm thankful for my friends, because I don't know where I'd be without them. I'm thankful for love, because without it, without you, I'd probably be a whole lot worse off, not that I'm doing that bad as is. I'm thankful for every second up to this one..And I'm hopeful for many more amazing memories to come.
Though I'm expecting to be back at my usual Christmas low by tomorrow morning, I'm damn glad I'm not feeling it right now, because this entry could be a whole lot more pessimistic, and a whole lot less thankful ^_^.
I think it's bed time though, maybe I'll do a reflection post for new years..But who the hell cares to plan that far ahead :).
Merry Christmas To All
And To All A Good Night
I've been really into Billy Talent's old cd lately to..So forgive me for this :/.
"Line And Sinker"
What you see is what you get (don't you know)
Fishing for the answer with a line and sinker
Look at me and don't forget (don't you know)
Hard to get a grip with all these broken fingers
[x2]
Today I don't feel pretty
And i'm tired of trying to fit right in
Don't think that you're so great
Cause being great must suck
We don't always see the bright side
We all need ego suicide
You hung my id today
But I have licked my wounds and carried on
Everybody needs some sympathy
Santa seemed to miss my chimney
Reality is truly scaring me
So stand up straight and firmly say
What you see is what you get (don't you know)
Fishing for the answer with a line and sinker
Look at me and don't forget (don't you know)
Hard to get a grip with all these broken fingers
[x2]
My heart is in the right place
So wipe that smirk right off your face
Don't make me feel like that
Cause that's just plain not nice
We don't always see the bright side
And I lied when I said I was fine
You slapped my face today
But I have licked my wounds and carried on
Everybody needs some sympathy
Santa seemed to miss my chimney
Reality is truly scaring me
So stand up straight and firmly say
What you see is what you get (don't you know)
Fishing for the answer with a line and sinker
Look at me and don't forget (don't you know)
Hard to get a grip with all these broken fingers
[x2]
Everybody needs some sympathy
Santa seemed to miss my chimney
You stole my luck from me
And now my fortune cookie's empty
Cause you came and you stole it all from me
So stand up straight and firmly say
What you see is what you get (don't you know)
Fishing for the answer with a line and sinker
Look at me and don't forget (don't you know)
Hard to get a grip with all these broken fingers
[x2]