Mourir les yeux ouverts
Hummmm..It's a Saturday night, and I'm stuck at home writing a 1:30am lj..Something is seriously wrong with this picture, I just can't figure it out yet ^_^. I actually could be out tonight, Nick wanted to do something..But I figured I'd actually be responsible for once, and declined him+marvel ultimate alliance for..Ouefs Frappes? Well, that's actually a lame french book I've got to read, but I also just had some scrambled egg sandwiches, so I guess I did a bit of both..Though the french is only half done. Damn distractions..And short attention span :/.
Now that all that smalltalk's out of the way, I suppose I should get down to business, considering I wanna get this done asap, so that I can do the dishes..Shower..Then get the hell to sleep.
Now, I normally don't write serious entries when I'm overall happy, because, well, happiness writes whites (if any of you know what song that is)..But at special request combined with my being intolerably bored...I figure I'll put something together...Even though that's what Sunday's are for :/.
How've I felt since last time I posted? Pretty good I'd say. I've either been incredibly happy or incredibly down lately. It's far from the bipolar kinds of mood changes, but more I just either view things from an optimistic stand point, or a pessimistic stand point. Now, the pessimistic p.o.v. normally tends to dominate, but I've been giving other thought processes the chance to breathe. It felts pretty different, and probably won't last, but like all radical new things I do, it does have a few bonus', like not feeling entirely shitty? Though, the absence of that feeling has left me with much more time to stress over school, and actually get pretty worried over grades :/, that algebra test Friday damn near killed me..The worst part was, the stuff that I was really worried over..Wasn't even on the damn test. The stuff on the test, I was good at, but by the time I got to the test, I was still so stressed, and apparently when I get stressed I start to do dumb mistakes like switch up my plus' n minus' and multiplications :(. So I ended up fixing most of my mistakes when there was hardly any time left, so if he can follow my rly blurry writing, I'll be fine..If not, I failed that test ^_^.
Talking about school is pretty lame though, so let's maybe get back to the topic on hand, shall we?
This optimism vs. pessimism debate has really been taking a toll on my life :/. I guess you'd need a brief history lesson before you could understand why I'm pro-pessimism, but since I've got neither the time, nor the patience to go into detail..Let's just say life made me a tad bit negative. It may just be a self-defense mechanism my mind implemented ages ago, or it could just be the most realistic outcome, but whatever the reason is, I'm just always seeing a half empty glass. Optimism does, however, have it's benefits. The thing with optimism is you don't tend to feel shitty until your hope has actually been shot to hell..But when that does happen, well, I could see some people having breakdowns, depending the scenario >_<, especially if they remain optimistic after...X amount of hope's being shattered. Breakdowns aside, there are, however, other benefits: having faith in somebody else can go a long way.
I think that's the reason I'm both pessimistic and optimistic at once. Pessimistic, because I'm often really expecting the worse, but then on certain nights I'm just like..Wow..I really can't see anything bad happening. Nights like last night, where you wish you could just stop time, because you just know it's moving that much faster when you want it to slow down. Nights where you're just thankful that they're even still around, after everything you've put THEM through; and not the other way around. Those are the kind of nights where you realize that yeah, things are far from perfect, and not all times are going to be even close to as amazing as these times, but you just feel that everything's gunna be alright in time, it's just a little longer then you'd like to wait :/. But nobody ever likes waiting anyways...the best things just make the wait bearable.
I really don't know what to expect in the future, good or bad, but right now it just feels like things'll be alright, someday. There'll be so many obstacles in the way, that much is certain, but I could use the exorcise anyways..And with the sense of humor I've got, I'm sure I'll be making many more fat jokes at my own expense ^_^.
I certainly don't intend to maintain this current mood, what with being human and all, and everything could go to hell from one day to the next, but eh...I figured it might as well be recorded that I was optimistic at some point in my life..So I may use it against other people in the future; but more importantly..Have it used against me.
This entry's getting a little to love-orientated for my taste though..And if you don't know why, then you're probably confused as fuck, but life's all about that anyways..The confusion..And well, I guess the love aswell :/. And I could say "get the fuck off my lj" to anybody who doesn't know every detail about my life..But to know every single why behind me, is, well, asking a lot. I don't expect most of the people reading these to know me close to 100%, I just feel comfortable sharing my thoughts with all of you. The feedback's not always honest, but I know you all have eyes, and that's what I like.
I think it's high time I do those dishes though, or my sis may be mildly disappointed come tomorrow, and I still wanna take a good ol' fashion 2:30am shower, so I can't stick around here much longer.
Before I'm off, I've got a brief apology to anybody I was horrible to while stressing this past week:
Guys, I'm a bastard when I'm under a lot of pressure, especially when it's pressure I may not be able to handle, so I may have said some horrible things to some of you, because..well..that's just what I do in those situations. It's far from my ideal way of dealing with my problems, and it actually has made a good portion of them worse, but I guess I'd just like to say sorry to anybody I may have been a dick to, and I'd also like to thank you all for putting up with my shit..Time and time again. The one's I've got in mind mean the world to me, and though most of them won't be reading this, I just thought I ought to let you all know that I'm eternally grateful for your presence in my life. You guys are the best.
No individual shout outs tonight though, but if you're reading this, you'll have a pretty good idea as to whether or not you fit in my "grateful for your presence in my life" category.
To many people in our world can relate to this song:
Parce que la nuit touche à sa fin,
Et parce qu'on ne fait pas de prisonnière,
Parce qu'il ne reste aucun matin,
Mourir les yeux ouverts...
Parce que le temps des assassins,
Parce que l'argent, l'argent aime la misère,
Parce que tout ça c'est pas pour rien,
Mourir les yeux ouverts...
Parce que le rêve américain,
Parce que longtemps dans le désert,
Parce que le ciel revient de loin,
Mourir les yeux ouverts...
Parce que les femmes à demi-nues,
Parce que l'amour n'a rien pu faire,
Parce que personne ne nous à vu,
Mourir les yeux ouverts...
Parce que Mahomet ou Jésus
Parce que trop longue, trop longue est la prière,
Parce que certains se sont perdus,
Mourir les yeux ouverts...
Parce que le combat continue,
Parce que la balle passe à travers,
Parce qu'un jour la Lumière fut,
Mourir les yeux ouverts...
Mourir sans même en avoir l'air,
Sans même avoir envie de plaire,
Mourir les yeux ouverts...
Really drained though, so I'm ending this now :).
Goodnight all you crazy kids.
And I know I say this enough as is, but I love you.
Now that all that smalltalk's out of the way, I suppose I should get down to business, considering I wanna get this done asap, so that I can do the dishes..Shower..Then get the hell to sleep.
Now, I normally don't write serious entries when I'm overall happy, because, well, happiness writes whites (if any of you know what song that is)..But at special request combined with my being intolerably bored...I figure I'll put something together...Even though that's what Sunday's are for :/.
How've I felt since last time I posted? Pretty good I'd say. I've either been incredibly happy or incredibly down lately. It's far from the bipolar kinds of mood changes, but more I just either view things from an optimistic stand point, or a pessimistic stand point. Now, the pessimistic p.o.v. normally tends to dominate, but I've been giving other thought processes the chance to breathe. It felts pretty different, and probably won't last, but like all radical new things I do, it does have a few bonus', like not feeling entirely shitty? Though, the absence of that feeling has left me with much more time to stress over school, and actually get pretty worried over grades :/, that algebra test Friday damn near killed me..The worst part was, the stuff that I was really worried over..Wasn't even on the damn test. The stuff on the test, I was good at, but by the time I got to the test, I was still so stressed, and apparently when I get stressed I start to do dumb mistakes like switch up my plus' n minus' and multiplications :(. So I ended up fixing most of my mistakes when there was hardly any time left, so if he can follow my rly blurry writing, I'll be fine..If not, I failed that test ^_^.
Talking about school is pretty lame though, so let's maybe get back to the topic on hand, shall we?
This optimism vs. pessimism debate has really been taking a toll on my life :/. I guess you'd need a brief history lesson before you could understand why I'm pro-pessimism, but since I've got neither the time, nor the patience to go into detail..Let's just say life made me a tad bit negative. It may just be a self-defense mechanism my mind implemented ages ago, or it could just be the most realistic outcome, but whatever the reason is, I'm just always seeing a half empty glass. Optimism does, however, have it's benefits. The thing with optimism is you don't tend to feel shitty until your hope has actually been shot to hell..But when that does happen, well, I could see some people having breakdowns, depending the scenario >_<, especially if they remain optimistic after...X amount of hope's being shattered. Breakdowns aside, there are, however, other benefits: having faith in somebody else can go a long way.
I think that's the reason I'm both pessimistic and optimistic at once. Pessimistic, because I'm often really expecting the worse, but then on certain nights I'm just like..Wow..I really can't see anything bad happening. Nights like last night, where you wish you could just stop time, because you just know it's moving that much faster when you want it to slow down. Nights where you're just thankful that they're even still around, after everything you've put THEM through; and not the other way around. Those are the kind of nights where you realize that yeah, things are far from perfect, and not all times are going to be even close to as amazing as these times, but you just feel that everything's gunna be alright in time, it's just a little longer then you'd like to wait :/. But nobody ever likes waiting anyways...the best things just make the wait bearable.
I really don't know what to expect in the future, good or bad, but right now it just feels like things'll be alright, someday. There'll be so many obstacles in the way, that much is certain, but I could use the exorcise anyways..And with the sense of humor I've got, I'm sure I'll be making many more fat jokes at my own expense ^_^.
I certainly don't intend to maintain this current mood, what with being human and all, and everything could go to hell from one day to the next, but eh...I figured it might as well be recorded that I was optimistic at some point in my life..So I may use it against other people in the future; but more importantly..Have it used against me.
This entry's getting a little to love-orientated for my taste though..And if you don't know why, then you're probably confused as fuck, but life's all about that anyways..The confusion..And well, I guess the love aswell :/. And I could say "get the fuck off my lj" to anybody who doesn't know every detail about my life..But to know every single why behind me, is, well, asking a lot. I don't expect most of the people reading these to know me close to 100%, I just feel comfortable sharing my thoughts with all of you. The feedback's not always honest, but I know you all have eyes, and that's what I like.
I think it's high time I do those dishes though, or my sis may be mildly disappointed come tomorrow, and I still wanna take a good ol' fashion 2:30am shower, so I can't stick around here much longer.
Before I'm off, I've got a brief apology to anybody I was horrible to while stressing this past week:
Guys, I'm a bastard when I'm under a lot of pressure, especially when it's pressure I may not be able to handle, so I may have said some horrible things to some of you, because..well..that's just what I do in those situations. It's far from my ideal way of dealing with my problems, and it actually has made a good portion of them worse, but I guess I'd just like to say sorry to anybody I may have been a dick to, and I'd also like to thank you all for putting up with my shit..Time and time again. The one's I've got in mind mean the world to me, and though most of them won't be reading this, I just thought I ought to let you all know that I'm eternally grateful for your presence in my life. You guys are the best.
No individual shout outs tonight though, but if you're reading this, you'll have a pretty good idea as to whether or not you fit in my "grateful for your presence in my life" category.
To many people in our world can relate to this song:
Parce que la nuit touche à sa fin,
Et parce qu'on ne fait pas de prisonnière,
Parce qu'il ne reste aucun matin,
Mourir les yeux ouverts...
Parce que le temps des assassins,
Parce que l'argent, l'argent aime la misère,
Parce que tout ça c'est pas pour rien,
Mourir les yeux ouverts...
Parce que le rêve américain,
Parce que longtemps dans le désert,
Parce que le ciel revient de loin,
Mourir les yeux ouverts...
Parce que les femmes à demi-nues,
Parce que l'amour n'a rien pu faire,
Parce que personne ne nous à vu,
Mourir les yeux ouverts...
Parce que Mahomet ou Jésus
Parce que trop longue, trop longue est la prière,
Parce que certains se sont perdus,
Mourir les yeux ouverts...
Parce que le combat continue,
Parce que la balle passe à travers,
Parce qu'un jour la Lumière fut,
Mourir les yeux ouverts...
Mourir sans même en avoir l'air,
Sans même avoir envie de plaire,
Mourir les yeux ouverts...
Really drained though, so I'm ending this now :).
Goodnight all you crazy kids.
And I know I say this enough as is, but I love you.