And the hours pass...
"I swear I didn't mean for it to be like this...like every inch of me is bruised"
But it is. And I can't say I've never felt this black and blue before, because I have, but I just feel so desolate.
I feel deserted. And trapped. And so overwhelmed.
I can't trust myself enough to know what is right, wrong, real, fake...I don't know who I am doing things for, and I have to believe it's for me. Me. Me. God. I just need to be me. Whatever that means.
Can't you understand?
I just want to feel supported in whatever decisions I end up making. Whether or not they make sense and whether or not I have to change them along the way.
"I'll find my words when there is no one talking"
There's too many people to fucking please. No, I can't figure this out with everyone looming over me. But, yes, I can get closer when there's quiet support from people who genuinely give a fuck with no agenda as to what happens in the end. I need support.
"I lost my place but I can't stop this story, I'll find my way but until then I'm only spinning"
I am so dizzy from being in this place. I need my moments of feeling grounded. And I need them often. I can't ground myself to people though. That's always my mistake. I have to be grounded by myself. Trial and error.
"I can't remember when the Earth turned slowly, I'll find my words if I can just stop thinking"
I'm worth it, okay? I'm worth the time. And the process. And the effort. And the pain. And the hurt. And I won't stop fighting for myself.
I'm glad there are others who are willing to fight alongside me. The journey doesn't have to be done alone. Even if the work does.
But it is. And I can't say I've never felt this black and blue before, because I have, but I just feel so desolate.
I feel deserted. And trapped. And so overwhelmed.
I can't trust myself enough to know what is right, wrong, real, fake...I don't know who I am doing things for, and I have to believe it's for me. Me. Me. God. I just need to be me. Whatever that means.
Can't you understand?
I just want to feel supported in whatever decisions I end up making. Whether or not they make sense and whether or not I have to change them along the way.
"I'll find my words when there is no one talking"
There's too many people to fucking please. No, I can't figure this out with everyone looming over me. But, yes, I can get closer when there's quiet support from people who genuinely give a fuck with no agenda as to what happens in the end. I need support.
"I lost my place but I can't stop this story, I'll find my way but until then I'm only spinning"
I am so dizzy from being in this place. I need my moments of feeling grounded. And I need them often. I can't ground myself to people though. That's always my mistake. I have to be grounded by myself. Trial and error.
"I can't remember when the Earth turned slowly, I'll find my words if I can just stop thinking"
I'm worth it, okay? I'm worth the time. And the process. And the effort. And the pain. And the hurt. And I won't stop fighting for myself.
I'm glad there are others who are willing to fight alongside me. The journey doesn't have to be done alone. Even if the work does.