(no subject)

[enchantress299]

Summer... Is it over yet? For some reason this summer is worse than the others. I have a big dark cloud called my future hanging over my head. I'm being forced to think about it, and truthfully it's all just THERE. Ha ha... That's just me though. I'm constantly thinking about where I'm going, but never am actually able to get there even when I do make a decision. For awhile I wanted to go to UT... That didn't pan out. For a while I wanted to be an actress... Nope. For awhile I wanted to be an RA... Yeah, that's no good. For awhile I wanted a job... Hah. For awhile I thought that maybe I was good enough to have a boyfriend... *tries not to snicker in bitterness*. Even for a little while I thought that things were ok with me... But they weren't. They still aren't. I've never been good at sitting still. I've never been good at watching things slip out of my fingers, but as I watch sometimes it feels like that's all I ever see. I work and I toil and I do the best that I can and it falls away from me in some form or fashion. I feel like all I ever do anymore is strive for something I'll never attain. It's not that I don't work. It's not that I'm not good at what I do... It just never happens.

I lose all motivation. I lose what I have the most of.

I'm sorry if I'm whining yet again. One of the few things that I have is all of my friends. But even that... It falls away. Life falls away too huh? And that's ok. It's just that sometimes I feel like my friends are falling away now rather than later. Sometimes I feel like I'm falling away now rather than later.

But, it's just something I have to work out with myself. I just thought I'd share with you guys, because I don't feel like I share enough sometimes.